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The Complete Military History of France
- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.
- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
- The Dutch War
- Tied
- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."
Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."
Even comes with built in prayer rug…What year and model. Nice.
the thing about croissants is that they are not even French.I know a Chinatown bakery and noodle shop owner, Cantonese, who is married to a French woman. He makes a hybrid croissant-yutiao with a sheet of rice or ruce cakes wrapped around a croissant. It is actually pretty good!
The couple lives right next to the Manhattan Bridge just beyond Canal Street, their apartment literally next to the bridge and the Q, N, D, and B subway lines ALL operate over the bridge, constantly, and on some weekends, the R as well, so it is a constant low thunderous sound in the area. Oh and on nights, all MTA diesel powered maintenance-of-way units stage at Atlantic-Ave Barclays Center in Brooklyn and then trundle across the bridge into Manhattan, in addition to the regular passenger trains. I am always like, "HOW THE FUCK DO YA'LL NOT LET THAT NOISE GET TO YA'LL" every time I see him.![]()
the thing about croissants is that they are not even French.
After the siege of Vienna in 1683, when the Turks were crushed and driven off, the bakeries of the city celebrated by baking pastries with the captured supplies, and shaped them like the muslim crescent moon as a symbol of their victory.
That must be one of those SPECIAL pigs. So special it'd be a shame to eat them all at once.
Boston's music 1+Yeah baby! ‘70s rocked!
This can’t be in AmericaThe couple lives right next to the Manhattan Bridge just beyond Canal Street, their apartment literally next to the bridge and the Q, N, D, and B subway lines ALL operate over the bridge, constantly, and on some weekends, the R as well, so it is a constant low thunderous sound in the area. Oh and on nights, all MTA diesel powered maintenance-of-way units stage at the Atlantic Avenue-Barclays Center Station in Brooklyn and then trundle across the bridge into Manhattan, in addition to the regular passenger trains. I am always like, "HOW THE FUCK DO YA'LL NOT LET THAT NOISE GET TO YA'LL???" every time I see him.![]()
I had to rent a home when mine was being built. It was right on the train tracks. I thought I would never get a night's sleepI know a Chinatown bakery and noodle shop owner, Cantonese, who is married to a French woman. He makes a hybrid croissant-yutiao with a sheet of rice or rice cakes wrapped around a croissant. It is actually pretty good!
The couple lives right next to the Manhattan Bridge just beyond Canal Street, their apartment literally next to the bridge and the Q, N, D, and B subway lines ALL operate over the bridge, constantly, and on some weekends, the R as well, so it is a constant low thunderous sound in the area. Oh and on nights, all MTA diesel powered maintenance-of-way units stage at the Atlantic Avenue-Barclays Center Station in Brooklyn and then trundle across the bridge into Manhattan, in addition to the regular passenger trains. I am always like, "HOW THE FUCK DO YA'LL NOT LET THAT NOISE GET TO YA'LL???" every time I see him.![]()
My father grew up in a 3 story cold water flat (3rd floor) in Brooklyn next to the L..elevated tracks for the rest of you lolI know a Chinatown bakery and noodle shop owner, Cantonese, who is married to a French woman. He makes a hybrid croissant-yutiao with a sheet of rice or rice cakes wrapped around a croissant. It is actually pretty good!
The couple lives right next to the Manhattan Bridge just beyond Canal Street, their apartment literally next to the bridge and the Q, N, D, and B subway lines ALL operate over the bridge, constantly, and on some weekends, the R as well, so it is a constant low thunderous sound in the area. Oh and on nights, all MTA diesel powered maintenance-of-way units stage at the Atlantic Avenue-Barclays Center Station in Brooklyn and then trundle across the bridge into Manhattan, in addition to the regular passenger trains. I am always like, "HOW THE FUCK DO YA'LL NOT LET THAT NOISE GET TO YA'LL???" every time I see him.![]()
he was sitting in the corner beating off watching it
That is sad and romantic at the same time. That's some next level love.
Well, if we really want to go down that rabbit hole - either way, the choice of her fate is made by her. That's very damn honorable either way in my opinion. Not marrying Gronk and choosing death is one thing. No choosing Gronk, taking your poison and then wrapping yourself affectionately around the other dead person says something else entirely. Either path you want to go down, that picture and story is quite amazing and stirs the human emotions. If you have ever seen a widowed spouse absolutely wail at the death and grave of their betrothed it will drive this picture home. Not going to get into details here, but that type of inconsolable, deep grief the saddest and most loving thing I have ever seen, almost sacred. The pic also reminds me of those elderly couples that die on hours or days apart. To have had such a blessing to experience that kind of reciprocating love is priceless.Or the old women in the village said "You can marry Gronk or you can get in the hole. Pick."
She? It? Always looks like she just took a bite off the clean end of a turd.
looks like a Mercedes W116 interior.What year and model. Nice.
Well, that’s not really true.
Same with Maxine Waters...eeeshShe? It? Always looks like she just took a bite off the clean end of a turd.
You have really thought this out haven't you. LOLHit him in the face with a large bag of Flamin Hot Cheetos, while he's trying to get the cheetos out of his eyes grab a giant bag of hard candies and two slim jim's then back flip over the rack into the 'grocery' aisle, scatter the candies, empty a couple bottles of cooking oil on them, lure him into the slippery aisle with a slim jim then saunter out the front door munching on the other slim jim. boom.
Missed the 5 o'clock shadow before getting off the plane. I'm a bit jealous, I have almost no whiskers outside my goatee.
It’s his go to plan. Learn. Know. Practice…You have really thought this out haven't you. LOL