Do you know how expensive adoptions are? I do, because I've done it. Everyone says just foster, it doesn't cost anything. True...but the foster system is a nightmare. The kids that you take in and love and provide for can be taken from you by the state at any time and given back to their lowlife parents. Most of the time if you foster, it's not a newborn, which is fine, but if you've never been a parent, having a 2-6 year old kid (who probably has emotional/behavioral issues because of the shit environment they have grown up in) thrown into your life can be too much to handle. I'm all for fostering. My wife and i plan to do it in the future, but fostering for the purpose of adoption isn't wise in my opinion.
We can't have biological children. People who can just don't understand how much of a burden that is if you want to have a family. If you are fertile, you can pretty much plan when you're going to have a child. If you're not, you can't. If you're fertile, you are largely in control of the process. If you're not, you have to deal with the state(s), adoption agency, lawyers, and the birth mothers who may or may not be trying to game the system for a big payday. The whole process is stressful beyond belief. Not that having biological children isn't stressful, but at least you are in control of your own situation.
Our adoption officially cost $38,000. But when you factor homestudy, application fees, travel expenses, etc. it was probably closer to $50,000. Sure, we got a $13,000 deduction on our taxes, but we also lost that much when we had an adoption fail because the birth mother changed her mind at the last minute.
I don't like asking for handouts, but i gladly accepted money from close friends and family. I even let my wife organize some small fundraising events because guess what...some people actually WANT to help. Obviously you don't. That's fine, it's your prerogative. Maybe what you know about your wife's cousin affects your attitude towards the situation. But guess what, if that child ends up in foster care (which it will if it's not adopted) you're going to be paying for it anyway. Not just in foster care costs, but in in food stamps, medicare, social security, etc. because if that child isn't adopted, it is almost certain they are headed towards a life of government handouts through no fault of their own, but of a viscous cycle of failure, helplessness, and hopelessness aided by politicians who just want to buy votes with those handouts.
Don't paint with such a broad stroke when it comes to adoption. It is absurdly expensive, complicated, and stressful. But it is the most rewarding thing i have ever done. That's why we're in the process of doing it again.
My wife and i make good money. We are blessed far beyond what we deserve. That doesn't mean adoption isn't hard for us financially. It doesn't mean that we don't make sacrifices other people don't have to make. There are lots of couples out there that would make awesome parents and who would raise awesome kids, but they can't afford to adopt. I would encourage you and anyone else to support those people. If not directly, at least go shoot a guardian long range match.
