Socially UNacceptable Humor

Ken Burton

Sergeant of the Hide
Belligerents
Minuteman
May 30, 2019
290
283
69
A old lady was watching TV and it went out.
She called a repairman, when he arrived
She said "it just doesn't work any more"
He said "i'll look at it and see if it's serious"
She went to the kitchen and while she was gone the repairman started working.
From the tv to the chair with the remote, back and forth he went.
He was back at the remote and noticed some peanuts next to the chair, thinking she wouldn't notice he helped himself.
Finally getting the tv working he noticed he had eaten almost all of the peanuts, feeling guilty when she came in to see the tv on he felt like he needed to apologize for eating most of the peanuts.
Lady said" that's okay, I don't like peanuts and those are just the ones I sucked the chocolate off of"
 

Kir

Sergeant of the Hide
Belligerents
Minuteman
Mar 15, 2019
409
279
69
Sparks, NV
A millennial crashed their car.
They told the policeman the man they collided with was on his phone and drinking a can of beer.


The policeman said he can do what he likes in his own living room.
Supreme Court already ruled that a vehicle is like a man's home, that is why one can carry across state lines...just keeping moving and don't stop in IL or NY, MA, etc.
 

Cheech

spiritus
Belligerents
Feb 15, 2009
252
6
18
TENUS
www.larosadesign.net
Little Johnny O'Reilly sat on the curb shaking a small bottle of clear liquid watching it fizz. The parish Priest, Father Connor came by and asked him what he had.

Little Johnny told the Father he had some turpentine, "the most pwerfulest liquid in the world".

Father Connor said "Eye Johnny, Holy water is the most powerfulest liquid in the world. For if you put a drop of holy water on an expectant mothers belly, shell pass a child."

Little Johnny said, Oh hell, that's nothing Father. If you put a drop of this on a cats ass he'll pass a fockin motorbike!"
 

hermosabeach

Betty Ford Center
Belligerents
Feb 13, 2012
12,927
70,424
219
Betty Ford Clinic
I went to a flash nightclub last Friday as I NEEDED TO GET LAID and there was a Whale of a lady sitting in a private area.

I don't know how it happened, but she called me over and we really hit it off. Everything was going fine until we went back to my place.

I turned on the light and she gave a disgusted laugh and said "That's really pathetic! How do you think you'll satisfy me with such a tiny thing like that?"

"Gee" I said "I'm sorry, but it was the biggest fridge I could afford
 

Tazman308

Private
Belligerents
Jul 3, 2014
283
1,210
99
People's Republic of Kalifornia
ACETAMINOPHEN
>
> All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
>
> Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.
>
> Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
>
> The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.
>
> After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
>
> Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
>
> Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer..
>
> It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
>
> Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails’,'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.
>
> Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
>
> Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.
>
> This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
>
 
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gunjunkie45

Gunny Sergeant
Belligerents
Nov 28, 2009
797
2,096
99
42
Wisconsin
Imagine a woman telling this joke, that's how I heard it the first time...

What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?

The 12 year old I've got tied up in my trunk!
 
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bullseye13

Sergeant
Belligerents
Mar 29, 2013
981
1,111
99
Wisconsin
A large commercial airplane was having engine trouble on an international flight. When a second engine failed while trying to return for a safe landing, the passengers where told they needed to dump some luggage to lighten the plane. After they dumped the luggage a third engine failed.
The pilot announced that the plane would go down if more weight was not removed. He asked for volunteers to jump out of the airplane to save the remaining passengers. After no one spoke up, the pilot announced that the only fair way to save as many lives as possible was to have people escorted out by alphabetical order.
So the pilot then asks that all African Americans please stand up. No one gets up. He then asks, all Blacks please stand up. No one moves. Will all the Coons please stand up. Still no one moves.
A small colored boy looks at his father and whispers "Dad, I think they are talking about us". The Dad says, "Boy, today we are niggers, and we ain't jumpin til after the Mexicans".
 

oneshot86

Full Member
Belligerents
Jul 13, 2001
6,649
4,576
219
citrus park ,fl
A large commercial airplane was having engine trouble on an international flight. When a second engine failed while trying to return for a safe landing, the passengers where told they needed to dump some luggage to lighten the plane. After they dumped the luggage a third engine failed.
The pilot announced that the plane would go down if more weight was not removed. He asked for volunteers to jump out of the airplane to save the remaining passengers. After no one spoke up, the pilot announced that the only fair way to save as many lives as possible was to have people escorted out by alphabetical order.
So the pilot then asks that all African Americans please stand up. No one gets up. He then asks, all Blacks please stand up. No one moves. Will all the Coons please stand up. Still no one moves.
A small colored boy looks at his father and whispers "Dad, I think they are talking about us". The Dad says, "Boy, today we are niggers, and we ain't jumpin til after the Mexicans".
too damn funny
 
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