So there I was, watching the miserable news kissing the Kamaltoe for the day and reading a review on an old movie and the actress was married to Daniel Craig. Yeah, 007 himself and thinking about the Bond movies he made. I don't get them. If you try and follow them, apparently James Bond is an orphan from an extremely wealthy family and his parents were killed when their train car filled with money burned up with them inside. Then Bond was shipped away to boarding school after being left indigent and taken in by the Blofeld family. The Blofeld kid was extremely jealous and despised James throughout school, so he formed an international criminal organization to hound James for the entirety of his life and destroy England as well.
A despondent and empty Bond is accidentally shot and presumed killed by a diversity hire agent who cannot shoot worth a shit and to cover up the murder MI6 erases his employment records and sells off his property, belongings and personal items pocketing the cash for themselves. All without making the least bit of effort to confirm his death or recover his body or find one of his many living relatives to take possession of his estate. When is boss, an 80 year old women is nearly blown up by another former agent she abandoned in the field he sobers up from a months long bender and returns to work only to find they have looted his bank accounts, stolen his house and apartment and cleared out his desk replacing him with a six foot tall black lesbian. For some stupid reason he does not hire a fucking lawyer and get all of the stuff they stole back. He accepts he is replaced by a DEI hire and lets his employer shit on him even harder. The perfect secret agent is always someone who will not blend into society anywhere in the world, like say a giant black carpet muncher, thus he is now as important as Prince Harry but refuses to quit sucking up.
In the end he captures his old roomie and dismantles his international criminal organization but is then forced to go to China and try and destroy the Wuhan labs to stop the Kung Flu from destroying the world. He takes his smoking hot French girlfriend with him and she climbs the rocky coast in fuck-me pumps to be with him. For some stupid reason he agrees to save jolly old England for one last time and they fucking kill him for good, leaving his kid fatherless and empty (suitable for future agent jobs) and his girlfriend has to live in hiding for the rest of her life because Bond's former employer may kill her and steal her assets as well.
So over the last decade of his career, he fucks the accountant who betrays him, causes the death of most women he sleeps with as revenge from his old schoolmate, plays cards for millions of dollars which disappears from his bank accounts faster than the family home and impregnates a smoking hot French girl after killing her dad. Dad by the way, asks Bond to look her up and tap dat ass. He is stuck driving a 50 year old sports car with 20,000 pounds of armor and weapons hidden inside and so broke he doesn't own a Play Station 2.
Really, why the hell would this guy save England? He is fucked harder than Captain American. That poor guy was MIA for 60 years and contrary to every military reg the DOD refused to pay him his 60 years of back pay, leave and benefits, promote him to his correct rank of O-6 and enslaved him to an illegal spy agency who forced him to live in a shitty one bedroom apartment, beg coworkers for rides to work and live in poverty while they exploited his genetically enhanced skills.
Socialism is rampant and makes shitty movies. Now they made Captain America black, he is fucking broke and working on his sister's fishing boat and they DEI this poor fucker into saving the world for $12 dollars an hour, but only when he is actually wearing the suit. He works with a Kentucky hick with a bow and arrow and a former KGB prostitute/killer who are both severely underpaid.
While we are on the subject, if Wolverine would have gotten a regular job and saved some fucking money he would not be living in a hobo camper, also penniless and forced to stab people to survive. Can you imagine being nearly immortal and not having the good sense to create generational wealth so you could live in luxury, screw fine women and travel in the world. Instead, your dumb ass keeps enlisting in the god damned infantry as a PFC every war for 150 years and still never got smart enough to use your GI Bill to go to college or trade school and get a fucking job for Christ's sakes.
The world of spies and superheroes is filled with bored rich assholes who buy their game and use it to get revenge or as an ego trip or desperately broke mother fuckers forced into what is basically indentured service to evil governments, cooperations or enslavement by a wealthy benefactor like Professor Xavier who owns a pedophile pimp house full of "gifted" kids he lets wealthy politicians and businessmen use.
Socialist movies suck balls.
