I have a fantasy of reliving my life over as Drill Sergeant. My ideal punishment for the woke-panty-waisted-transgender-pussy would be really sadistic. My other veteran friends tell me that it would be extremely sadistic.
I would have everyone at attention in formation. Then my motivational speech would go something like this.
"Once again, PVT Dingleberry, you have embarrassed me and the United States Army. However, I cannot bear the thought of making you do another push up.
You strike me as a soldier who is very cerebral, problem solving, self-motivated and very introspective. You're a special soldier that needs a special type of care and nurturing.
So, PVT Dingleberry, I'm not going to punish you. I believe in the new Army. We need new ways of dealing with highly intelligent soldiers like you with special needs.
Most Drill Sergeants would stick a boot instead of a butt plug up your ass but I like to think that I'm more enlightened than that. The more time that I spend in the Army, the more compassion I feel for young recruits like yourself.
Why I almost feel like your father so much that I want to bang your mother over and over again, unless she looks like you.
But I digress. Please forgive me, PVT Dingleberry, for straying off the subject. I get emotional and overly concerned for the young men, like you, in my platoon.
So here is what I'm going to do for you. Instead of punishing you. I'm going to reward you.
I want you to go to the orderly room and tell them that I said to give you a three day pass. You need the time off and away from the pressures of military life to do some really deep soul searching.
You need to reevaluate your goals and priorities. You need to meditate, rest and reflect on your valuable contribution to your country, your fellow soldiers, your friends and your family back home.
During your three days off, please think of me and the rest of the platoon and how much we care about you. Please find inspiration from valued role models you have encountered on your journey to this post and the glorious Army that loves you.
Go anywhere your heart desires. Read a Bible or something inspirational. Get laid if you want. Spend the three days in wanton debauchery to get the frustration out of your system.
You might want to visit the girlfriends and sisters of your platoon mates to let them know how well they are doing while they are apart. Go have fun with them for the next three days.
The rest of the platoon and I will be on a bivouac. I also hear that it will rain this weekend.
When you come back, you will be a new man and the rest of the men will welcome you with open arms, love and fraternal affection.
Dismissed PVT Dingleberry."
