You are doomed for failure.
Your efforts should directed to you learning to accept her behavior.
... and this is why we live in a world where women are doing more dumb shit than ever. Just about every day in my interactions with customers, I hear the "Oh, man, my wife would kill me" BS. I often wonder how men became so pussy whipped.
I'll level my house with a bulldozer before I'd let my wife get away with stupid shit like that. She knows it. Hence, she doesn't do stupid shit more than a couple times. If she did what the OP describes, I'd mention it politely a couple times. Then I'd get pissed about it... ONCE. Next time I'd round up every shoe, boot, sandal, flip flop, or booty she owns... put it in the driveway, pour a gallon of gas on it, and set fire to them. Then I wouldn't buy her any more shoes until I was certain she has changed her behavior. Though this would never happen. My wife doesn't shop as if it's a sport.
Though I realize my family is very unique. We live a very traditional family dynamic, which is completely alien to most people these days. We love our lives.
I'm the man, and I act like it.
She's the woman, and she acts like it.
We have two beautiful children... 4 and 2. I haven't changed more than a dozen or so diapers... total.
Kids crying in the middle of the night? SHE gets up.
She hasn't had a "job" since we got together 7 or 8 years ago... I don't even know how long its been, and I don't care... and she respects the fact that its irrelevant. I have NEVER had her pissed off for not remember a date. I legitimately forget my own birthday.
I make the money... and I decide where its spent. If I want to go out and buy something... I buy it. I don't check with her first.
Since we've been together:
I have not washed dishes.
I have not done laundry.
I have not cleaned the house. (I don't leave messes either)
I have not cooked a meal.
I have not gone shopping.
I get laid when I want, anytime I want. (so does she)
I own several businesses, so I come home at random times. Some days I come home at 6, other days its 10pm-1am. When I walk through the door, food is either done or almost ready. I play with my kids for a bit, if they are awake. Then I sit on the couch, recline my seat, kick on the TV. She brings something for me to drink, takes my boots and socks off, brings my food, etc. I don't ask her to do it, I don't make her do it... she just does it.
She'll hear me on the phone talking to someone... and realizes I'm leaving on a business trip, with no notice. Before I get off the phone, I have my bags packed, snacks for the road, laptop and all other gear packed up. I pick it up, give a kiss and hug to everyone... and leave. No bitching, no bullshit.
She does it all without complaint, just like I put in 16-18hr days without complaint. I have my role, and she has hers. We love what we do, we both embrace it, and have an impenetrably strong family as a result.
So when I hear stories of people having all these problems with their women, I legitimately have no clue what the hell those men are thinking for putting up with all that dumb shit. Is finding some decent trim really that hard for some guys that they have to live with a psychopath to get laid once in a while? I'd never settle down with someone that doesn't mesh with me... and in my house, what I say goes. Sure, she keeps me from doing dumb shit, like forgetting the kids' birthdays, or my own. I respect her, and she respects me. If she was like all these other women I see or read about, she'd get replaced in a heartbeat.
