Maggie’s Socially UNacceptable Humor
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There's an old couple that start dating at 70. After about a month of things going well, they decide to get a little freaky.
So, they start doing things and the woman says to the man "You know, it's been a long time since someone has gone... down there".
So, the man obliges and makes his way down there and after only a short bit he says "I'm sorry but I'm not sure how long I can be down here".
Disappointed, the woman asks "Why?".
The man is honest and says "I feel really bad but, honestly, it's pretty stinky down here".
The woman replies "Oh that's probably because of my arthritis".
The man asks "You have arthritis in your vagina?".
The woman replies "No, the arthritis is in my shoulder so I haven't been able to wipe my arse for about a year".
So, they start doing things and the woman says to the man "You know, it's been a long time since someone has gone... down there".
So, the man obliges and makes his way down there and after only a short bit he says "I'm sorry but I'm not sure how long I can be down here".
Disappointed, the woman asks "Why?".
The man is honest and says "I feel really bad but, honestly, it's pretty stinky down here".
The woman replies "Oh that's probably because of my arthritis".
The man asks "You have arthritis in your vagina?".
The woman replies "No, the arthritis is in my shoulder so I haven't been able to wipe my arse for about a year".
wrong aircraft, that one says Marines
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
I try to not denigrate other's chilrens but that girl is not one bit handsome...
R
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Not my joke but a good one.
What’s the difference between a zit and a priest???
The zit waits until your 12 to come on your face.
What’s the difference between a zit and a priest???
The zit waits until your 12 to come on your face.
So with the death of Kobe and his daughter, does that mean we have to stop using the term "helicopter parent"?
You should give that meme back to whoever you stole it from.
McDonald called out "order 867!" I yelled back "5309".
No one laughed.
I felt old.
Ate my burger alone.
In the truck.
No one laughed.
I felt old.
Ate my burger alone.
In the truck.
A small boy was awoken in the middle of the night by strange noises coming from his parents' bedroom, so he went to investigate. He was shocked to see what his mum and dad were up to.
"Daddy, what are you doing?" he screamed. "It's okay" said the father. "It's just that your mother wants another baby".
Excited at the prospect of a baby brother, the kid went back to bed, but a few minutes later he heard strange slurping noises and rushed back to his parents' bedroom, only to find his mum giving her husband a blowjob.
"Daddy!" screamed the kid "what are you two doing now?" "Son, there's been a change of plan" said his dad. "Your mum did want another baby, but now she wants a BMW instead!"
"Daddy, what are you doing?" he screamed. "It's okay" said the father. "It's just that your mother wants another baby".
Excited at the prospect of a baby brother, the kid went back to bed, but a few minutes later he heard strange slurping noises and rushed back to his parents' bedroom, only to find his mum giving her husband a blowjob.
"Daddy!" screamed the kid "what are you two doing now?" "Son, there's been a change of plan" said his dad. "Your mum did want another baby, but now she wants a BMW instead!"
It's a shame that this latest generation probably won't ever know some of the best music ever to be made by mankind....
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