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Re: One Liners
We were so poor we had to jack off the dog to feed the cat.
We were so poor we had to jack off the dog to feed the cat.
Maggie’s One Liners
Re: One Liners
Sweating like a gerbil in a San Francisco pet shop
Sweating like a gerbil in a San Francisco pet shop
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That dude is nuttier than a squirrel turd!
That dude is nuttier than a squirrel turd!
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Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra on the shady side of an iceberg.
Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra on the shady side of an iceberg.
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Slicker than Cum on a Gold tooth .
Colder than a Bankers handshake .
Colder than a Mother-in-Laws kiss .
Madder than a Keebler elf that's been demoted to Fudge-Packer .
Slicker than Cum on a Gold tooth .
Colder than a Bankers handshake .
Colder than a Mother-in-Laws kiss .
Madder than a Keebler elf that's been demoted to Fudge-Packer .
Re: One Liners
Friendly as a dog with three peters.
So poor I can't even pay attention.
Kid's so poor all he has to play with is his peter.
Friendly as a dog with three peters.
So poor I can't even pay attention.
Kid's so poor all he has to play with is his peter.
Re: One Liners
Id rather jackoff a bobcat with a handfull of cockleburs in a hot phonebooth than......
Id rather jackoff a bobcat with a handfull of cockleburs in a hot phonebooth than......
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Colder than a witche's tit in a brass brazzier
Slippier than two eel's fuckin' in a bucket of snot
Colder than a witche's tit in a brass brazzier
Slippier than two eel's fuckin' in a bucket of snot
Re: One Liners
That's about as fucked up as chocolate cheese.
He's messed up more than a box of treble hooks.
He's about as crazy as a sprayed roach. (or a run over dog)
That's about as fucked up as chocolate cheese.
He's messed up more than a box of treble hooks.
He's about as crazy as a sprayed roach. (or a run over dog)
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About as useless as tits on a boar.
About as useless as tits on a boar.
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9 months trying to get out and the rest of your life trying to get back in...
9 months trying to get out and the rest of your life trying to get back in...
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Your about as useful as a @ock flavored lollipop !!!!!
Your about as useful as a @ock flavored lollipop !!!!!
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dont bullshit a bullshitter
are you running that mouth in for an idiot
I've heard a duck fart before
is there a door banging
isnt there a village looking for you somewhere
sweating like a cornered Virgin
sweating like a paedophile on a school bus
shut your gob and give your ass a chance, it might make more sense
are you really as stupid as you look
as much use as a chocolate fireguard
as much use as indicators on a submarine
dont bullshit a bullshitter
are you running that mouth in for an idiot
I've heard a duck fart before
is there a door banging
isnt there a village looking for you somewhere
sweating like a cornered Virgin
sweating like a paedophile on a school bus
shut your gob and give your ass a chance, it might make more sense
are you really as stupid as you look
as much use as a chocolate fireguard
as much use as indicators on a submarine
Re: One Liners
If brains were cotton you could'nt make a tampon for a piss-ant.
Its easier to beg for forgivness than ask for permision.
She's nastier than a piss sandwich.
If brains were cotton you could'nt make a tampon for a piss-ant.
Its easier to beg for forgivness than ask for permision.
She's nastier than a piss sandwich.
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More Booster than Payload.
He was runnin' faster than a raped date.
Best part of you ran down your mom's leg.
Did your Mom have any other children that lived?
She's had more turns than a doorknob.
If brain's were ink, you couldn't dot an "i"
What kind of meat do Priest's eat?.......NUN!!!
More Booster than Payload.
He was runnin' faster than a raped date.
Best part of you ran down your mom's leg.
Did your Mom have any other children that lived?
She's had more turns than a doorknob.
If brain's were ink, you couldn't dot an "i"
What kind of meat do Priest's eat?.......NUN!!!
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If breathing wasn't natural, you would have suffocated by now
Ill bet she could do more tricks on an eight inch dick than a monkey could do on 20 foot of rope
If breathing wasn't natural, you would have suffocated by now
Ill bet she could do more tricks on an eight inch dick than a monkey could do on 20 foot of rope
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Sweatin' like a fat bird in pie shop.
Sweatin' like a raghead on a rape charge.
As welcome as a bastard at a family reunion.
Grow a pair and use 'em.
May your next shit be a hedgehog.
You need a pull through with a christmas tree.
Sweatin' like a fat bird in pie shop.
Sweatin' like a raghead on a rape charge.
As welcome as a bastard at a family reunion.
Grow a pair and use 'em.
May your next shit be a hedgehog.
You need a pull through with a christmas tree.
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From a Saudi I knew: May the fleas of a thousand camels live in your crotch!
From a Saudi I knew: May the fleas of a thousand camels live in your crotch!
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Another Arabic curse:
May your testicles rot and fall from your loins to be eaten by dogs in the street.
Prity much says it all for me.....
Another Arabic curse:
May your testicles rot and fall from your loins to be eaten by dogs in the street.
Prity much says it all for me.....
Re: One Liners
That's as useful as a screen door on a submarine
That makes as much sense as a snake with no slither
It's heavier'n a wet sack o' dead cats
He's dumber'n a sack o' rocks
She's cute as a bug's ear
You're smarter'n you look
Slicker'n greased owl snot
That's as useful as a screen door on a submarine
That makes as much sense as a snake with no slither
It's heavier'n a wet sack o' dead cats
He's dumber'n a sack o' rocks
She's cute as a bug's ear
You're smarter'n you look
Slicker'n greased owl snot
Re: One Liners
Here is one for medical people,it never fails when a NON-caucasian to be politically correct gets stabbed they always ask. "DID THEY GET ME TO THE WHITE MEAT"
Here is one for medical people,it never fails when a NON-caucasian to be politically correct gets stabbed they always ask. "DID THEY GET ME TO THE WHITE MEAT"
Re: One Liners
that shit would gag a maggot
that shit would gag a maggot
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I'm hangin in nere like'u hair in a biscuit. (Said in a typical Alabama accent.)
I'm hangin in nere like'u hair in a biscuit. (Said in a typical Alabama accent.)
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Got this one from my squad leader last seployment
Your ate up like a dick sandwich in a gay bar.
Got this one from my squad leader last seployment
Your ate up like a dick sandwich in a gay bar.
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She's seen more dick than an army doctor.
She's seen more dick than an army doctor.
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dumber than a bag of bent nickels.
could not get any uglier if she was hit in the face with a bag of bent nickles.
dumber than a bag of bent nickels.
could not get any uglier if she was hit in the face with a bag of bent nickles.
Re: One Liners
--Does Howdie Doodie have wooden balls ?
-Busier than a one-legged man in an ass kickin contest
-Two Jews walk into a bar....they buy it..
--Does Howdie Doodie have wooden balls ?
-Busier than a one-legged man in an ass kickin contest
-Two Jews walk into a bar....they buy it..
Re: One Liners
He's so tall he could stand flat-footed and shit in a dumptruck.
She's been on more laps than a napkin.
Fuc*ed up like a soup sandwich.
If I want any shit out of you I'll pinch your head.
He's so tall he could stand flat-footed and shit in a dumptruck.
She's been on more laps than a napkin.
Fuc*ed up like a soup sandwich.
If I want any shit out of you I'll pinch your head.
Re: One Liners
Smilin' like a possum eatin' shit.
Smells like a skunk eatin' the ass out of another skunk.
Smilin' like a possum eatin' shit.
Smells like a skunk eatin' the ass out of another skunk.
Re: One Liners
He has more chins than the San Francisco phone book
He has more chins than the San Francisco phone book
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if it wasnt for yer mouth all dicks would be square
dont look at me like yer mama dont feed you
stop eying me like a doughnut
dont taze me bro
dumb as a post
if it wasnt for yer mouth all dicks would be square
dont look at me like yer mama dont feed you
stop eying me like a doughnut
dont taze me bro
dumb as a post
Re: One Liners
"She can't help bein' ugly,,,,but she coulda stayed home".
The "Look" women give each other when a knife's not handy.
"She can't help bein' ugly,,,,but she coulda stayed home".
The "Look" women give each other when a knife's not handy.
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I'm on it like a pack of dogs on a three-legged cat.
I'm on it like a pack of dogs on a three-legged cat.
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Hotter than a June bride in a feather bed.
Hotter than a June bride in a feather bed.
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More fucked up than a football bat.
She's so ugly, she'd knock maggots off a shit wagon.
She fell out of the ugly tree & hit every branch on the way down.
She looks like someone put a fire out on her face with a rake.
If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of ya.
How can you be so ugly with only one head?
Wow, you're hung like a fucking wasp.
I'd crawl half a mile thru broken glass on my hands & knees just to wank in her shadow.
Stop squawking like a magpie down a rabbit hole.
You're lower than snake shit in a wagon rut.
Fucking her is like throwing a cocktail sausage in the back of a deuce & a half.
She's so fat that when I climbed on top to fuck her I burnt my arse on the light bulb.
More fucked up than a football bat.
She's so ugly, she'd knock maggots off a shit wagon.
She fell out of the ugly tree & hit every branch on the way down.
She looks like someone put a fire out on her face with a rake.
If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of ya.
How can you be so ugly with only one head?
Wow, you're hung like a fucking wasp.
I'd crawl half a mile thru broken glass on my hands & knees just to wank in her shadow.
Stop squawking like a magpie down a rabbit hole.
You're lower than snake shit in a wagon rut.
Fucking her is like throwing a cocktail sausage in the back of a deuce & a half.
She's so fat that when I climbed on top to fuck her I burnt my arse on the light bulb.
Re: One Liners
Quote of the century:
"Bring de Amber Lamps"
Quote of the century:
"Bring de Amber Lamps"
Re: One Liners
when chuck norris walks down the fruit iasle at the grocery story all the cherrys pop
when chuck norris walks down the fruit iasle at the grocery story all the cherrys pop
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Only reason you're alive is cuz the $5 yo mama was gonna spent on the abortion ending being spent on a crack rock
Only reason you're alive is cuz the $5 yo mama was gonna spent on the abortion ending being spent on a crack rock
Re: One Liners
First thing Im gonna do when I get home is punch your momma in the mouth..
-Jackie Gleason
First thing Im gonna do when I get home is punch your momma in the mouth..
-Jackie Gleason
Re: One Liners
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MedicGordo</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Here is one for medical people,it never fails when a NON-caucasian to be politically correct gets stabbed they always ask. "DID THEY GET ME TO THE WHITE MEAT" </div></div>
That one's been heard a few times down here, too.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MedicGordo</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Here is one for medical people,it never fails when a NON-caucasian to be politically correct gets stabbed they always ask. "DID THEY GET ME TO THE WHITE MEAT" </div></div>
That one's been heard a few times down here, too.
Re: One Liners
A few from one of my mentors and a great American:
She's about as scared of a 12" dick, as I am of a 12" man.
<span style="font-weight: bold">Violator</span>: You're only writing me this ticket because I'm _______ (insert stereotype here).
<span style="font-weight: bold">WD</span>: NO. I'm writing you this ticket because you were speeding. I'm enjoying writing you this ticket because you're _______.
When poked fun at because of his thinning hair, he would always say, "I've never had a woman moan for more hair."
A few from one of my mentors and a great American:
She's about as scared of a 12" dick, as I am of a 12" man.
<span style="font-weight: bold">Violator</span>: You're only writing me this ticket because I'm _______ (insert stereotype here).
<span style="font-weight: bold">WD</span>: NO. I'm writing you this ticket because you were speeding. I'm enjoying writing you this ticket because you're _______.
When poked fun at because of his thinning hair, he would always say, "I've never had a woman moan for more hair."
Re: One Liners
That makes as much sense as a soup sammich.
Smiling like a possum eating a persimmon.
That boys as sharp as a bag of wet mice.
That makes as much sense as a soup sammich.
Smiling like a possum eating a persimmon.
That boys as sharp as a bag of wet mice.
Re: One Liners
Lose the zero, get with a hero
Lose the zero, get with a hero
