Boudreaux. (Because we need a bit of fun around here)

[Dead Eye Dick]

Boudreaux was in an advanced Biology class at ULL and was taking his mid-term exam. The last question was, “Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.”

The question was worth 70 points or none at all.

Boudreaux was really hard pressed to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote:

1) It is the perfect formula for a child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to the mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then Boudreaux was stuck.

Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground to where the cat can't get to it.

Boudreaux got himself an A.

 

[Clob McStrunk]

7/10, would read again, good seller

 

[Dead Eye Dick]

Boudreaux Goes Undercover

The Police Chief in Abbeville, Louisiana called up Boudreaux, a small town policeman in nearby Erath, Louisiana. He asked Boudreaux if he could come in and talk about some undercover investigative work he wanted him to do.

When Boudreaux arrived the Chief told him, “Boudreaux, we have reports of an illegal cock fighting ring operating right our noses in Abbeville. None of my policemen have been successful in finding where these cock fights are taking place and shutting the operation down. I need an out-of-town officer like you that no one will recognize to go undercover and see if you can help bring these people to justice. Find out where these fights are taking place, go to the fights tonight and report your findings back to me tomorrow.”

So Boudreaux made a few calls, found out where the cock fighting was taking place, dressed in street clothes and headed out to the location that night. He watched the fights and took careful notes.

The next morning he reported back to the Police Chief. “Chief, Deys three groups involved in tha cock fights. De Texas Aggies. De Cajuns, and de Mafia,” said Boudreaux proudly, looking around at the other policemen present with that cocky “I’m better than you” glean in his eyes.

“We have been trying to crack this ring for 3 months Boudreaux. How did you figure it out in one night?” exclaimed the Chief.

“Well, it was really quite simple Chief. I knew dem Aggies wuz involved when someone entered a duck in tha cock fight.

And I knew de Cajuns wuz involved when someone bet on de duck.

And I nu fo shor tha Mafia was involved when de duck won.”

 

[myronman3]

excellent

 

[vh20]

Boudreaux shot himself a chicken hawk. When he went to retrieve it, lo and behold he was approached by a Game Warden!

The warden says, "Boudreaux, I saw you shoot that chicken hawk and you know they're protected and that makes killing one illegal. Why did you shoot that protected animal?"

Boudreaux replied, "I was just huntin' for sumptin' to put in da pot. I was gonna take it home and eat it."

"Eat it??!" the game warden exclaimed. "I've never heard of anyone eating a hawk, but now I've just got to ask, how do they taste?"

Boudreaux shrugged and gave the best answer he could come up with. "Ohhh, 'bout like a owl."

 

[308pirate]

First hit when I search for Boudreaux

 

[MrSmith]

Claude's a'sittin down on his dock and sees his buddy Boudreaux floating down the river. Hollers out "Hey Boudreau, where you a'going in yo pirough" "I got me some Nutrasweet an I'm gonna float down and catch me a mess of them nutria rats." "Now Boudreaux, you ain't gonna catch no nutria rats with no Nutrasweet, you just leave me be an get on down the river" A few hours later up the river comes Boudreaux with a boatload of nutrias.

Next day Claude's again sitting on the dock, looks up the river and here come Boudreaux. "Hey Boudreaux, where you a'going in yo pirough." "I got me a cooler full of Gatoraid an I'm gonna catch me some gators." " Now Boudreaux, you ain't gonna catch no gators with no Gatoraid, you just leave me be and get on down the river" Just before dark here comes Boudreaux with a whole boatload of 3 and 4 foot eatin' gators.

Couple of days go by an Claude's back on the dock. Looks up river and hollers out "Hey Boudreaux where you a'going in yo pirough?" I got me a big bunch of pussy willow branches......" Claude hollers back "Hold on, I'll get my hat!"

Thank you,
MrSmith

 

[Dead Eye Dick]

Time for another laugh From Cajun Land

Mr. Boudreaux was passing by his son's bedroom, and was astonished to see the bed was very nicely made, and everything in the room was all picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst case of apprehension possible, he went in, opened the envelope, and began reading the letter with trembling hands . . .

"Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But, it's not only the passion, Dad. You need to know, she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has also opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

But don't worry, Dad. I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son,

T-Boud

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report card that's on the kitchen table. Call my cell phone when it is safe for me to come home!

 

[Srgt. Hulka]

First hit when I search for Boudreaux

View attachment 8232376

We used this on both our kids. It's great stuff.

 

[308pirate]

We used this on both our kids. It's great stuff.

Must keep dat swamp ass at bay

 

[Srgt. Hulka]

Must keep dat swamp ass at bay

Dam right. Ain't nothing worse than a toddler with swamp ass.

 

[Ronws]

Reminds me of aggie jokes. Specifically jokes about students and alumni from Texas A & M University. Full disclosure, I was at University of Texas at Arlington in 1982 and my good friend and classmate, whom I am still in touch with, went to Texas A & M. So, I take special pride in aggie jokes.

One day, there was an aggie in a canoe in a field full of milo. Another aggie was driving down the road and saw this and screeched to halt.

"What are you doing out there?"

"I am rowing a canoe."

'Well, you are making aggies look like idiots. Stop doing that or I will swim out there and kick your ass!"

 

[Maggot]

Late to this. I thought you said 'Bordeaux' and pored myself a glass. Then another....

 

[mosin46]

see if i can do golf jokes and not screw up.

tom and george where in late 70s and had been playing 18 every sun for > 40 years. tom was always home for dinner by 5pm without fail.
so,they went off as usual @ 7a for a 8a tee time.
at 5p,no tom. at 7p no tom. by 9p wife was ready to call cops and tom comes stumbling in the door. he was filthy,disheveled,abraded everywhere looking like he had been in a fight with 10 wild cats. also,very short of breath'
wife went to help and asked what had happened. he told his story.
"well we were teeing up for the 2nd hole and george gasped,cluthed his chest and fell down in front of me dead for sure."
"so,for the next 16 holes it was hit the ball,drag george,hit the ball,drag george."

 

[Ronws]

One of my favorite golf jokes.

There is this guy who wants to play golf but does not know how. Fortunately, he has a friend who plays all the time and will teach him. He shows the tee, where you launch the ball on its approach to a hole. This is divot you stick in the ground to cradle the ball. The idea is to get the ball into the cup on that nice green area over yonder in as few swings or "strokes" as possible.

"For example, this first hole is par 4. That means you need to get into the cup with four swats on the ball or less.

Now, that sandy area over there is a trap or bunker. The little pond over there is a water hazard. The unmowed grass, weeds, and trees, that is called the rough. Between this tee and the carefully manicured green is this nicely mowed grass called the fairway."

"What if I hit the ball and it goes hard right?"

"We call that a slice."

"What if I hit the ball and it goes hard left?"

"We call that a hook."

"What if I hit the ball and it goes straight along the fairway?"

"We call that a miracle."

 

[Ronws]

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I was working out of the office of the company that I was at. It was the owner's birthday party and someone brought a cake shaped like a golf course because he liked to play golf. They asked him what part he wanted.

"Give me the sand trap. Half the time, that is where I am playing from."

 

[Ronws]

This young aggie lady was in labor and went to the hospital. After a few hours, she gave birth.

The doctor said, "Congratulations! She is a healthy baby girl!"

"Wonderful," said the aggie woman. "Is she mine?"

 

[Dead Eye Dick]

"What if I hit the ball and it goes straight along the fairway?"

"We call that a miracle."

Sounds like some of my days shooting. In fact at one match when my scope decided to take a break from reality, but still, I actually hit a 745 yard silhouette, first shot of the stage, and the RO yelled “Impact” I actually stopped shooting, looked up and asked, “Really, I hit it?”

 

[Ronws]

Sounds like some of my days shooting. In fact at one match when my scope decided to take a break from reality, but still, I actually hit a 745 yard silhouette, first shot of the stage, and the RO yelled “Impact” I actually stopped shooting, looked up and asked, “Really, I hit it?”

See the lastest episode of Texas Plinking 1 MOA at 1k challenge. See the fortunes rise and fall.

 

[Maggot]

I stayed at a Holiday in once.

It was in MIL.

 

[MrSmith]

Years (decades) ago I decided I wanted to try golf. A friend played and offered to show me the ropes. Off we went. Stood on this little smooth spot and whacked the ball, it flew, walked, did it again. After a while I was done. He told me I shot an 86. After those 3 holes I never played again.

Thank you,
MrSmith

 

[HeavyAssault]

Boudreaux and his friend Leon were visiting Rome. On top of visiting sites as tourists they were looking for a good place where they could start grilling. They wind up touring the Vatican and come to the Papal Gardens. The gardens were closed off to the public today, but Boudreaux and Leon were determined so they jump the fence. Leon starts setting up the grill. "Boudreaux, I'm freaking out. I'm thinking the guards are going to find us and we're gonna get arrested and kicked out of the country.". The grill is ready, the food is cooking when they see the Popemobile coming around the bend, and see the Pope motion to the driver in their direction. Leon dives behind some bushes to hide. Boudreaux however, keeps grilling. From the hiding place, Leon sees the Popemobile drive up to Boudreaux and the window opens. The Pope leans out and says something while making the sign of the Cross and then he leaves. As soon as the coast was clear, Leon comes out from behind the bushes.
"Do You realize what has just happened? You got a Papal blessing! He blessed our meal!!"
Boudreaux turns to Leon with a puzzled look on his face and says, " I didn't get a Papal blessing." Leon asks "Well, then what happened?"

Boudreaux replies, "Well, the Holy Father came up to me and said, 'I want you (points up) to get that Hibachi (points down), get your friend in the bushes (points right) and get the fuck out of my Gardens! (points left)'".

 

[Ronws]

Years (decades) ago I decided I wanted to try golf. A friend played and offered to show me the ropes. Off we went. Stood on this little smooth spot and whacked the ball, it flew, walked, did it again. After a while I was done. He told me I shot an 86. After those 3 holes I never played again.

Thank you,
MrSmith

I played a real game of golf. I shot a 74....

On the first 9. And about as much on the back 9.

Turns out that 80 was the par for the whole course.

 

[Ankeny]

Boudreaux woke up one morning to find Marie packing her bags. "Where the heck are you going?" demanded Boudreaux. Marie replied, "You know all this free sex I've been giving you all these years? Well I just found out I can get $200 a shot for it out in Las Vegas." With that Boudreaux jumped out of bed and began packing HIS bags, too. "Where do you think you're going?" demanded Marie. "I want to see jus' how de hell you gonna be able to live on $400 a year!"

 

[doubloon]

Boudreaux was on the dock with two buckets of fish when the warden walked up on him and said. "Boudreaux, do you have a license to catch those fish?"

Boudreaux replied to the game warden, "No sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" the warden asked.

"Yes sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the bayou and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take them home."

"That's a bunch of hooey!; fish can't do that!"

Boudreaux looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said,"Here, I'll show you. It really works."

"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" the game warden was curious now.

Boudreaux poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to Boudreaux and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" Boudreaux responded.

"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.

"Call who back?" Boudreaux asked.

"The fish," replied the warden.

"What fish?"

 

[Howland]

There was a lake down in Louisiana that plumb near dried up. Not the water, mind you, just the fish. It used to be a fishing destination. Folks would come from everywhere just for the fishing. Until the fishing dried up. Nobody was catching anything.

Except Boudreaux.

Boudreaux would come every single morning. Not crack of dawn morning but around when most people are fixing to start fixing lunch morning. Boudreaux would put out in his rowboat and head out. He was never gone too long. Sometimes he was back within an hour, but every single day he came back with his limit. Fortunately for Boudreaux, that was just enough for his lunch and supper.

Well, folks tounges started wagging and rumors started spreading. Folks just knew he was cheating, they just didn't know how. There were even some that were sure that Boudreaux was practicing voodoo. Eventually the rumors reached the local Game Warden, who decided that he'd better get to the bottom of this.

The next day, Boudreaux pulled up to the lake and the fish cop approached as he was getting his boat ready. The fish cop asked if he could go out fishing with him. Boudreaux said, "Sure. I'd be glad to have some company," and off they went.

Boudreaux rowed his boat out near the middle of the lake and then put up the oars and got his tackle box out. He opened the box and reached in and pulled out a stick of dynamite, lit the fuse and tossed it overboard.

BOOM! The fish started floating to the surface and Boudreaux reached for his net to start scooping them up. The fish cop was apoplectic! He couldn't believe what he had just watched. "You, you can't do that!" He stuttered. "You just broke about six different laws. The judge is going to take your fishing license forever!"

Boudreaux didn't say a word. He just reached back into his tackle box, got another stick of dynamite, lit the fuse and tossed it in the fish cop's lap and asked him, "Are you here to talk or are you here to fish?"

 

[Ankeny]

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are sitting in a bar...​

They're both drinking heavily and having a great time when Boudreaux throws up all over himself.

"Oh man, my wife is gonna kill me when I get home and she sees this" cried Boudreaux.

Thibodeaux says "Don't worry" and he hands Boudreaux a twenty dollar bill. "When you get home, just tell your wife that some guy threw up on you, show her this twenty and tell her that he gave it to you to have your shirt cleaned. No problem!"

Boudreaux agreed and the night went on.

Around 4am Boudreaux finally stumbled home to find his wife pissed off waiting for him at the door. "Boudreaux, you stink, what happened to you?"

"Well...this guy threw up on me and gave me this $20 to pay for cleaning my shirt." He handed her the money.

"Mais Boudreaux, there's two twenties here!"

"Yeah, he shit in my pants, too."

 

[Ronws]

Ron White - "I was so drunk the other night, I have no idea who shit in my pants. But I know he likes corn."

 

[Ronws]

This young man in Arkansas was to get married this morning but he was not yet ready. His father went to his room to see if he could help.

"Dad, I cannot marry her."

"Why not, Son?"

I found out she is a virgin. If she ain't good enough for her family, she ain't good enough for mine."

 

[Dead Eye Dick]

A young pastor's wife was expecting their first baby, so he stood before the congregation, and asked them for a raise. After much discussion, the mostly elder congregation passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded; so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive, and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost in the future.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us.”

Silence fell over the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."

The entire congregation said, "Amen” and ended the meeting.

Gotta love those senior citizens !

 

[Ronws]

What is a virgin in Arkansas?

Someone who could run faster than the governor. (this joke worked better in the 80s.)

 

[Boatninja]

Reminds me of aggie jokes. Specifically jokes about students and alumni from Texas A & M University. Full disclosure, I was at University of Texas at Arlington in 1982 and my good friend and classmate, whom I am still in touch with, went to Texas A & M. So, I take special pride in aggie jokes.

One day, there was an aggie in a canoe in a field full of milo. Another aggie was driving down the road and saw this and screeched to halt.

"What are you doing out there?"

"I am rowing a canoe."

'Well, you are making aggies look like idiots. Stop doing that or I will swim out there and kick your ass!"

One of my best (Aggie) friends has a bumper sticker on his truck that says, "Honk If I'm An Aggie"..............

 

[n2ishun]

I stayed at a Holiday in once.

It was in MIL.

Why does this post come across as you tagging (bagging/banging) your mother in law ?

More importantly, does she eat ass ?