Maggie’s PMS

[Phalanx]

Best PMS Question Ever

Q:

How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?


Woman's Answer:

One! <span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="font-style: italic">ONLY ONE!!!!</span></span> And do you know WHY? because no one else in this fuck'n house knows HOW to change a fuck'n light bulb! They don't even know that the fuck'n bulb is BURNED OUT!!

They would sit in the dark for THREE fuck'n DAYS before they figured it out.

And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the god damned light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS!

But if they did, by some miracle of God,actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the fuck'n chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME fuck'n SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO FUCKER EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!

IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE FUCK'N PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE FUCK'N HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE!

AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE MOTHER FUCK'N ROLL OF TOILET PAPER!!

I'm sorry..
What was the question?

 

[jrhammons]

Re: PMS

I see you have met my wife

 

[308Panther]

Re: PMS

Sounds alot like my Ex.
Wich would be the reason she is an Ex.
That bitch could drink boiling water and piss ice cubes.

308Panther

 

[Ghost3x7]

Re: PMS

SOunds a lot like my ex. She was so frigid, if she rolled over in her sleep and her legs separated, the light would keep me awake all night.

 

[vmts4me]

Re: PMS

You mean they gotta be premenstrual to act like that?
308 and Ghost, glad you fellas are on to greener pastures.

 

[308Panther]

Re: PMS

Naw...That was post menapausel.
She dried up early.

Before menapause she was civil 2 weeks outta the month.
Now that I look back on it....Strange coincidence that
the weeks she were civil was the weeks I got paid.

Brother,I sure am happy for greener pastures now.
Sleepin with one eye open all the time sure beats a guy down.
Guess I was too sober when I met her to read the "Pure Bitch"
tattoo.

308Panther

 

[300WSM]

Re: PMS

damn!

 

[308Panther]

Re: PMS

When I was with that one I developed 4 personal rules.

1.) Dont teach her anything about firearms or where the ammo is kept.
2.) Dont make her come.
3.) Never say, I love you.
4.) Never,ever fall asleep before she does.

Took awhile to find one that was stable enough that I could make exceptions to those rules.

308Panther

 

[UKDslayer]

Re: PMS

Two other things can make a woman like that: 1. Chronic pain, and 2.Not getting any.

 

[308Panther]

Re: PMS

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: UKDslayer</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Two other things can make a woman like that: 1. Chronic pain, and 2.Not getting any. </div></div>

True...but that wasnt the case.

She got pregnant at 17,and the dude bailed.Left her and the kid high and dry.
She was on a mission to make any guy that looked at her pay in blood.

The menapause hit her hard and fast.Completely crossed up her wiring.Anything the doc gave to ease the transition made her really sick.

We shared some good times. But there is always that point where things need to be cut as a loss.
That point came when she felt it was acceptable to use me as a punching bag.
There was no reason for me to stick around after that.

I didnt swing on her,and I dont think that because she swung on me its ok to swing back.There really was no point to making things worse,when its a whole lot easier to just walk away.

308Panther

 

[ewoaf]

Re: PMS

good call UKD, my wife has suffered from degenerative disk disease, liver disease, COPD, and cronic intestinal blockages since we have been together (8 yrs). All I can say, is god bless cymbalta. Too bad they dont make a pill for always wanting more horses...

 

[LARMIKE]

Re: PMS

We had been together for 6 months and she had to get a hysterectomy.Well it went down from there.She found Sottopelle and she has had them ever since. makes a big difference. like two different women.

 

[Cmonroe]

Re: PMS

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: 308Panther</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Sounds alot like my Ex.
Wich would be the reason she is an Ex.
That bitch could drink boiling water and piss ice cubes.

308Panther
</div></div>


Wow I think my ex must be her twin!