♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?:
♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
♦ Money talks ..but all mine ever says is good-bye.
♦ You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.
♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
♦ Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!
♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
♦ I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
♦ Money talks ..but all mine ever says is good-bye.
♦ You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.
♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
♦ Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!
♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
♦ I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
What’s the difference between a hooker and an onion? No one cries when they cut up a hooker.
I like my women like I like my whiskey...16 years old and in a barrel.
I like my women like I like my whiskey...16 years old and in a barrel.
My wife is looking at me like I've lost my mind because I'm crying with laughter! ?
who the fuck made that, fucking charlie manson??? lol
The Desert Heat
A young 9 year old Arab boy asks his father "What is that strange head piece you are wearing?" The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia,.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun."
“And what is this clothing you are wearing?" asked the boy. "This long flowing robe seems so..."
"Oh, my son!“ exclaimed the father ”It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body,”
The son then asked: "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?" "These are 'babouches' my son," the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches' keep us from burning our feet."
"So tell me then," added the boy.
“Yes, my son...”
"Why are you living in Minneapolis, Minnesota and still wearing all this shit?
A young 9 year old Arab boy asks his father "What is that strange head piece you are wearing?" The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia,.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun."
“And what is this clothing you are wearing?" asked the boy. "This long flowing robe seems so..."
"Oh, my son!“ exclaimed the father ”It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body,”
The son then asked: "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?" "These are 'babouches' my son," the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches' keep us from burning our feet."
"So tell me then," added the boy.
“Yes, my son...”
"Why are you living in Minneapolis, Minnesota and still wearing all this shit?
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