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Maggie’s Socially UNacceptable Humor

#7,151
Easiest way just rock the agnostic anti ideology way:

there maybe someone up there cool they can come have a beer with me, otherwise don't force your imaginary friend down my throat, suck if i got up there and they were another denomination, besides all my friends are in hell with the good well educated birds, alcohol rock music/metal and we get to watch Hitler take a pineapple up the arse the wrong way every 45 minutes and people with tits on their heads :D plus no more cuttin firewood to stay warm, opposed to checkers/chess and accordion and harp shit will drive me nuts depends on your version of eternal insanity and whats feasible.

:D
 
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#7,153
Was Thomas Jefferson an atheist? Quite the contrary.
1816 January 9. (Jefferson to Charles Thomson). "I too have made a wee little book, from the same materials, which I call the Philosophy of Jesus. it is a paradigma of his doctrines, made by cutting the texts out of the book, and arranging them on the pages of a blank book, in a certain order of time or subject. a more beautiful or precious morsel of ethics I have never seen. it is a document in proof that I am a real Christian, that is to say, a disciple of the doctrines of Jesus, very different from the Platonists, who call me infidel, and themselves Christians and preachers of the gospel, while they draw all their characteristic dogmas from what it’s Author never said nor saw.
Click to expand...
 
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#7,154
Abraham Lincoln had no church affiliation. By his own admission, no affiliation cost him the Whig nomination for the House in 1843. Lincoln wrote, “It was everywhere contended that no Christian ought to go for me, because I belonged to no church.” I don't think that makes him an atheist. Lincoln also wrote, “ I am not a member of any Christian Church, is true, but I have never denied the truth of the Scriptures; and I have never spoken with intentional disrespect of religion in general, or of any denomination of Christians in particular.”

“In the present civil war it is quite possible that God's purpose is something different from the purpose of either party,” Lincoln wrote in his personal papers in September 1862. “[God] could have either saved or destroyed the Union without a human contest. Yet the contest began. And, having begun He could give the final victory to either side any day. Yet the contest proceeds.”

During a cabinet meeting, Lincoln was asked why he wanted to issue the Emancipation Proclamation. He replied, " I made a vow, a covenant, with my maker, that if the Union army defeated the Confederate army in Maryland—which it did at the Battle of Antietam—I would send a proclamation after them…

Clearly, Lincoln was not an atheist. He just happens to be the only US President that did not identify with any particular church.
 
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#7,157
t9blkg.png
 
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#7,159
Chinese Whispers

An old wino is slumped outside a bar one Sunday reading a porn mag he found in the gutter.
A young priest happens upon him and decides to see if he can help.
"My goodness" he says, "that's not fit reading for Sunday."
"I only read it for the articles" the old pisshead replied with a phlegmy chuckle.
The young priest holds out his pocket bible and says "You'll find far more enlightenment in the bible than in that filth"
The wino looks at the bible and back to the priest and says "There's no good stories in there, I betcha."
"On the contrary, there are many enlightening, comforting and even uplifting tales in here, if you were just to look" replied the priest.
"Take the story of Samson and Delilah" he continued, "They were down in the field one day grinding corn when they were attacked by a horde of philistines.
Samson was unarmed but he grabbed the jawbone of an ass and with this he slew a thousand of them and put the rest to rout."

The wino is impressed.
"That's a good yarn alright, I might have to get one of them bibles" he says.
Always ready to help an unfortunate, the young priest gives him his.

Later that day the wino is in his spot under the bridge, trying to read his new bible and working on finishing his 2nd 1 litre bottle of methylated spirits when a friend shows up and asks what he's doing with a bible.
"Plenny good stories in 'ere" he slurred.
"Like the one about Simpson and his delightful. They're down in the corn field one day havin' a grind, when all these Philippino whores turn up and attack 'em. Now Simpson only had one arm, but he jumped up, grabs the arse bone of a mule, killed ten thousand of the bitches and rooted the rest."
 
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#7,161
sirhrmechanic said:
Einstein wasn't an atheist... in fact, he was so religious that it prevented him from seeing that some of his mathematical theories (and the theories of others) were correct. Prevented him from buying into quantum theory for a long time with his famous quote "God does not play dice with the Universe." I may have butchered that... but one gets the idea.

Darwin was Agnostic... he didn't deny a diety but didn't subscribe to one, either.

Carl Sagan was a communist.... That's a religion of sorts.

Ben Franklin was most certainly religious, but he eschewed church services, especially by "Dullard pastors." And didn't like Church power structures. He wrote a famous letter to an atheist c. 1760 in which he beat up on a manuscript that attacked religion. Letter may have been to Thomas Paine, I can't recall.

Edison (I think that's him in white) was not an atheist, but was a fan of Thomas Paine and did not like organized religion. Despite having personal faith.

Someone else can look up Jefferson, Lincoln and Obiwan Kenobe (wasn't the Jedi a Religous order?)

Hey, I'm an atheist.... I subscribe to physics and cosmology. But as an historian... got to at least keep our facts straight! And won't push my views on dead people or living ones!

Ok, back to tits and front butts my fellow deplorables!
Click to expand...

You got me interested, so I went for a look.
You were right about Franklin of course, but he did have an interesting take on it.
He certainly would be a character to have a chat with.

By John Fea
This article originally appeared in Pennsylvania Heritage Magazine
Volume XXXVII, Number 4 - Fall 2011

Ezra Stiles (1727–1795), the Calvinist president of Yale College, was curious about Benjamin Franklin (1706–1790) and his faith. In 1790, he asked the nation's senior statesman if he would commit his religious beliefs to paper. Franklin agreed. He was nearing the end of his life - he died six weeks later - and possibly believed this was as good a time as any to summarize the religious creed by which he lived.

"Here is my Creed," Franklin wrote to Stiles. "I believe in one God, Creator of the Universe. That He governs it by His Providence. That he ought to be worshipped. That the most acceptable Service we render to him, is doing Good to his other Children. That the Soul of Man is immortal, and will be treated with Justice in another Life respecting its Conduct in this ... As for Jesus of Nazareth ... I think the system of Morals and Religion as he left them to us, the best the World ever saw ... but I have ... some Doubts to his Divinity; though' it is a Question I do not dogmatism upon, having never studied it, and think it is needless to busy myself with it now, where I expect soon an Opportunity of knowing the Truth with less Trouble."

The narrative was classic Franklin, witty and to the point. Religion was worthless unless it promoted virtuous behavior. Jesus was the greatest moral teacher who ever lived, but he was not God.


 
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#7,163
I was in a public toilet having a piss the other day.
When I'd finished I went to leave and another guy in there said to me "Hey, you didn't wash your hands. I was in the Navy and they taught us to wash our hands after having a piss. "
To which I replied "Yeah, well I was in the Army, and they taught us not to piss on our fucking hands in the first place."
 
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#7,167
Gaznazdiak said:
I was in a public toilet having a piss the other day.
When I'd finished I went to leave and another guy in there said to me "Hey, you didn't wash your hands. I was in the Navy and they taught us to wash our hands after having a piss. "
To which I replied "Yeah, well I was in the Army, and they taught us not to piss on our fucking hands in the first place."
Click to expand...
Or at least don't hold it with three fingers if you are going to piss on two of them. That damn near got me in a bar fight.
 
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#7,174
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#7,182
A little boy in Wuhan finds a bottle. He rubs it and a genie pops out.

"I will give you two wishes as a reward for freeing me" says the genie.

The boy thinks for a second and, as he's very patriotic, decided on his first wish. "I wish everyone in the world knew about Wuhan!" he declares.

"Very well" says the genie. "And your second wish?"


The boy thinks again and decides he would like something a little more selfish.
"I wish that the Lunar New Year holiday would go on forever and I don't have to go back to school!"
 
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#7,186
1J04 said:
Fuck You Inslee, you inbred piece of shit!

Why does this Cuck even think himself relevant?

View attachment 7305500
Click to expand...

www.thegatewaypundit.com

Family Forced To Relive Horror As Far Left Lawyers Group Wants Green River Killer Released | The Gateway Pundit | by Brock Simmons

As far left governors across the country advocate for the release of prison inmates due to the Covid “pandemic,” one particularly egregious case has gone up before the Washington state parole board: The possible release of Gary Ridgway, better known as the Green River killer, who killed between...
www.thegatewaypundit.com www.thegatewaypundit.com

Oh, and speaking of fucking pieces of shit in Warshington State........seem to remember a joke about lawyers......the puchline was something along the lines of "the bottom of the ocean being a good start".....
 
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#7,187
Twin sisters in a Newfoundland Nursing Home were turning 100-years-old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100-year-old twins.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said to her twin "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!" said the other.

"Now get a little closer together" said the cameraman. Again "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE".

So they wiggled up close to each other.

"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus the camera" said the photographer. Yet again "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"

With a big grin, the deaf twin shouted out "OH LARD JESUS! BOTH OF US???? CAN I BE FIRST???"
 
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#7,188
Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"

She asks "What?" "Sex!!" he replies. Mildred exclaims "Why you old fart! You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!" "I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while."

"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.

Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was okay.

She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's manhood!

Furious, Mildred yelled "You two-timing son-of-a-bitch! What does Ethel have that I don't?"

Old Harold smiled happily and replied "Parkinson's".
 
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#7,194
A naive young lady was walking in the city one day when she came to a ladder leaning against the wall.
On the ladder was a small sign:
"Climb This Ladder To Success"
Ambitious as well as naive, she climbed the ladder.

When she got to the top of the wall she was greeted by a fat, hairy, naked old man who cackled at her and said "Hi, I'm Cess"
 
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#7,200
EddieNFL said:
So a belief that a diety exists is a religion but a belief that one does not isn't?
Click to expand...

Generally speaking yeah, that's seems appropriate. Controlling for someone who is a pantheist or deist (someone who believes in a non personal prime mover), the vast majority of theistic belief system are rooted in religion, a collection of dogmatic principles.

Atheism, being the lack of belief, cannot be categorized in the same way.
 
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