Share Your Poop!!!

Ankeny

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Thought I would play along with a gross pic. I googled "biggest turd in a toilet bowl". Damn near puked when I saw the results. Gonna take a hard pass on this thread.
 

powdahound76

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I don't mind blood, throw up, piss, brains or any bodily fluid on me...
However I cant do poop.

Doc
You dont get it on you. Well, technically you might. Butt, just near the exit.

You know you have funny poop stories.
share one!!
🤣
 

Mooseknuckles

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    Well I was done after number two today but had to deal with someone else’s number two twice today. Youngest (1 1/2 years old) left me a couple surprises. I can gut any animal, work on garbage trucks for 13 years but baby diaper will also make me puke 🤮
     
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    Mike Casselton

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  • Nov 25, 2007
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    Does anyone ever just kind of sit and read once the magic is done?

    Just going through the classifieds and I couldn't figure out why my bathroom smelled like a dead hog.

    Then I realized two things:
    I needed to wipe and I did in fact have some wild pork for dinner last night.
     

    powdahound76

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    No time for a big story.

    Yesterdays intake of eggs, green chile, and bacon for breakfast and grilled chicken and pinto beans with 2 kinda of salsa for lunch produced some awesome results today.

    7.5/10 over all.

    And about to drop number 2 number 2 which I am hoping is as good.
    yep, you read it here. 2 great poops by 1030 or so.
     

    Fig

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    tenor.gif
     

    SonicBurlap

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    All I have to add here is basically what I told one of my friends who is a Star Wars fan at the last chili cook off:

    "May the farts be with you!"
     
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    8pointer

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    Has anyone considered a custom throne room in the spirit of reloading spaces? I'm talking tv, possibly an inline macerating pump to nullify plumbing damage from rogue turds. I'm on 30+ year old Kohler high flow flush monsters, but on the downside the steep bowl design keeps me from getting unbroken masterpieces as often as I'd like they commonly break up on impact. So, I really only get picture worthy when I'm at a road game. Just like the perfect rifle......the quest for perfection continues.
     
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    Numedal

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    Has anyone considered a custom throne room in the spirit of reloading spaces? I'm talking tv, possibly an inline macerating pump to nullify plumbing damage from rogue turds. I'm on 30+ year old Kohler high flow flush monsters, but on the downside the steep bowl design keeps me from getting unbroken masterpieces as often as I'd like they commonly break up on impact. So, I really only get picture worthy when I'm at a road game. Just like the perfect rifle......the quest for perfection continues.
    The concept of having to macerate a turd to prevent plumbing damage terrifies me...
     
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    8pointer

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    The concept of having to macerate a turd to prevent plumbing damage terrifies me...
    It's not too bad just don't stare back at it if you get a straggler that won't cooperate....THAT's when shit happens.
     

    LeftyJason

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    First actual poop report. Was earlier this week.

    The night before (Wednesday) I had a steak that my wife cooked right before work, leftover rice and quinoa, and some Resers red potato salad. I work second shift. Sorta messes up my eating schedule which makes my digestive system weird. Most days get up around 9, I don't eat breakfast and don't eat til between noon and 2. Lunch is 7pm. Sometimes eat around midnight if I'm hungry.

    Around 4pm (Thursday) I started to get the feeling I had to go. So I start walking to the bathroom. While I'm walking I get that weird feeling that says go right now as you're holding it in. You know the one that's sort of a sharp pain that makes your step go higher. That one. Not a pleasant feeling.

    I make it in and go. It all comes out quickly. Not the solid nice kind. Happens with me sometimes. Side note it seems to happen to me more since I got my appendix out but not sure. Probably more my weird eating schedule. Could be because I am my dad's son. Any way I know that I had quinoa the night before cause it was there floating in the brown water.

    2.5/10
     

    Bundy

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    poop story

    A little backstory; my 3 year hadn’t pooped in a couple days, backstory done.

    So my son was playing in the backyard and comes sprinting through the house and heads for the shitter, a little while later he hollers to get his butt wiped. I walk in, and I notice a little nugget on the floor, so I ask him why there was a turd on the floor, he goes immediately to the ol excuse that the dog shit on the floor, I says hum, and shake my head. I walk on into the bathroom and in his pants are a few more little nuggets, so I says, I guess the dog shit in your pants too? Without missing a beat he says yep she did, cause she’s a bad dog! 🤦🏻‍♂️
     
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    Mike Casselton

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  • Nov 25, 2007
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    I'm reading about poop and pooping, while I poop.

    I woke up about 0445 and had to pee, so I get out of bed and take care of business.
    Wouldn't you know it, Ol' Tippy decides to come up for air. I told him hell no and went back to bed.

    Finally got out of bed at 0615 and made coffee. I figured I'd get through about a half cup before the Ol' Turdle showed up again.
    Nope. No hide and seek, no hanging around the exit ramp.
    It's now about an hour overdue so I decided to press (push) the issue.
    Wouldn't you know it, he shows up, right on command.

    Three distinct patterns today.
    Couple of short turds followed by a serving of pate and then some soft serve ice cream.

    I have a feeling the paperwork will require extra effort but I need to set the phone down for that... standby.







    Okay, all done. Had a couple of extra forms to fill out, but nothing noteworthy.
    Aroma, 1.125/10
    Texture, 7.79/10
    Effort, 3.7/10
    Feel, 6.5/10

    Overall score, I dunno, don't feel like doing any math.
     
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    powdahound76

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    Well, I was at my office today.
    Suddenly struck by the urge to go like no tomorrow.
    quickly moved to use the in office bathroom.

    Im pretty sure the paint is bubbled and a few tiles cracked it smelled so bad. Oh wow....
    Serious volume too. One of those commercial crappers that has a serious flush and I still had to hold the handle for several seconds to get it all gone.
    cleanup, I kinda was wishing for wet wipes after a few rounds with the so soft institutional TP. It took a bit more than normal due to soft consistency.

    9.0/10 for an over all.
    Really was hoping one of the prissy nurses in my office would follow shortly after and being holding her breath the whole time. it was that awesome!!
     
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    sharpshot50

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    I'll be honest. I clicked this thread while swallowing back a significant degree of fear for what I was getting myself into. 30 minutes later, I've had more laughs than the past 6 months combined.

    (y)(y)(y)
     
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    powdahound76

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    Another doozy!!!

    soft. Explosive pockets of gas mixed in for good splatter.
    horrible odor (had sugar last night, which I rarely do).

    8.2/10
     

    The D

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    Oh boy...

    I feel some burbling from the depths and we’re out and about
     
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    The D

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    PSA before I start the report. If anyone has a Crumbl cookie store near them and hasn’t been, do yourself a favor and go. It’s fantastic. It’s not “just cookies”, they’re incredible. I say this because my wife was picking up some on our way back home when I started getting the blub blubs. I wasn’t sure how long she would be because the line of cars waiting for curbside pick up was a damn mile long. Thankfully she wasn’t too long and we were on our way without too much discomfort. As we were walking to the front door though, shit escalated quickly(literally). I couldn’t say goodbye to our babysitter, made a beeline to the bathroom. And now, without further ado, your poop report;

    Effort: zero, the majority was on the way out as soon as I sat down. 10/10

    Consistency: the majority is very soft, the tail end has been a tiny bit frothy and splattery. 8.5/10

    Color: um, brown. 10/10

    Odor: plant killer, and one of our cats that likes to visit with me when I poop didn’t stay as long as he usually does. I’m not sure how to score these. Is it the worse the odor, the higher the score? Or the other way around? I’m going with the former. 9.1/10

    Overall a very pleasant experience.
     

    powdahound76

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    @The D - yeah. I mean its poop. And we aren't sorority girls (but if any of you are, hit me up in a PM.... :cool: ), so the nastier it is, the better the score.

    We also appreciate and over all score, though I do really like your breakdown.
    You can also score clean up. If you have to hit the TP roll for a 3rd or 4th time, thats serious. If you have to go under the sink for a wet wipe or 2 after the "debulking" work is done, that adds serious points.

    Its not a competition, as its kinda hard to judge remotely.

    Just the pure hilarity of it makes me laugh with everyone I read. Except that bummer by @Mike Casselton just above. Sad for you buddy....


    Also, if you have a great pee (one of those that lasts longer than 45 seconds of full stream and is greater than 1L of volume) thats an added bonus.
    I mean the one where you need to pee, stuck in traffic and nowhere to stop, so you just push home. Your lower abdomen feels bloated (you undo your pants and pull the lap belt away) and the pain/cramps are like someone perfed your and wall with a Phillips head screwdriver and is trying to tickle your sacrum.
    I have had a few of those in my life.
    One while stuck in the OR during an emergent case and wasn't able to walk normally to get to the bathroom.
     
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    The D

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    Does the writing your name in the snow count if you're a girl?
    I'll just say that Carla could do it. She was (at one time) a young blond hair, ice blue eyed Montana ranch girl.
    Only if it’s with diarrhea, this thread is about poops. That would be awesome, & hilarious, & the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen
     

    Ravenworks

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  • Feb 8, 2019
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    I've seen a turd wrap around a bowel 3X's, and when stretched out I'd imagine it'd be about four feet long.
    I weighed myself before and after, it weighed close to 6 pounds
    It left me shaken
     
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    Mike Casselton

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  • Nov 25, 2007
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    Only if it’s with diarrhea, this thread is about poops. That would be awesome, & hilarious, & the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen

    Dangit, I coulda sworn @powdahound76 said peeing in the snow counted too.

    Funny story.
    Carla and I were working on an aircraft on either spot 90 or 91 one cold winter night. I had gone behind the blast fence to take a piss instead of driving 350 yards back to the shop.
    I get back on the aircraft and the crew chief shows up a few minutes later. Carla says, dammit, I gotta take a piss now, I'm heading behind the blast fence. She climbs down and heads to the back of the aircraft. Unbeknownst to the crew chief, she keeps going into the hangar (dock 80) behind us and takes care of business.
    She comes back a few minutes later saying how good it felt just to piss outside again.

    The crew chief couldn't believe she would do such a thing, so Carla tells him to go look for himself.
    Sure enough, he finds frozen evidence of someone pissing behind the fence.

    He's blown away.
    He's also dumb and quite gullible but he never did find out that it was my piss he was staring at. He probably went home and jerked off thinking about her nekkid.


    Back up about four years and we have this ex-Army complete dumbass working in our shop on HC-130 (P&N models).
    We were working on the left side air refueling pod when Scott says he has to pee.
    Any of you guys familiar with the C-130 knows there is a honey bucket and next to it, a piss pot that drains overboard.

    Well, right next to the drain is also the hydraulic surge overboard drain. Note that the hydraulic drain is clearly marked.
    Anyway, we set up with comms and blank ol' Owen out on the comms.
    Scott is inside standing over the piss pot when he tells me to hit the hydraulic pump switch since he's just starting to flow.

    Ol' Owen hollers to Scott "Hey, we have something coming through the drain."

    Scott tells him to feel it to see what it is and Owen says he can't tell.
    So Scott tells him to smell it and Owen's response is that it smells just like piss.

    Here's where the disappointment in training comes in. Instead of Scott requesting a taste test, he tells ol' dumbass that the reason it smells like piss is because it is piss.
    Everyone had a great laugh except for our idiot. He was mad as hell, but couldn't do anything about it since any admission of it happening would prove his lack of knowledge on the airframe and would have resulted in his decertification.

    I'd have to say he was the most arrogant, dumbest and scariest person I've ever had to work around.
     

    8pointer

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    In short: Victory. What a morning gonna be a great day. Also may need to repaint bathroom walls.

    1615719146753.png
     
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    powdahound76

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    I will take great pee stories too. Those 2 you told Mike, were solid examples.
    I mean, this is the Hide, do threads really stay on topic???

    Out on the road for a while in icy roads. Hoping for no emergent poop needs......
     

    8pointer

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    To further that has anyone broached the topic of farts? Because I like farts. A standing desk has been a revolutionary experience for my flutter flappers the reverb is excellent. To the point where I really need to be careful when on the phone now no letting them rumble into an office chair these things have real bark.
     

    powdahound76

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    I think it would be perfectly acceptable to either combine or have a separate thread for each Poop, Pee, and Farts.

    Farts are a hoot. My kid loves fresh veggies and fruit. She farts better than most adults. Just 9 yrs old.
    She will be face timing with my parents who live in IA and my dad will hear them and you can just see him beam with pride!!! 😁 😁
     
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    8pointer

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    Make the most of your butt toast and reach for the stars. Does the new site upgrade include a sound recorder? Maybe a fart poll?

    I'd like to take this opportunity to remind Pit dwellers of the awesome opportunity escalators provide to crop dust a multitude of people. My favorite is the Atlanta airport and if you have ever changed terminals you know after the tram comes the extremely long escalator ride. My best escalator fart ever maybe 10 years ago returning from a trip where eating debauchery was in order for days. I dropped this beast as I stepped on the escalator and it was a for real 10 second fart. As I turned around to watch the masses inhaling I was doing my best not to cry easily one of the best laughs of my life. Everyone blaming someone in their travel party 'you son of a bitch OMG!'. Possibly one of my best farts ever and got to share it with a solid 75 people.

    #proud
     
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    The D

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    To further that has anyone broached the topic of farts? Because I like farts. A standing desk has been a revolutionary experience for my flutter flappers the reverb is excellent. To the point where I really need to be careful when on the phone now no letting them rumble into an office chair these things have real bark.
    Of fart stories are fair game then I’ve got a few great ones

    I was still in school, sometime just before I got my license because my best friend and I were still riding the bus and sitting in the very back row. It was the beginning-ish of the year, weather was warm and some of the windows were down. I have no idea what I ate but it could not have been fit for human consumption. I think the bus was full, or mostly full at least. I felt like an over-inflated balloon, so of course I was going to gas my friend. As soon as I started I knew it was going to be worse than I thought. Immediately my friend started gasping for breath, cursing at me , & laughing hysterically. A second later the girl across from us was disgusted and cursing. A few seconds after her, it was a few seats in front of us. And so on and so on... because the windows were down it was carried all the way to the front of the bus. It didn’t weaken much, all of the little kids at the front were screaming and holding their noses. Even the bus driver had to wave it away from his nose. Both my friend and I still love telling that story
     

    8pointer

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    I'm rather disappointed in the lack of fartology in the Pit. It confirms in my mind what a rare and blessed skill it is to be a true Fartist.
     
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    TicTacTex

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    When my brother come down with a touch of the ‘rona, he lost his smell, so I’d walk buy him and drop a silent killer, and he wouldn’t even know it, then later I’d tell him he was unknowingly inhaling my fart cloud. 😎

    If I let an audible one rip, he’d take off running the other way, not knowing where the death cloud would settle.
     

    The D

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    I'm rather disappointed in the lack of fartology in the Pit. It confirms in my mind what a rare and blessed skill it is to be a true Fartist.
    Fret not, I can add a double header. First my poop report

    I just made the most disgusting and worst smelling bowl of chocolate pudding. Ever. I had to open the window that’s in our bathroom

    And my next fart story

    This happened at my first real mechanic job after tech school. The night before I was watching MNF at a bar with some friends. This place had free homemade chili and a happy hour special on pitchers of Guinness. I’ll leave it up to you to imagine what kind of storm was a-brewin... That night we also got some snow so the next day we weren’t very busy. I pulled a car out to the lot and joined a big circle of guys bullshitting, basically waiting to be told they could go home. I walked next to one of the guys I was watching football with the night before and joined the conversation. After a few minutes I had to let one go. So I did. After a few seconds it crept on everyone else and of course they started gasping for breath and backing away. I started laughing uncontrollably but so was the guy I was standing next to. We both looked at each other and asked, “Did you shit your pants too?”. Completely unplanned, he and I nerve gassed about 12 other people at the exact same time and it was one of the most hilarious things I can remember.