- Thread starter BullGear
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What's the difference between nuns and heroin addicts?
None, they can't kick their habits.
None, they can't kick their habits.
Yo mama so fat she sat on a walmart and lowered the prices.
If someone from the Philippines marries someone from Holland are their children going to be jalapeno's?
So was my ex wife !
So, I went to the doctor last week and told him, " doc, I think I need some help losing weight, It's been two years since I've seen my pecker". Doc says "you just need to diet". I said "why, what color is it now".
What did the Polish guy do with his first fifty cent piece?
Married her.
Married her.
Singing in the shower is great until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera
Whats the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist
One actually does something when triggered.
One actually does something when triggered.
How do you know you're wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes keep piling up.
The sex is the same but the dishes keep piling up.
A young man asked his Dad the other day, at what age is it ok to have sex with girls?
He replied, When they leave school son, they are legal.
Apparently 3.15pm is not what he meant.
He replied, When they leave school son, they are legal.
Apparently 3.15pm is not what he meant.
My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god.
I had to tell him that Buddha wasn't Greek.
I had to tell him that Buddha wasn't Greek.
"I love you!"
Said My Ex Wife......
Said My Ex Wife......
Why did the cookie call in sick for work?
Because he was feeling crumby.
Because he was feeling crumby.
They have 9 arms and they suck
We all know Murphy's Law, anything that can go wrong will. But have you heard of Cole's Law?
It's thinly sliced cabbage
It's thinly sliced cabbage
My dad used that in his thesis. Adjudicator was not amused
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk at the funeral.
One less drunk at the funeral.
What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You gotta drop the bomb twice before they get the message.
You gotta drop the bomb twice before they get the message.
How do we know Milo Yiannopoulos isn't a Libertarian?
Libertarians don't drive slow through school zones.
Libertarians don't drive slow through school zones.
What's the best song to sing while you prepare the turkey?
It's all about the baste.
It's all about the baste.
Why are there no Japanese bingo players?
They always run away when they hear B-29.
They always run away when they hear B-29.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn't a chicken
To prove he wasn't a chicken
A duck hunter shoots a bird that falls into a farmer's field. The hunter crosses the fence and is met by the farmer carrying the duck. The hunter says...hey, that's my duck. The farmer says... It fell in my field. It's mine. Blah blah blah and the farmer says... How about a contest? Okay says the hunter. What's the contest? The farmer says...we kick each other in the nuts until someone gives in. The hunter agrees and thinking the farmer is only about 130 pounds and is 85 years old that he'll win no problem. Go ahead and you be first, he says. So the farmer kicks him square and ad hard as he can. The hunter rolls around on the ground for about five minutes and says... Okay, my turn. The farmer chuckled and said.... Nah, keep the duck.
I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'll be fine but I feel like I died a little inside
The difference between a truckload of babies, and a truckload of pingpong balls?
You cannot unload pingpong balls with a pitchfork.
You cannot unload pingpong balls with a pitchfork.
A friend has the China Flu. She said that the only symptoms are loss of smell and taste. I told her to continue using deodorant. Just because you can't smell doesn't mean the rest of us can't.
- Nov 3, 2010
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Momma bird, Papa bird and Baby bird sitting in a tree.
-Papa bird- my instincts tell me to fly south for the winter.(flies off)
- Momma bird- my instincts tell me to fly south too. (Flies off)
- Baby bird- looks around— my end stinks too, but it doesn’t tell me anything
-Papa bird- my instincts tell me to fly south for the winter.(flies off)
- Momma bird- my instincts tell me to fly south too. (Flies off)
- Baby bird- looks around— my end stinks too, but it doesn’t tell me anything
In what year does New Years Day come before Christmas?
Every year
Every year
What's the Grinch's favorite band?
The Who
The Who
How is Christmas exactly like your job?
You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit
You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit
A guy comes home from work and sees his girlfriend packing her suitcase. He says "What the fuck are you doing? Where are you going? "She says "I'm leaving you." He says" Why? "She says "Because I heard you were a pedophile. "He says "That's a pretty big word for a 12 year old."
What does Mrs Claus say when the sky gets cloudy?
It looks like rein-deer
It looks like rein-deer
