Maggie’s Funny & awesome pics, vids and memes thread (work safe, no nudity)

Hellman's full of genetically modified crap. Switch to Duke's.
Edit: Dukes is full of bioengineered soybean oil too, as it Miracle Whip.
Next you are going to tell me that my bologna and salami are bad for me. For the love of all things holy, leave me with just ONE illusion and joy. Miracle Whip is a truly guilty pleasure - on scrambled egg sandwiches with Tabasco. None of that mayo crap. Too sour and bland. Like it belongs on the pea salad I was tortured with at family reunions as a child. That stuff is absolutely horrid.
 
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I didn't touch it. I just put my hand next to it for scale. I doubt it's anything dangerous though. I live in Wisconsin. In general we don't have a lot of dangerous critters. 2 kinds of poisonous snakes but they're both very rare. Black widows, also rare, and brown recluse exceedingly rare.
I wish that was the case here in Texas. Any spider in the house, wandering around on the floor is considered, by me, to be a Brown Recluse or Hobo spider. That said, there are a lot of harmless Wolf spiders that make it into the house. But those get the shoes as well...

I often tell friends to go out before dawn with a flashlight and if there is no dew on the grass, shine it over the grass. Many of the glittering reflections are those of spider eyes...

This video only reveals a few.

 
This picture smells of L&M cigarettes and Pine-Sol.

We had a Harvest Gold set very similar when we moved into our first new house when I was 4. Had Harvest Gold stove, washer/dryer and even the enameled sink.

As you get older, a strange thing happens. Things like the thoughts above stir long gone emotions and memories. I remember sitting at that table at 5am to eat breakfast with my dad. He left for work at 6. I hadn’t thought of that in a really long time.
 
I wish that was the case here in Texas. Any spider in the house, wandering around on the floor is considered, by me, to be a Brown Recluse or Hobo spider. That said, there are a lot of harmless Wolf spiders that make it into the house. But those get the shoes as well...

I often tell friends to go out before dawn with a flashlight and if there is no dew on the grass, shine it over the grass. Many of the glittering reflections are those of spider eyes...

I used to take the dogs walking in the park in the early morning wearing a headlamp. The whole park looked like a field of stars with all the spider eyes.

Fortunately they were all pretty anxious to get out of the way of approaching sounds and vibrations.
 
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