• Winner! Quick Shot Challenge: Caption This Sniper Fail Meme

    View thread

My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

GlockandRoll

GlockandRoll

Sergeant
Full Member
Minuteman
Jan 25, 2008
943
161
Austin, TX
#1
I mean that, it's gotten to the point where I just act like I'm not hungry... but she complains about the expenses of my getting take-out.

It used to be tolerable, but I think something has happened to her nose... and now she just flat out experiments w/spices and herbs that clash together.

I'm not trying to be funny here either, it's gotten THAT bad, we just got into perhaps our 5th fight over her fucking up something in the past two months.

Should I enroll her into a cooking school... have her nose taste/buds checked?

Seriously.. if you guys can offer any help I would appreciate it.
 
#2
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

Geez

It sounds like your better off if you cook yourself , mine always taste better when I cook it.Women measure shit I just throw it in and taste it

Maybe it's a test to see if you really love her LOL
 
#3
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: tuna921</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
It sounds like your better off if you cook yourself</div></div>

I know I am.

My wife doesn't appreciate that there is a difference between edible food and a good meal. Consequently she doesn't think about pairings or flavor concentrations or what the experience will be like as you progress from hungry to full. To her there is absolutely no difference between hamburger helper and a Morton's steak.

 
#5
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

I do about 95% of the cooking here anymore. It's for the best. Plus you get to eat what you want, when you want.
grin.gif
 
#8
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

How big a fight would it cause if she found a package on the kitchen table with a note "Just for you honey." And inside was a copy of "Cooking for Dummies"?

Yes, I am a bachelor. Good thing too because I would do something like that.
 
#9
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: smboudreaux</div><div class="ubbcode-body">thats one hell of an eye-catching subject for a post. by some tony's and put it on everything </div></div>

It figures a coon-ass would post something like this, I should know because I am from Louisiana as well.

Really, her attempt at the Cub's potato's au-gratin were so bad tonight that I plopped them into a skillet, and browned them and added ate them like hash-browns w/ketchup.

The steak she picked out was fucked up also... it was allegedly NY Strip but was all grisley like ribeye. It's hard to do a dry-rub and sear it hot as hell when the grissle is making the charcoal flash up.

Shit she even bought crap wine, and spent $20 as opposed to getting something decent for $15.

I'm no chef, but I take my time and use my nose as my guide, and read recipies carefully; and have learned that if it doesnt smell good before it's ready... it's probably not going to smell good when it's done.
 
#10
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: chris112</div><div class="ubbcode-body">How big a fight would it cause if she found a package on the kitchen table with a note "Just for you honey." And inside was a copy of "Cooking for Dummies"?

Yes, I am a bachelor. Good thing too because I would do something like that. </div></div>

Well, I like the idea actually.
You should pay attention to this thread - and take note of the other married guys here complaining about their wives cooking - because it will probably ensure you do the right thing.

I just got a PM from someone that advised he was in the same boat and they enroled in cooking classes together and it helped so much.

Anyway, I really appreciate you guys... this is becoming a SERIOUS problem for me because it is getting so bad that I find an excuse to work late, so I can miss her putting the boys to bed after dinner.

I end up eating appetizers at the bar of a restaurant close-by and end up drinking out of boredom.

I just don't know where else to go for advice - so figured as most of the guys here are cooler than any other forum I have posted on, I would try this.

Thanks again!
 
#12
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: GlockandRoll</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Should I enroll her into a cooking school... have her nose taste/buds checked?

Seriously.. if you guys can offer any help I would appreciate it.
</div></div>

No.

Take your lazy ass in to the kitchen and cook your own fucking food.

You don't like what she cooks? Cook it yourself.
 
#13
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

Sounds like your a picky Asshole .

If I ain't cooking I sure as hell am not gonna ad not getting laid to the equation .

I hope she leaves your sorry ass for someone else .
 
#14
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

The title of this thread suggests her cooking was once good or at least acceptable.

What else has changed besides her cooking? Could the effect be getting confused with the cause?

Anything else happening at that bar?
 
#15
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: GlockandRoll</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I mean that, it's gotten to the point where I just act like I'm not hungry... but she complains about the expenses of my getting take-out.

It used to be tolerable, but I think something has happened to her nose... and now she just flat out <span style="font-weight: bold">experiments w/spices and herbs that clash together.
</span>
I'm not trying to be funny here either, it's gotten THAT bad, we just got into perhaps our 5th fight over her fucking up something in the past two months.

Should I enroll her into a cooking school... have her nose taste/buds checked?

Seriously.. if you guys can offer any help I would appreciate it.
</div></div>

Ok first off communication is #1.
start by saying that you really appreciate how hard she works on supper but that some of the spices she uses, you really dont care for.

Then clean out the cabinet and leave salt, black pepper, red pepper, garlic powder, and onion powder. All those will make a good meal when combined. Thats pretty much all I ever use on everything and everyone seems to love my cooking.

BUT whatever you do show her that you do appreciate it and approach it from an angle that isnt going to hurt her feelings and put her on the defense.
 
#16
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

+1 to the food network advice. Bobby Flay and Mario Batali's recipes have improved my wife's cooking immensely.

Secondly, take over the proteins. If you're like most dudes and consider steak/chicken/fish the core of the meal, then do that yourself. Then you can at least assure yourself that part of the meal will be good. You can also show her how to properly season and cook meat without being a dick and saying, "How did you honestly screw up this steak?"

It's a legit issue. Not an easy situation to navigate.
 
#17
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

When my girlfriend's cooking sucks, I just have the escort service do the cooking. Costs a little more, but it's worth it.
 
#20
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ZLBubba</div><div class="ubbcode-body">+1 to the food network advice. Bobby Flay and Mario Batali's recipes have improved my wife's cooking immensely.

Secondly, take over the proteins. If you're like most dudes and consider steak/chicken/fish the core of the meal, then do that yourself. Then you can at least assure yourself that part of the meal will be good. You can also show her how to properly season and cook meat without being a dick and saying, "How did you honestly screw up this steak?"

It's a legit issue. Not an easy situation to navigate. </div></div>

Thanks.. good advice.
 
#22
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Michael N</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Sounds like your a picky Asshole .

If I ain't cooking I sure as hell am not gonna ad not getting laid to the equation .

I hope she leaves your sorry ass for someone else . </div></div>

At least I have a beautiful loving wife who stays at home and takes care of 1 of my business and does a GREAT job raising my two sons.

WOW... what a bitter fat ugle short dick little fuckface you must be to say something like that, even joking that's not cool.. this is the mother of my sons you fucking moronic cunt!
 
#23
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

Jeez! Dillitante's!
Go out to the book store and buy the latest edition of
'The New Professional Chef'. Work your, adn her way through the book. This is the book of the CIA. YTou will first learn the tools of the trade, and terminology. Then you will work your way from stocks and sauces(the basics of flavor) to full on plated menu items. When you have mastered that, it's time for desert.
Buy the latest version of 'The Professional Pastry Chef'.
If you have questions feel free to PM me.
If your wife smokes, stop her immedietly, she is ruining her ability to taste and smell anything and this will be a pointless excercise.
Go to an organic shop and buy fresh herbs. Taste them plain, rub them in your fingers to smell them so you get a good idea of what they truly are. Get the basics you will need in the book and follow the recipes. If you need simpler, there is 'The Pillsbury Cookbook'. One favor though,do NOT even try 'Granny's Cake and Cheese Cake' Pillsbury Bake Off Winner 1969(Imogene Noar) FAmily secrets STAY family secrets even with Pillsbury. That recipe is NOT what the 1969 Bake off was won with, she changed a little bit when they asked her to write it for them.
'Joy of Cooking' is another simple book of American Classics that are easy to make.
If these are too hard or she doesn't want to try them, I have a special book reserved for those who just can't cook at all...
'White Trash Cookin'. Yes, it has 'Tater Pie', 'Corn Pone and Squirrel', 'Possum Pie', and other recipes that no matter how bad you are you tuly cannot screw up because, well, they just plain suck.

Just don't go making crappy food when you are mad. Mad food sucks. Sad food sucks. Irritated food sucks. Happy food is good, and Love food is the best.
When it comes to food, I do not play. This is serious business
 
#24
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

Have your mommy teach her to cook the stuff you like to eat, don't turn in your man card for womens work that's not being done to your satisfaction.
 
#25
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

Great suggestions guys.

I think, honestly, she is just worn out staying at home w/two little boys all day. We used to have top-notch dinner parties all the time, and when she wants to... she really shines. (we grew up in Louisiana after all!)

I think a cooking class w/a sitter, a night every week - or even biweekly - would make it fun again.
 
#26
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

So I asked my buddy who's a Louisianan and married another Louisianan, and he said you need to "call her daddy, and call him quick." Granted this is second hand information, but apparently Louisianan social norms (which now sound like a very peculiar set of rules) say that "her daddy" has every right to straighten things out without you getting involved. I laughed my ass off because that shit doesn't fly with 99% of Northern women. Then my buddy told me a crazy story.

My friend wanted his wife to use cloth diapers since they are so much cheaper than using disposables. When his wife resisted the move, he "called her daddy and asked him to get on board." Then my buddy's father-in-law calls his daughter, uses some Cajun mind trick, and now she only uses cloth diapers. Will wonders never cease?

Once again, this shit would never work with a Northern woman. YMMV
 
#27
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

I envy you who get home in time to cook. My food is sitting on the table cold some nights. Especially if i didn't call and say I am late. She trys not to have dinner before 7 but the boys are always hungry and we always try to eat all together.
My suggestion is to make a menu together for the week and go shopping together and get the groceries for the week. You will have plenty of time to talk about the spices and stuff. We do it late friday or saturday evening so we can watch the show. The entertainment value of going to the super wally world on a firday night rivels anything available within 50 miles.
 
#28
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: GlockandRoll</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

WOW... what a bitter fat ugle short dick little fuckface you must be to say something like that, even joking that's not cool.. this is the mother of my sons you fucking moronic cunt!
</div></div>

I was going to offer you sound advice, but was instantly turned off by your foul language.
 
#29
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

Any night school cooking class will run weekly for about six weeks in most schools or junior colleges. I would recommend looking in your school's catalog of classes or stopping by the guidance office, or the culinary department.
A class on food and wine pairing is a great start, lots of fun, and also inspirational for a burned out mom. Offerings will vary by school and it's policies. I would stay away from the places like COrdon Bleu etc unless you want hardcore culinary schooling. A Junior COllege cooking class would be great for the both of you to go to together. One night a week and from around 6 or 7 to 8 or 9. As I said, look for a food and wine pairing class to start with, then go from there after speaking with teh culinary department advisors
 
#30
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

Well, I lucked out with my wife. She's Italian and learned to cook Italian food from her family. She also is an all around good cook in general. I'm the one who usually screws up the cooking. Best advice I can give is cook food TOGETHER so you both can learn from your flaws. Plus it's fun to work together. Heck, get the kids involved as well. Even if dinner still gets screwed up, at least you had nice family time and that by itself is MUCH more valuable than any dish.
 
#31
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

Everything works when people talk, and despite the heat it initially generates, talking straight and from the heart makes whatever points need to be exchanged.

I'll be married 40 years this July, and the cooking issues took a Loooong time to get sorted, if they are indeed sorted...

From experience, the problems we have are the problems we make; and we make them the biggest and the fastest by trying to avoid them.

Be not afraid, Pilgrim, but also carry a newspaper; they do a good job of blocking an overhead swing...
 
#32
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

you can actually get an in home chef to come in a few times to cook for you, for not that much money. Encourage your wife to stay in the kitchen with that cook and learn some pointers. You will be amazed at what they pick up, and if that doesnt help, get her some cooking lessons as a gift.
 
#33
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: GlockandRoll</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Michael N</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Sounds like your a picky Asshole .

If I ain't cooking I sure as hell am not gonna ad not getting laid to the equation .

I hope she leaves your sorry ass for someone else . </div></div>

At least I have a beautiful loving wife who stays at home and takes care of 1 of my business and does a GREAT job raising my two sons.

WOW... what a bitter fat ugle short dick little fuckface you must be to say something like that, even joking that's not cool.. this is the mother of my sons you fucking moronic cunt!
</div></div>

Lighten up Francis, now go get a pair of pliers to get the hook out of your lip.
 
#34
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

do a little investigating, plan and cook a meal with her (dont just grill a steak a leave the rest up to her) actually cook. If it still tastes like shit, then you both need cooking lessons. Figure out if she doesnt care anymore and just fumble fucks around in the kitchen, except when you are there. catch my drift???
 
#35
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

+1 with the Food Network and taking over the protiens. Alot of good advise going on here.

I agree whole heartedly that we men just go by taste and women measure everything out for the most part. Put the Betty Crooker down and put some soul into it. Taste the food as you cook it. Don't just throw it in a crock-pot and call it good. That's why I just do the majority of the cooking, I know exactly what the end result will be 99% of the time.

Good luck.
 
#37
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

Yeah, it's not that simple.
She is a home-maker and I work 50+ hour weeks and have a 20 mile commute. I'd have to skip the gym, and leave the office at 4:30 to have dinner ready for the boys... not gonna happen.
 
#38
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

Got a buddy n the same sitch, his wife is a trainer and is allways forcin salads and baked chicken, he is a meat n taters guy, Its hillarious to hear him bitchn about how she is tryn to kill him starvation style. Hope it works out for ya.
 
#39
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

Don't let the haters get you down. My wife, fortunately, is a great cook. She learned from her mom. But I had to ask her for weeks to start cooking more because going out to eat was getting expensive, and lets face it, why spend the money on bullshit places to eat when you can get some good old fashioned cookin' and save your money for rifles!

Get her a cook book, my wife loves the Southern Living series. Its easy to follow and the end results are delicious!

good luck in your quest
wink.gif
 
#40
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

Theres a sign that hangs in our kitchen it states " 3 Types of meals served...Frozen, Microwave, and Take Out" unfortunately its the truth...
She's got great legs but thank god we've got friends that invite us over for dinners!!!!
 
#41
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

Married 21 years,been doing the cooking since day 1. No regrets.


Like the comedian said:
MY wife cooks terribly. I can't eat it it's so bad. So I gave it to the dog. She came in and saw the dogs bowl empty and the dog was licking his ass. Why is the dog doing that she asked. Probably to get the taste of that food out of his mouth.
 
#42
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Cigarcop</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Theres a sign that hangs in our kitchen it states " 3 Types of meals served...Frozen, Microwave, and Take Out"</div></div>

We've got a sign like that.

"Choices for dinner, 1. Take it or 2. leave it"
 
#43
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

Oh man, I can make a killing doing the in home chef thing. MILF city here I come! Waa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
"Why yes ma'am, I can come cook a week long menu. All you have to do is heat it in the microwave or oven for no more than 15 minutes or so then serve it. Yes ma'am I can do that too. Well I would have to charge extra for that ma'am, but I think you will like the results"
"Ohhhhh, James!"
BWAAA HA HA HA HA HA!

Dude, get out of the office early one night a week and take a cooking class with the wife. A 20 mile commute ain't jack so quit whining about it and suck it up. Make the time. If you can't make the time to that, well, you deserve burnt baked beans and overcooked hot dogs
grin.gif
 
#45
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Greg Langelius *</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Everything works when people talk, and despite the heat it initially generates, talking straight and from the heart makes whatever points need to be exchanged.

I'll be married 40 years this July, and the cooking issues took a Loooong time to get sorted, if they are indeed sorted...

From experience, the problems we have are the problems we make; and we make them the biggest and the fastest by trying to avoid them.

Be not afraid, Pilgrim, but also carry a newspaper; they do a good job of blocking an overhead swing... </div></div>

I was going to say that, and: cook together. It's fun and rewarding for both of you when you eat a meal you've made together. Almost everything is better with two people, and cooking and eating is no exception.

For really good but simple cooking, I highly recommend Mark Bittman's How To Cook Everything. It's never given us a bad meal, and the stuff is so simple it's crazy.

btw Switch, I'm stealing that quote from you as my new sig.
 
#46
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

damn... never seen THAT before ^

It is true though Spazz. If one cooks with anything but straight love the food just doesn't do what it's supposed to do. Cooking with crappy beer, wine, or whiskey does the same. Bad ingredient in, bad taste on the spoon. Studying to become a chef was the farthest thing from Marine or Soldier I could find back in the day. It all started out to find a decent job that would pay the bills. Sometime between finding Sonoma County's primest ingredients and beating local chef's at their own game in school I found a love for almost all things food. I went after teh learning of anything I could find from Asian and European Classic, to down home American Barbeque. Along the way I learned Arabic, Indian, Afghan, and so many others.
Authenticity and love make superb food. The only thing that beats that is cooking food while getting laid on the countertop after drinking the wine that was leftover from the stock
grin.gif


Love Food Rocks!
 
#48
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Switchblade</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Authenticity and love make superb food. </div></div>
Outfuckinstanding! That's how I do it as well. I do all the cooking in my house. My wife isn't a bad cook but she doesn't enjoy it and I absolutely love being in the kitchen. My brother keeps wanting me to go into the restaurant business with him but I don't think I would enjoy it as much if it were a job and I needed to do it to pay the bills.

My brother has done private cooking lessons in the past (he's a professional chef) and if you're actually interested he could probably help you out (he's in Austin too).

Also Central Market usually has classes/seminars that are a lot of fun.

What strikes me as especially sad is that you're missing out on your kids' childhood by waiting to go home until they're already in bed. I don't know how old yours are but when my oldest (6 now) was a baby I actually went and found another job because the schedule at the old one had me getting home too late to put him in the bath and in bed (didn't hurt that the new job actually paid more too). Those are times I wouldn't trade for any bad cooking.
 
#49
Re: My wife's cooking has gone to shit.

Changing jobs isn't an option right now, I'm with one of the best companies to work for and making about max for my job description. I'd probably have to travel to make more.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

PatMiles
Howard Stern Admits Coronavirus Paranoia Sparked a Fight with His Wife
Replies
25
Views
1K
Milf Dots
Milf Dots
Fig
Advancements in bullet design...
Replies
32
Views
1K
Doom
Doom
pmclaine
Posted here because the legit medical establishment has no credibility.....
Replies
79
Views
5K
ManUtdManiac
ManUtdManiac
F
2024 Legion Memorial Run and Gun, Honoring the Fallen as a Family
Replies
10
Views
743
Bakwa
Bakwa
lonegunman762x51
Taking a cruise with a$$holes.........................
Replies
129
Views
8K
Big Phish
Big Phish
Top Bottom
Back
Home
Forums
Merch
Alerts