I'm smarter now,

[Sean the Nailer]

@thejeep , buying a 'new' stock might be an option in the future. It's just a funds thing at the moment, and I don't know what kind of market there is out there for "used Winchester shotgun stocks".... This is one of the "Family's possessions" and I'm just trying to do right for them, and by them.

@Threadcutter308 , I'm just playing a 'supporting role' here in this. The MIL has taken on full responsibility for the care of dad, and is adamant that "she/family can take care of him better than any 'facility' would". My Lady has jumped in this with gusto, thinking that "dad looked after her when she was a child, so now it's her turn to look after him now he needs it".

All I can do about this is be supportive, back-em-up, and lend a hand when needed.

As to the BIL now moving in here, well.... considering how my house was set-up for my needs after the accident (a decade'ish ago) and whatnot for my lack-of-abilities.... now that he too is "in need of assistance" it's like this house was built for him. So he too is moving in here.

As I said, I'm being supportive, I'm 'back-up', and I'll lend whatever hand I've got, when needed. I'm not against "helping"....

The standing joke around here is "I'm thinking about converting from Christianity to Buddhism. They believe in Re-Incarnation, so maybe my next life will be a good one...."

Ba-Dum....Bump!!! (yes folks, that was a joke. I think it's what you call "gallow's humor" considering that this is a thread that was started with a family member whom attempted suicide.) No, I've no thoughts of such, of my own.

 

[QuickNDirty]

The standing joke around here is "I'm thinking about converting from Christianity to Buddhism. They believe in Re-Incarnation, so maybe my next life will be a good one...."

Ba-Dum....Bump!!! (yes folks, that was a joke. I think it's what you call "gallow's humor" considering that this is a thread that was started with a family member whom attempted suicide.) No, I've no thoughts of such, of my own.

I dig gallows humor. Look on the bright side, today isn't as shitty as tomorrow's gonna be!

 

[MarinePMI]

First off, I have no idea how I missed this thread over the past year. And for that I am sorry, and can only offer my prayers.

As to the blood stained stock...

Perhaps a paste made from Oxiclean (used to remove stains from delicate clothing) would draw out and/or neutralize the stain(?). Think "gun whiting" for drawing out cosmoline from gunstocks, but in this case, your also trying to address the color as well.

 

[hlee]

This might be a question to take to a taxidermist. They work with bloody messes on a daily basis. And, a large part of their job rests on getting blood out of feathers, out of hair and fur (even white fur), and off of horn, bone and antler.

 

[Tstorm1]

Sean, forgive me for coming in late, just joined the forum and came across your thread.

First...thoughts and prayers to you, Your Lady and your entire family.

Second...I understand what you're going through as my mother had 2 strokes in October 1999. We were told only 10% having that type of stroke make the hospital alive. For good measure she had a second while in the hospital. I lived 1000 miles away at the time and had just started a new job, but spending every waking minute in the hospital was a real education. The brain functions in mysterious ways and things compute differently for every person, then change as different chemicals enter the brain (adrenaline, etc.). Mom's strokes were by her optic nerve and she has a vision cut when looking to the left and if you stand by her left shoulder she probably won't see you. Her vision also "flickers" to some degree, as she described it like the old TV days when the picture went sideways. No memory issues, speech difficulties of physical changes. I can't tell you how depressed it made her. The vision loss caused her to mostly lose depth perception. She would knock over a glass of water and just be irate, because the glass wasn't where she saw it. Try closing one eye and walking around the house or figuring out where the glass is. I couldn't figure out why it angered her so much, but that was how she processed it. The silver lining...I got to talking with one of the nurses in the unit (I was recently divorced) and a couple years later we ended up getting married and are still together.

Several years ago my FIL passed away from brain cancer. Amazing to see what he went through and how it impacted him/the family.

Third...don't ever blame yourself for ANY of this. Don't let Your Wife blame herself either. Suicide/attempted suicide is not something most of us will pick up on. Like everyone has said the brain works in mysterious ways and we can't know what someone is thinking.

Fourth...When your wife is stressed and gets "off the rails", take a breath and listen. She's not directing it at you, its just coming out. Let her go and don't stop her. When she's done, give her a hug and tell her what she means to you.

Finally...There are people in the world that thrive under pressure, many are high ranking military commanders. The ingest, organize and move forward almost like a machine. It sounds like you have many of these skills...and a broad set of shoulders to carry the load you've been carrying.

Mike

P.S. As for the stock...Any of the solutions above are worth a try. Denatured alcohol might be worth try as well...alcohol will move further into the wood and, unlike water, won't raise the grain when it evaporates. You can also sand blast to get eh finish and stain off, did it on a shotgun once...just turn the pressure down a bit.

 

[powdahound76]

Wow.

We will keep ya’ll in our prayers.

We use 3% peroxide to remove blood from clothes. No idea about from wood.

 

[sandwarrior]

For wood, it's about like a carpet, but much harder. You want to draw the blood out. Thinning it with vinegar helps. If it thins then it'll draw out well with baking soda. Lash was pretty much dead on how to get it out, it's just really difficult once it's had time to dry into the smaller inner pores of the stock.

One thing you may try second, if the vinegar then baking soda don't work is mineral spirits. That has a little better penetrating and break up ability than vinegar. But, it stands more chance of staining the wood. Just remember to always blot because what you rub, just spreads.

To the whole host of relationship issues you've got going on, it's amazing you haven't lost it! Don't lose it! think back to your days in when all you could do was put a professional face on and deal with it. Greatest thing the Army ever gave me. Don't take any bullshit from anyone, but also make a point to not ever dish it out, even though it seems it may be needed. Just bring the point to the attention of the person causing issues and what kind of double standard they may be pushing. Calm in the face of the storm is what gets the ship through.

Good luck and prayers, Sean.

 

[Sean the Nailer]

I thank you all, guys, for the comments and input.

Just a reminder, the 'biologic matter' has soaked into the end-grain and has stayed there for 9 months now. I am soaking the fore-end of the butt-stock in cold water, and change it every 30ish minutes. I'll continue to do that until it starts to clear. Then I'll work with the baking soda. If this end comes out good, then I'll work on the other end.

None of her family are afraid of firearms, or have any hatred or disdain for any firearms at all. They all KNOW that it wasn't the shotgun's fault, and there is no animosity towards this particular shotgun, nor any other firearms.

So, I'm so proud of them all (especially My Lady) for this, that I look forward to the day that she/they shoot it again. Simply because they've said they want to, because they're not going to let this stop them or sway them in any way. They know this was an action taken up by dad, and they know that this action was purported (???) by the stroke.

Their argument is "I saw a car accident once, but that doesn't mean that all cars need to be destroyed".... who can complain or argue with THAT logic?

So the least I can do, when they see it/handle it again, is NOT have any of 'dad' visible (or at least obvious) on there again. This isn't just a 'shotgun' to be shredded and replaced. This is another rung in the ladder for THEM to get back to a semblance of normalcy in their lives.

Maybe I'm crazy, or crazy for trying... I dunno. I just know that I won't quit trying...

 

[Sean the Nailer]

@sandwarrior , thanks for the vinegar idea. You entered that post whilst I was still typing. I'm going to add vinegar to the water-soak right now. That is one thing we have lots of. I haven't brought out the baking soda yet, just been using cold-water.

As for the family, ya'll know the Mother In Law moved in here for a number of months this past year. From 'that day' until August, I think. Now the Brother In Law is moving in here, at least "until he's finished his physio". I've no idea how long that will take, as he hasn't had his stump cast yet. But, my house is already wheelchair friendly, so it just seem to be the 'go-to' place for those in need.

Helping family, that's what you do, right?

 

[sandwarrior]

@sandwarrior , thanks for the vinegar idea. You entered that post whilst I was still typing. I'm going to add vinegar to the water-soak right now. That is one thing we have lots of. I haven't brought out the baking soda yet, just been using cold-water.

As for the family, ya'll know the Mother In Law moved in here for a number of months this past year. From 'that day' until August, I think. Now the Brother In Law is moving in here, at least "until he's finished his physio". I've no idea how long that will take, as he hasn't had his stump cast yet. But, my house is already wheelchair friendly, so it just seem to be the 'go-to' place for those in need.

Helping family, that's what you do, right?

Yes, you help family. Because if you've ever been out in the cold, no matter how tough it seems, it's a place to just 'be'. And it feels rough sometimes but it's a helluva lot easier to be with them when things are wrong than out in the cold wondering if you can survive, mentally and physically.

 

[lash]

...

Helping family, that's what you do, right?

Yes, exactly. That is what you do. It’s too easy for people today to forget that important tenet of family. Partly why we’re all in such a mess in our countries today. Your attitude and approach to this is an inspiration.

 

[vh20]

One of my hobbies is restoring fine doubles. Over the years I've repaired, cleaned, refinished, and re-checkered more than a few 100+ year-old, damaged gunstocks. Most are oil-soaked and full of cracks in the head of the stock. To get the oil out I soak them in lacquer thinner (complete submersion), sometimes for days, until it stops coming out. This also removes all the old finish. To remove stains I use a solution of TSP and scrub with a wire brush, with the grain as previously described. This will lighten the wood, but for these stocks they really need it because the gun oil stains them really dark, plus I'm going to sand, re-stain and refinish anyway.

I've also used Spot Remover spray - the kind with a solvent that turns into a powder after you spray it on, and has a brush on the top to brush it off. It will sometimes get certain stains that don't respond to other methods.

In my professional life, we also use hydrogen peroxide to remove blood from clothes and shoes like Powdahound said. Keep re-applying and scrubbing until it quits fizzing. Never used it on wood, but if you're going to re-stain it I can't see how it could hurt to try.

My brother owns a Remington 870 that one of our friends committed suicide with. The sheriff's office contacted the family after the investigation was over and asked them what they wanted to do with the shotgun. They didn't want it, but like your in-laws didn't think it should go to a shredder (or someone with no claim to it). So, they asked my Dad if any of us wanted it. My brother needed a good shotgun so Dad asked him if he wanted it and he did. Still has it, too.

 

[QuickNDirty]

My brother owns a Remington 870 that one of our friends committed suicide with. The sheriff's office contacted the family after the investigation was over and asked them what they wanted to do with the shotgun. They didn't want it, but like your in-laws didn't think it should go to a shredder (or someone with no claim to it). So, they asked my Dad if any of us wanted it. My brother needed a good shotgun so Dad asked him if he wanted it and he did. Still has it, too.

We opted to destroy my brother's shotgun. I wouldn't have minded keeping it, but the amount of shit I'd have gotten for taking it and the stress it would have put on my father just didn't seem worth it for a Mossberg 590.

I dread the day when my father passes because I won't even be able to grieve for at least a few months.

My mother cannot handle anything well. She'll take any negative situation and use it as an excuse to get sloppy drunk and angry, then go on a mission to call every friend she's ever known, her kids, her family members, and remind them all how it's their fault that a waterline burst, or whatever. No one even talks to her anymore except me and my dad. We go to see them about once a week, and my wife just cannot fucking stand being around her.

and she's talking like she's gonna move in with us. Pretty sure that'd put me in a situation of "my wife or my mother", probably the first time she shrieks and goes crazy drunk in the middle of the night waking up us and our kids. I really don't know wtf to do.

I wish my sister was like Sean's wife, but she's more like a soulless communist.

 

[sandwarrior]

We opted to destroy my brother's shotgun. I wouldn't have minded keeping it, but the amount of shit I'd have gotten for taking it and the stress it would have put on my father just didn't seem worth it for a Mossberg 590.

I dread the day when my father passes because I won't even be able to grieve for at least a few months.

My mother cannot handle anything well. She'll take any negative situation and use it as an excuse to get sloppy drunk and angry, then go on a mission to call every friend she's ever known, her kids, her family members, and remind them all how it's their fault that a waterline burst, or whatever. No one even talks to her anymore except me and my dad. We go to see them about once a week, and my wife just cannot fucking stand being around her.

and she's talking like she's gonna move in with us. Pretty sure that'd put me in a situation of "my wife or my mother", probably the first time she shrieks and goes crazy drunk in the middle of the night waking up us and our kids. I really don't know wtf to do.

I wish my sister was like Sean's wife, but she's more like a soulless communist.

A delicate line to walk sometimes with family. But when and how hard the foot has to be put down is one of those balancing acts.

 

[Tucker301]

Just seeing the updates on the stock. Wife had an uncle who dabbed in taxidermy of sorts through freeze drying. He rigged a vacuum pump to an old freezer. You don't need the freeze but the negative pressure could help pull the stains out of they were made soluble again with water or whatever.

 

[vh20]

We opted to destroy my brother's shotgun. I wouldn't have minded keeping it, but the amount of shit I'd have gotten for taking it and the stress it would have put on my father just didn't seem worth it for a Mossberg 590.

I dread the day when my father passes because I won't even be able to grieve for at least a few months.

My mother cannot handle anything well. She'll take any negative situation and use it as an excuse to get sloppy drunk and angry, then go on a mission to call every friend she's ever known, her kids, her family members, and remind them all how it's their fault that a waterline burst, or whatever. No one even talks to her anymore except me and my dad. We go to see them about once a week, and my wife just cannot fucking stand being around her.

and she's talking like she's gonna move in with us. Pretty sure that'd put me in a situation of "my wife or my mother", probably the first time she shrieks and goes crazy drunk in the middle of the night waking up us and our kids. I really don't know wtf to do.

I wish my sister was like Sean's wife, but she's more like a soulless communist.

Man that's a tough situation. But if you feel your mother is the one in the wrong I guess it makes it easier to make your decision.

 

[Threadcutter308]

@sandwarrior , thanks for the vinegar idea. You entered that post whilst I was still typing. I'm going to add vinegar to the water-soak right now. That is one thing we have lots of. I haven't brought out the baking soda yet, just been using cold-water.

As for the family, ya'll know the Mother In Law moved in here for a number of months this past year. From 'that day' until August, I think. Now the Brother In Law is moving in here, at least "until he's finished his physio". I've no idea how long that will take, as he hasn't had his stump cast yet. But, my house is already wheelchair friendly, so it just seem to be the 'go-to' place for those in need.

Helping family, that's what you do, right?

You're a damn fine man, you know that, right ?......

 

[Threadcutter308]

We opted to destroy my brother's shotgun. I wouldn't have minded keeping it, but the amount of shit I'd have gotten for taking it and the stress it would have put on my father just didn't seem worth it for a Mossberg 590.

I dread the day when my father passes because I won't even be able to grieve for at least a few months.

My mother cannot handle anything well. She'll take any negative situation and use it as an excuse to get sloppy drunk and angry, then go on a mission to call every friend she's ever known, her kids, her family members, and remind them all how it's their fault that a waterline burst, or whatever. No one even talks to her anymore except me and my dad. We go to see them about once a week, and my wife just cannot fucking stand being around her.

and she's talking like she's gonna move in with us. Pretty sure that'd put me in a situation of "my wife or my mother", probably the first time she shrieks and goes crazy drunk in the middle of the night waking up us and our kids. I really don't know wtf to do.

I wish my sister was like Sean's wife, but she's more like a soulless communist.

You have to be protective of those closest to you. Your Wife, your Kids. If that means telling your mother no, then that's what you must do. I had to cut ties with my brother in 1995 because he was (and still is) so toxic. Unfortunate, but it had to be done. Myself, my Wife and our family are much better off for it. Do not, for an instant, ever allow yourself to become someone else's door mat.

 

[Sean the Nailer]

You have to be protective of those closest to you. Your Wife, your Kids. If that means telling your mother no, then that's what you must do. I had to cut ties with my brother in 1995 because he was (and still is) so toxic. Unfortunate, but it had to be done. Myself, my Wife and our family are much better off for it. Do not, for an instant, ever allow yourself to become someone else's door mat.

And THAT, at times, can be a 'fine line...'

Myself, I always revert back to my original mantra of "be the better man...." though there are times where it does take some effort to even think of remembering such temperments/predilections. Probably shouldn't have used the word "always" just then, but,,,,, I am human too.

 

[LeftyJason]

You have to be protective of those closest to you. Your Wife, your Kids. If that means telling your mother no, then that's what you must do. I had to cut ties with my brother in 1995 because he was (and still is) so toxic. Unfortunate, but it had to be done. Myself, my Wife and our family are much better off for it. Do not, for an instant, ever allow yourself to become someone else's door mat.

We have been trying to do that with my brother-in-law since April. Makes it hard with my MIL but MY FIL is on our side. Probably doesn't help that he calls my MIL multiple times a day. His wife is also nuts as well. For a while there he would keep trying to get in contact with us saying he wanted to work things out (read as have everything go his way). No, not when you are a manipulative piece of crap that uses "we need to be a family" to try to get what you want. My MIL does the same crap.

@Sean the Nailer just saw this in the last few days. You and your family are in my prayers.

 

[Threadcutter308]

And THAT, at times, can be a 'fine line...'

Myself, I always revert back to my original mantra of "be the better man...." though there are times where it does take some effort to even think of remembering such temperments/predilections. Probably shouldn't have used the word "always" just then, but,,,,, I am human too.

Hi Sean,

Said with deepest respect to you; Of this, I can speak from experience. It only becomes a fine line if you allow it to. The people who truly have your best interests at heart will understand and not give you problems. The ones that give you problems are the ones that you are better off without. It's simple, straightforward and painful, all at the same time. The troublemakers are the ones that want to pull you down and heap their problems on you, which makes them feel better. Don't allow that to happen.

 

[Sean the Nailer]

It's 3 years now, and still a 'daily issue'. That's a statement in itself. In the meantime, continue to remain sane, logical, POSITIVE, and upbeat.

Easy to say, eh?

 

[Sean the Nailer]

The Family picked up dad's ashes about 3 weeks ago. We're all still adapting to 'normal' life.... in the sense of NOT needing to do the daily 24 hour monitoring thing.

How much this act has affected so many, to such a degree,,, is nearly indescribable. It's been so long since we've all not had the immediacy of 'care' that getting back to "regular living lives" is a bit of a challenge in itself. And My Lady,,,, lemme tells ya..... she's having a hard time NOT having all the stress and pressure on her, constantly. The fact that the stress and pressure is gone (going?) is leaving her "out-of-sorts" because she feels like she's missing something/forgetting something and can't relax because there's still something that needs to be done, somewhere....

Not an easy thing to describe.

So, any of ya'll who might have an acquaintance who'se contemplating suicide.... show them this thread. Show them just how selfish they can be, and how self-centered their thought patterns are. There are SO MANY around them to whom this would affect,,,, it's overwhelming.

May not be the best way to say it, but the sentiment is there. As well as a few other thoughts, but anyways....

Life is beginning again, for us. We can actually start thinking of planning things..... what a unique concept.

 

[Threadcutter308]

The Family picked up dad's ashes about 3 weeks ago. We're all still adapting to 'normal' life.... in the sense of NOT needing to do the daily 24 hour monitoring thing.

How much this act has affected so many, to such a degree,,, is nearly indescribable. It's been so long since we've all not had the immediacy of 'care' that getting back to "regular living lives" is a bit of a challenge in itself. And My Lady,,,, lemme tells ya..... she's having a hard time NOT having all the stress and pressure on her, constantly. The fact that the stress and pressure is gone (going?) is leaving her "out-of-sorts" because she feels like she's missing something/forgetting something and can't relax because there's still something that needs to be done, somewhere....

Not an easy thing to describe.

So, any of ya'll who might have an acquaintance who'se contemplating suicide.... show them this thread. Show them just how selfish they can be, and how self-centered their thought patterns are. There are SO MANY around them to whom this would affect,,,, it's overwhelming.

May not be the best way to say it, but the sentiment is there. As well as a few other thoughts, but anyways....

Life is beginning again, for us. We can actually start thinking of planning things..... what a unique concept.

Thanks Sean and again, very sorry for your loss…

 

[10ring'r]

So sorry for your loss, Sean. Glad to hear, life's starting to get back to some resemblance of, for lack of a softer word, normal. There were times, I worried, my dad would have done something as devastating. I will wish you, and all of your family, the best of what the future may bring. Again, I'm sorry for your loss. Mac

 

[sandwarrior]

The Family picked up dad's ashes about 3 weeks ago. We're all still adapting to 'normal' life.... in the sense of NOT needing to do the daily 24 hour monitoring thing.

How much this act has affected so many, to such a degree,,, is nearly indescribable. It's been so long since we've all not had the immediacy of 'care' that getting back to "regular living lives" is a bit of a challenge in itself. And My Lady,,,, lemme tells ya..... she's having a hard time NOT having all the stress and pressure on her, constantly. The fact that the stress and pressure is gone (going?) is leaving her "out-of-sorts" because she feels like she's missing something/forgetting something and can't relax because there's still something that needs to be done, somewhere....

Not an easy thing to describe.

So, any of ya'll who might have an acquaintance who'se contemplating suicide.... show them this thread. Show them just how selfish they can be, and how self-centered their thought patterns are. There are SO MANY around them to whom this would affect,,,, it's overwhelming.

May not be the best way to say it, but the sentiment is there. As well as a few other thoughts, but anyways....

Life is beginning again, for us. We can actually start thinking of planning things..... what a unique concept.

I'm sorry for your loss Sean. That's a hard one, I don't care what anyone says.

As to your Missus not handling NOT having the stress and something to do, I understand that. I know it's trivial, but I woke up every day for 6 mo's. feeling like I had to go feed my 14 year old dog I lost in Feb. 2020. The best suggestion I have for that is open the door to going and doing something and let her plan it and run the whole operation.

Every step you push yourself to take now will make a better life for you in the future. And yeah, sometimes you push hard to take a single step.

 

[orkan]

I'm smarter now, but I don't want to be. This is all shit that I didn't want to learn. Please Pray for him/us all too. Thanks.

Feel what you need to feel. Say what you need to say. Do what you need to do.

For you, and for those under your charge. Just remember that you might be the only person that make a difference for them... and someone else might be the only person that can make a difference for you. Listen for those little impulses to follow the light, and let others follow yours.

This too, will pass. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems at first. If you want to talk, just call me.

Philippians 4:11-13 Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

 

[Porksboy]

We, my wife and I, can relate to the lack of knowing what to do.
After 15 years of providing constant care to both my father (dementia, alsheimers) and my mother (heart issues and memory issues, they passed away 2 years ago. Within 6 months of each other.
Suddenly there were no doctor appointments to keep track of, no making sure they were getting the propper care, no late night calls to explain why they are in memory care and why we cant come get them. Very difficult tasks to do and then to not do.
My wife did yeoman's duty taking care of them so I could remain the bread winner. My sisters did as little as they could but thats another story. Lets just say my wife set a phenomenal example for our now 15 yo daughter.
It gets better and you will discover a "new" normal. Realize you did far more than most people would or would ever need to. You can be a sounding board and source of advice and resources to others facing tough family situations.
We now have her brother living with us due to disabilities following a disected aorta.
A few parralells there.
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, You got this.