The Official “All Audi Drivers are Douche bags” Thread

sirhrmechanic

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Funny but not funny. I’m weird with people touching my car, so I won’t mess with anyone else’s
That’s my take on it.

If I am going to mess with someone’s car, there will be 5 sticks of Semtex involved. Not Vaseline or hammers ;-).

That said, in this case, Semtex would have been warranted!

Cheers, Sirhr
 
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Short-bus

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Ok… present company excepted. Mostly.

But this is too good not to merit a thread. One that I hope is here for years. And if we are lucky, we can doxx this self-important twat.

So after 14 hours of riding and ferry travel, I get to my nice coastal motel in Nova Scotia. Check in and get the end room. Always good luck! Only one neighbor to worry about. Next door neighbor is also on a GS… so automatically good people.

Then there is door number three! Because the first two rooms on the end don’t have parking spaces in front of them. So I pull into the first parking space. Happens to be in front of room number three.

Unload. Go in my nice tidy little room (Canadians are very tidy…. Right @Sean the Nailer?). It is one of their better qualities. Not five minutes later, this white Audi is pulled right up to my bike. And the asshole is laying on the horn. I look out my window and ignore it. He starts blasting the horn again. I ignore it. Wait 15 or 20 minutes and Mr. Self-important Audi douche… has pulled his car in and blocked my bike and gone into his room.

So I ask at the front desk…. “I am sorry, did I miss something and parking spots are reserved in front of rooms for self-centered Audi douchebags? “

“No, eh,” the nice young lady responds. “I don’t know what to do,” she says. “Want me to tell him to move it?.”

“That’s ok,” says I. “Arguing with anyone that retarded is a waste of your time and mine. But I got pictures of his car and his parking job and for the duration of my vacation, my hobby will be to post this douche bag on every form of social media… and do my best to find out who he is. So I can fuck with his mind for the rest of time!”

Then I went and moved my bike. Because why exacerbate the situation here… when I can have fun with this long term!! I mean… good threads on SH show up in ALL the search engines. So the more we post, the better it gets for Audi butt-boy.

So for your entertainment… here is Frog-boy in his Audi. Parked all the way out in the lot. To park me in.

View attachment 8224600

Here is his plate… Nova Scotia (an insult to all Scots that a Peter puffing little Audi fag could even deign to have such a name on his car. HDR 620 I’d anyone wants to run it for fun and giggles….


View attachment 8224599

And here is the best part… it’s not even a decent Audi. It’s some kind of A3 little econobox entry level fag Audi.

View attachment 8224601

A dude in an A3… which is little better than a Jetta with some rings on the front… thinks that he is entitled to “a personal parking space” outside a cheap Canuckian motel?

Bah hahhahaha….

So my fellow Hiders… have some fun!! This is the official “Audi Drivers are Doiche Bags” thread. Memes… anecdotes. Images. Whatever.

And you SH Audi drivers who are almost certainly not douche bags because you shoot guns and make ammo and jeer at hybrids and don’t hang out on ARFcom…

This guy made you look really, really bad! Every time you get into your Audi now, you are goi g to be thinking “everyone is going to think that is me.” Even if it isn’t! And you don’t deserve that!

So have fun!!

I think I’ll join Twitter to start posting this guys pictures. Been looking for an excuse and now that Musk is trolling the lefties… seems like the thing to do.

Cheers! Sirhr
I bet when he talks to whores on tinder he says it's "basically an s4".

Branden
 

sirhrmechanic

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I bet when he talks to whores on tinder he says it's "basically an s4".

Branden
I have wristwatches that cost more than an A3!

It’s like a Jetta with Special Olympics rings stuck on with tape!

Bah hahhahaha…. It’s always the poors who think they are somehow ‘un poor’ when they finance some half-price poseur POS!

Bah hahahahah…

Sirhr
 

Two36

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I never realized the Asshole Audi thing until I spent a month tooling around Italy about a decade ago. They have some great highways there with good speed limits (130kph/80mph) with a shit ton of speed trap cameras that they even give you a head's up are ahead, and the vast majority do the speed limit dead on with a fair bit of shuffling around trucks that do a good bit under. Then, here comes the Audi doing a solid 140mph a few inches off the side or blasting right up on the rear bumper flashing the lights like it's the Autobahn and you're the one in the wrong, usually with Swiss plates but not always. It wasn't Beemers or Benzes doing this, not even the Porsches or the occasional Ferrari and Lambo, it was always Audis. In the cities it was just as bad, no turn signals, no staying in their lane, no getting in a lane when expecting to take a turn ahead as they just take it from one to three lanes over and oncoming be damned.

It was then I realized in order to buy an Audi, the dealership makes a buyer sign a contract to drive like a complete and total prick fuck. Finding one driving like a sane person was the exception. Back in the States where I never gave Audis any attention prior to that trip, I noticed the same thing. They are the biggest dumbasses and assholes on the road, bar fucking none. It's like the sports car for the "rollin' coal" tools that like to mash the throttle right next to elementary school kids, and it would come at zero surprise to me to see the two parked next to each other at the same house.

So yes, all Audi drivers are douche bags, guaran-fucking-teed and 100% of the time. If I was at a rental desk and given the option to have a free upgrade from a Prius to an A8, I would take the faggy Prius just so I wouldn't have to sign the mandatory "you must drive like a douche bag" MOU.
 

Stevo86

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  • May 26, 2014
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    I have wristwatches that cost more than an A3!

    It’s like a Jetta with Special Olympics rings stuck on with tape!

    Bah hahhahaha…. It’s always the poors who think they are somehow ‘un poor’ when they finance some half-price poseur POS!

    Bah hahahahah…

    Sirhr
    Yea I’ll just stick with my F3fiddy.
     
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    96coal449

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    Buddy of mine used to do the wiper prank, with motor oil.

    Awhile back I was frequenting a local watering hole. I had recently put my dog down, and I needed a change of scenery to keep my mind off things. The alcohol helped. Anyways, I became a well liked regular in no time. month or so later, this contractor comes in. He's from quite away from out of state, working the locals for storm damaged homes. A week goes buy of his nightly, arrogant, and annoying remarks. He's the best, making a killing, blah .... blah.... blah. One night he got real drunkenly obnoxious, comes out of the bathroom in hysterics, left a large tab, and said, see ya tomorrow assholes. Someone checked the bathroom to find he pissed all over the toilet, walls, floor..... it was a fuckin mess. He was never allowed back in. I used to walk there since I lived so close. It only took 5mins and I didn't have to worry about getting pulled over. I always cut through a parking lot at an apartment complex, and there it was. His contracting truck. The next night I brought along my valve stem tool. I unscrew 2 of the inner valves just a wee bit. Every morning, for about a month, he kept waking up to 2 flat tires on diagonal corners. I give every detail because, I hope he's reading this.

    Yup, that was me. I got you, bitch boy.
     

    hlee

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    I took this pic and created the meme. Douche bag drivers come in all shapes.

    IMG_5126.jpeg

    Note that the pickup is not only lifted and squatted, but also parked across 3 parking spaces. If the black vehicle next to it had parked a bit closer, the white one would have been completely at their mercy. No way is that thing crawling over that curb. It might get dirt on a wheel rim.

    Not every douche bag in my area drives a pickup like this. But, everyone that drives a pickup like this is a douche bag.

    We don’t see many Audis around here. But, last year there were at least 4 G wagons in the student parking lot at the high school.
     

    DarnYankeeUSMC

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  • Mar 18, 2012
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    Buddy of mine used to do the wiper prank, with motor oil.

    Awhile back I was frequenting a local watering hole. I had recently put my dog down, and I needed a change of scenery to keep my mind off things. The alcohol helped. Anyways, I became a well liked regular in no time. month or so later, this contractor comes in. He's from quite away from out of state, working the locals for storm damaged homes. A week goes buy of his nightly, arrogant, and annoying remarks. He's the best, making a killing, blah .... blah.... blah. One night he got real drunkenly obnoxious, comes out of the bathroom in hysterics, left a large tab, and said, see ya tomorrow assholes. Someone checked the bathroom to find he pissed all over the toilet, walls, floor..... it was a fuckin mess. He was never allowed back in. I used to walk there since I lived so close. It only took 5mins and I didn't have to worry about getting pulled over. I always cut through a parking lot at an apartment complex, and there it was. His contracting truck. The next night I brought along my valve stem tool. I unscrew 2 of the inner valves just a wee bit. Every morning, for about a month, he kept waking up to 2 flat tires on diagonal corners. I give every detail because, I hope he's reading this.

    Yup, that was me. I got you, bitch boy.


    A pair of cable cutters will quickly cut them off.
     

    96coal449

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    Big rubber dildo tied to the bumper and tucked loosely under the bumper, hit a bump and they are trolling
    Since you're suggesting rubber, use a slightly longer tether so it bounces around on the pavement.
     
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    91Eunozs

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    Funny thing, I actually drove one of those little micro trucks when I was stationed at Travis AFB back in the early 2000s. I was the DO for the squadron that also happened to ‘own’ all the ground vehicles for my group…mostly HMMWVs, forklifts, loaders, etc., but we also had a few cars, trucks, and other vehicles with actual license plates and allowed to be driven around the base.

    As the DO, I had access to all of them, and often drove one of those little micro trucks around the base. No top end at all, like maybe 30 MPH or so, but it carried everything I needed it to carry, and could park it anywhere. Very handy when running late to a staff meeting or other appointment with Senior leaders on base, and being late wasn’t an option.

    Can’t recall exactly, but think it was a Daihatsu, or maybe a Mitsubishi. Loved that little thing!
     
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    Mike Casselton

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    Funny thing, I actually drove one of those little micro trucks when I was stationed at Travis AFB back in the early 2000s. I was the DO for the squadron that also happened to ‘own’ all the ground vehicles for my group…mostly HMMWVs, forklifts, loaders, etc., but we also had a few cars, trucks, and other vehicles with actual license plates and allowed to be driven around the base.

    As the DO, I had access to all of them, and often drove one of those little micro trucks around the base. No top end at all, like maybe 30 MPH or so, but it carried everything I needed it to carry, and could park it anywhere. Very handy when running late to a staff meeting or other appointment with Senior leaders on base, and being late wasn’t an option.

    Can’t recall exactly, but think it was a Daihatsu, or maybe a Mitsubishi. Loved that little thing!

    Clearly you never had to drive one of them with all your Chem gear on.

    Them tiny doors aren't easy to close with all that.

    However, I'd still love to have one in 4wd for a hunting vehicle. Or, a tiny van painted black for a "goin' shootin" vehicle.

    A/C would be mandatory with tinted windows and a loud assed stereo. 😁
     
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    91Eunozs

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    Clearly you never had to drive one of them with all your Chem gear on.

    Them tiny doors aren't easy to close with all that.

    However, I'd still love to have one in 4wd for a hunting vehicle. Or, a tiny van painted black for a "goin' shootin" vehicle.

    A/C would be mandatory with tinted windows and a loud assed stereo. 😁
    Yeah, every time I get a hankering for one like that, I start by looking at golf carts, then inevitably progress to side-by-sides, and then go right off a cliff looking at $40K Can Am Defenders with a/c and doors. Eventually realize my gas-powered golf cart does everything I need here where we used to be out in the country, but now well within the outer fringes of suburbia.

    Would like more suspension travel so I don’t have to slow down over the speed bumps though! LoL
     
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    Boatninja

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    One of my office associates recently bought a new Audi SUV. She told me that they really stressed that she must use premium gasoline. She justified it to me by saying she was used to paying for diesel for her F-250 and the Audi got 25 MPG.
    Texas thing I guess:ROFLMAO:
     

    nikonNUT

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    Yeah, every time I get a hankering for one like that, I start by looking at golf carts, then inevitably progress to side-by-sides, and then go right off a cliff looking at $40K Can Am Defenders with a/c and doors. Eventually realize my gas-powered golf cart does everything I need here where we used to be out in the country, but now well within the outer fringes of suburbia.

    Would like more suspension travel so I don’t have to slow down over the speed bumps though! LoL
    Well shit… if you want 4x4, doors, A/C, more ground clearance, and all the pain of squeezing into a Diahatsu but in German you can build a Smart-runner! 🤣
    IMG_6399.jpeg

    Not gonna lie... I kinda like the little fucker! And if it runs outta fuel all you have to do is catch another squirrel!
     

    GTOJOSH

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    Truth is spoken here.
    All Audi people I know voted for Biden.
    Granted I only know 3 audi people, and prefer more innie people, but that just a centralist thing.
     

    Mike Casselton

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    Well shit… if you want 4x4, doors, A/C, more ground clearance, and all the pain of squeezing into a Diahatsu but in German you can build a Smart-runner! 🤣
    View attachment 8231410
    Not gonna lie... I kinda like the little fucker! And if it runs outta fuel all you have to do is catch another squirrel!

    Needs a roof rack.
    Rifles ain't gonna fit inside.
     

    GBMaryland

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    and to think they are still less stupid than electric car owners also less smug ..

    I'm not so sure about that... but... I will say driving an electric car makes all other drivers seem slow. When you car does 0-60 in 2-3 seconds... Anyway....

    We were up in Boston and needed a rental car. The only thing they had that would fit the bill was a Audi Q7... so we took it.

    What a piece of crap. Jesus, I'm German...and I'm still flummoxed that they could screw up a "high end" Audi that badly. The transmission was awful, the ride was so-so... I'd take the ride of a Toyota Corolla over that POC. My wife was like "we better have gotten a great deal on this POC."

    Honestly, if those cars are now that crappy, I can't understand what's to be smug about? I hope an A8 is alot better.....
     

    GBMaryland

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    I was in Boston and they gave me an Audi Q7.

    What a piece Of crap. Seriously, the transmission was awful… it had no balls to speak of… and I was left wondering who in theit right mind would test drive that car and say “man, I’ve got to buy this!”
     

    JBoomhauer

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    I was in Boston and they gave me an Audi Q7.

    What a piece Of crap. Seriously, the transmission was awful… it had no balls to speak of… and I was left wondering who in theit right mind would test drive that car and say “man, I’ve got to buy this!”
    They must rent out some turds in Boston.

    A forum member above you had nearly an identical experience.
     

    Clearlight

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    I'm not so sure about that... but... I will say driving an electric car makes all other drivers seem slow. When you car does 0-60 in 2-3 seconds... Anyway....

    We were up in Boston and needed a rental car. The only thing they had that would fit the bill was a Audi Q7... so we took it.

    What a piece of crap. Jesus, I'm German...and I'm still flummoxed that they could screw up a "high end" Audi that badly. The transmission was awful, the ride was so-so... I'd take the ride of a Toyota Corolla over that POC. My wife was like "we better have gotten a great deal on this POC."

    Honestly, if those cars are now that crappy, I can't understand what's to be smug about? I hope an A8 is alot better.....
    Hired a C class Benz recently. Bout 10k on the odo, rattly trim and no W126 series ‘bank vault‘ clunk, as the door closes anymore. The Toyota Camry I got the week before was screwed together better. I Have a 90’s mk 2 golf that is refusing to die, just cockroaches it way thru the decades. Another family member has a 2 year old golf that’s dumped a transmission, and various other components. WTF Chermans? I suspect there are fewer Otto Wurstbangers on the production line these days, and more immigrant workers. And components not made in Wolfsburg anymore.
     

    sirhrmechanic

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    Hired a C class Benz recently. Bout 10k on the odo, rattly trim and no W126 series ‘bank vault‘ clunk, as the door closes anymore. The Toyota Camry I got the week before was screwed together better. I Have a 90’s mk 2 golf that is refusing to die, just cockroaches it way thru the decades. Another family member has a 2 year old golf that’s dumped a transmission, and various other components. WTF Chermans? I suspect there are fewer Otto Wurstbangers on the production line these days, and more immigrant workers. And components not made in Wolfsburg anymore.

    Ah… they are built in Alabama now.

    What you think you are getting:

    IMG_6179.jpeg


    What you are actually getting:

    IMG_6177.jpeg


    Sirhr
     

    Bacarrat

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    As much as I bag on German cars and their stupid ass engineering something about the S8 Plus and RS6 just does it for me. Really thinking of getting the 17-18 S8 as my next beater.

    1696384669098.png

    1696384750375.png
     

    Soulezoo

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    Probably gonna get roasted for this, but have a 2013 A8 with 200k miles. Love that car. Wonderful interior. Averages 24-25 mpg. With the aftermarket tune, it's about 425 hp. So it's got enough. Terrific in the snow.
     
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    Ronws

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    Probably gonna get roasted for this, but have a 2013 A8 with 200k miles. Love that car. Wonderful interior. Averages 24-25 mpg. With the aftermarket tune, it's about 425 hp. So it's got enough. Terrific in the snow.
    You might get roasted. Now, I like to have some sauce on a roast. I like food a little spicy. However, that cause some great wailing and gnashing of teeth here. In the Hide, you are only allowed gravy. So, what kind of gravy? White or brown? I would suggest a savory brown to go with the roast.

    Maybe some grilled potato slices. Steamed broccoli.