a ricers christmas......

cpt.creedmoor

womb raider
Full Member
Minuteman
Mar 22, 2006
443
6
46
The Choo Choo (bakewell) TN.
Twas the night before Christmas and caught at the light,
Was a domestic V8 and no cops in sight,
I will try, I will try, I will try with this small motor,
To beat this damn Camaro, even with its big ass blower,

As the light goes green and I pull like no joke,
The Camaro erupts in clouds of tire smoke,
Now Smasher, now Rev-ver, now Stroker, now Blitzin,
These are the names of my four VTEC pistons,

Racing ahead I'm the star of the action,
But I know I'm in trouble when the V8 gets traction,
Grabbing second, I hear the RPM's sing,
My mirror is blocked by my shopping kart wing,

I now hear the roar of the big monster gaining,
All I can do is keep the four-banger straining,
In a second, the shock wave hits with a blast,
And my stickers go flying now a thing of the past,

Don't bother with third, cause now it's too late,
Just try to act cool, like you can relate,
Looking up at the taillights as they get smaller,
The driver back off just to give me a holler,

"You can't win them all," he says in fling,
"You may not win any, in that silly thing,"
I smiled and revved as he pulled out of sight,
With my new mods tomorrow?it will be a better night.....
 

AMM0

Private
Full Member
Minuteman
Nov 8, 2011
72
2
47
WISCONSIN
www.facebook.com
Re: a ricers christmas......

ricers.jpg
 

The Mechanic

Gunny Sergeant
Full Member
Minuteman
Sep 9, 2006
1,927
8
San Diego County Ca.
Re: a ricers christmas......

That was a great one.
Here is one you may like. I have posted it once before.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I’m a A.S.E. Master technician
In an automotive shop
I’m supposed to know the answers
From the bottom to the top

I should diagnose the problem
With just a single look
And if I fail to fix it
You think that I’m a crook

When I charge you for my labor
You scream and moan
And even call and threaten me
Upon the telephone

But technology in the auto
Is advancing every year
And for the systems I must know
I simply have no peer

I must be more electrician
Than the man who wires your home
For the wiring system in your car
Outshines the Astrodome

Then refrigeration systems
That I’m supposed to know
Have more gadgets than your home
To make the darn thing go

Electronics now have made the scene
And more are coming yet
The car models already exceed
Your television set

In hydraulics I have more to learn
Than a specialist in pumps
There are brakes and shock absorbers
To help absorb the bumps

Torque converters and transmissions
With servos, valves and gears,
With models by the hundreds
Introduced in recent years

Fuel systems of a hundred kinds
I must adjust and meter
Each far more complicated
Than your furnace or water heater

The principles of combustion
I must know from A to Z
And gear trains that will far exceed
Most all machinery

I’m in welding, I’m in plumbing
For water, vacuum, oil, and fuel,
Compared to me, a plumber
Is a kid in grammar school

There’s models, makes and systems
Some seven hundred strong
And new ones coming up each year
To help the scheme along

Now compare me to the doctor
Whose prices make mine meager
Yet folks revere his expertise
Ever more impressed and eager

The human body hasn’t changed
In twenty thousand years
And every model works the same
From the ankles to the ears

There’s years of school in his field
And almost none in mine
I’ve learned by practicing my trade
And I read what I can find

There’s new equipment and technology
And medicines for sure
But this is true in my field too
As much or even more

There’s lots of books he has to read
His procedures to define
But for every page in his field
There’s twenty-five in mine

There’s no comebacks and no wait
You pay for what you get
And come back and pay again
If he hasn’t fixed it yet

His mistakes are often buried
While mine come back for free
And he plays golf on Wednesday
While my customers hassle me

We spend millions of tax dollars
Sending kids to medical school
But if you ask for some in my field
You’re treated like a fool

Everybody has one body
But no one has more
But when it comes to autos
You may have three or four

But you’ll go right on complaining
Of the way I run my show
With no appreciation
For the things I have to know

And you’ll take your high school dropouts
And you’ll shove them off to us
And expect them to be experts
While you rant and rave and fuss

And when your car cannot be serviced
I’ll not hang my head in shame
So you’d best wake up America
And find out who’s to blame.
</div></div>
 

EddieNFL

SMSgt
Full Member
Minuteman
Jan 11, 2006
7,153
7,824
Florida
Re: a ricers christmas......

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">And my stickers go flying now a thing of the past,</div></div>

How much HP do you think he lost?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Now compare me to the doctor
Whose prices make mine meager
Yet folks revere his expertise
Ever more impressed and eager
</div></div>

Try to repair an engine while it's running.
eek.gif


Being in the industry I can certainly empathize. I really get a kick out of folks who want you to diagnose the problem over the phone and provide an estimate.

My favorite is a trucker who broke down on Interstate 10: "My truck made a lound banging sound and stopped running. What's it gonna cost fer me to git it fixed?" "Oh, hard to say, but I would guess between $100 and $25,000." Click.
 

Bolt_Overide

Sergeant
Full Member
Minuteman
May 22, 2010
200
72
46
Nashville TN
I love it when camaro, mustang and vette drivers assume my subie is just another honda style ricer. The looks on their faces at the next light when they finally get there is usually priceless.
 

Switchblade

muf kin poser
Full Member
Minuteman
My little beater 240SX can beat new Mustangs all day long...up to fourth gear...need a rebuilt motor and a turbo so I can make about 325hp for an 8.3#:1hp. I like my little rice sleeper. It has a stock body, stock wheels, sits a tad lower than stock, and has a few 'parts' under the hood for a nice small 175hp. Lightened brakes, light weight sway bars and a few other things when I got it, but she runs ok most of the time. It sure is fun to drift it though and it does a righteous tail happy wiggle shifting from first to second.

My old 66 'stang, that should have around 560hp+, and be about 2800# for a lower than 5#:1hp..yeah, no interior and all go kinda makes that car a grey line racer...street legal in the broadest sense, but not track legal by any standard. Pop just called today. Said the car will be in the shop for a bit for the 427ci Windsor...Comp Cams and a fuellie so it will make 'around 560 - 620 horsepower'. My words to my dad were,"Pop, with that much power, it has to have at least a 4.11 rear end, the 3.50 will not hold that and the 8" will break along with the tranny(NASCAR tagged top loader...good for 'about' 425hp tops)

I love the little small bore Datsun's and Nissan's with rear wheel drive, bu tmy true small bore heart belongs to either a Cortina or a Alfa 1600

One day... this or a GT-R BNR34

180598d1279158890-1972-alfa-romeo-giulia-super-1600-1972-super-2.jpg
 

Bolt_Overide

Sergeant
Full Member
Minuteman
May 22, 2010
200
72
46
Nashville TN
My little beater 240SX can beat new Mustangs all day long...up to fourth gear...need a rebuilt motor and a turbo so I can make about 325hp for an 8.3#:1hp. I like my little rice sleeper. It has a stock body, stock wheels, sits a tad lower than stock, and has a few 'parts' under the hood for a nice small 175hp. Lightened brakes, light weight sway bars and a few other things when I got it, but she runs ok most of the time. It sure is fun to drift it though and it does a righteous tail happy wiggle shifting from first to second.

My old 66 'stang, that should have around 560hp+, and be about 2800# for a lower than 5#:1hp..yeah, no interior and all go kinda makes that car a grey line racer...street legal in the broadest sense, but not track legal by any standard. Pop just called today. Said the car will be in the shop for a bit for the 427ci Windsor...Comp Cams and a fuellie so it will make 'around 560 - 620 horsepower'. My words to my dad were,"Pop, with that much power, it has to have at least a 4.11 rear end, the 3.50 will not hold that and the 8" will break along with the tranny(NASCAR tagged top loader...good for 'about' 425hp tops)

I love the little small bore Datsun's and Nissan's with rear wheel drive, bu tmy true small bore heart belongs to either a Cortina or a Alfa 1600

One day... this or a GT-R BNR34

180598d1279158890-1972-alfa-romeo-giulia-super-1600-1972-super-2.jpg

I want a bluebird with an SR20 swap so bad I can taste it..