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The Official Unofficial 2021 Horrible Christmas Gift Thread

For all of you that have relatives living in Florida. Did you get your annual supply of grapefruit and oranges?
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Do they think we are so backwards that delivery trucks don't come here but the post office does?
 
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For all of you that have relatives living in Florida. Did you get your annual supply of grapefruit and oranges?
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Do they think we are so backwards that delivery trucks don't come here but the post office does?
Mu grandmother used to come out to az for the winter. She would go pick fruit to send back to friends. She was so damn cheap…… she swore they loved it…. Right
 
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Mu grandmother used to come out to az for the winter. She would go pick fruit to send back to friends. She was so damn cheap…… she swore they loved it…. Right
Her friends probably DID appreciate them. My son asked my 94 MIL what her most memorable Christmas present of all time was. Her answer - a tangerine. Says when she was little it was a thrill to get anything at all and fresh fruit was NOT an everyday or even every-month occurrence so the tangerine was a real treat. This before 7 of my grandkids seemed to compete to see who could open and toss to the side the dozen or so presents that sat before each of them. Later one of the youngest asked if there were any more presents he could open. Turns out lots of small presents gets more mileage than one or two big (expensive) ones.
 
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My bad gift? I had a rouge Grinch customer rip me off for $400 worth of product this week. At first I really took it personal being Christmas week and all but I reminded myself how lucky I am. I just pretend he needed the money for his family or something……..

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it's the thought that counts

/what were they thinking, i have no idea...
 
Her friends probably DID appreciate them. My son asked my 94 MIL what her most memorable Christmas present of all time was. Her answer - a tangerine. Says when she was little it was a thrill to get anything at all and fresh fruit was NOT an everyday or even every-month occurrence so the tangerine was a real treat. This before 7 of my grandkids seemed to compete to see who could open and toss to the side the dozen or so presents that sat before each of them. Later one of the youngest asked if there were any more presents he could open. Turns out lots of small presents gets more mileage than one or two big (expensive) ones.

Yeah I remember this from childhood in Germany. Before everything became a giant race of over commercialized shit, I remember treats like fruit, especially oranges and figs, Christmas cake, a fig/walnut 'cake' and other treats like marzipan (yuck) that were all rare because they were either very expensive, or you could just not regularly get them.

That was Christmas, and you enjoyed it.
 
Last year, my dad’s wife gave me a roll of blue shop towels for Christmas.
 
My wife’s great aunt brought us this 4’ Christmas tree made from pine cones. It smells like her attic and is an absolutely useless item given to free up space in her home without feeling guilty that she threw it out for the trash people.

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I'd just use that to keep the fire used to burn all the wrappings and shit stoked.
 
Im waiting for the influx of whining and horrible gifts as I can feel the disturbance in the force as many are currently receiving their 'gifts'.

So far cock mug and FUBU pants are pretty bad. The pinecone tree would go up a few notches if it was on fire. Just saying.
 
Maybe not so much as a gift, but my parents/brother/sister came down for the kids first Christmas. First time in years we’ve all been together for a holiday.

So far, it’s been a shitshow. My wife and father keep going at it, to the point I’ve had to get them in different rooms to cool off. I knew the first day it was gonna go south, when by 1030am I had fielded 6 calls from my parents who were watching the twins as I/she worked…

Not enough liquor in the world to get me out of this one.
 
Nothing shitty this year. I guess the family knows me.
 
I/we got great gifts here, to which we truly are very thankful. BUT, I had to miss Christmas dinner at the MIL's because I was waiting for the city to come out and check the sewers here. Seems there's an issue between the house and the street sewer, and ain't NOTHING moving.

Oh What Fun It Is......

Calling a plumber in the morning. I pray this is a 'roto-rooter' type of thing and not a 'backhoe gonna dig a bunker' type of thing.

Merry Christmas!

Gotta get the plumber with the camera-snake thingy,,,,, ya'll sure you want pictures? Maybe just of the bills, right?
 
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I usually clean the carpet a couple times a year.
We have three teenagers who are not allowed to wear shoes in the house, but they constantly try to forget that.
Did I mention having a fat, dirty cat and an 84lb hair factory of a dog.

Pic of the cat doesn't do justice to his Jabba looking ass.
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The other hair factory.
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Anyway, my oldest daughter comes over with her new husband and even newer 1yr old dog. (1yr old and lived in a rescue his entire life...)

This is him on the left with my mutt giving him the stink eye just before a little dose of "we don't behave that way".
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Christmas morning:
The kids arrive, and to my fantastic surprise, they have my youngest daughter in tow. A nice secret trip down for a few days visit.
Yaaaaay, dad is happy.

(For a while)

They get out of the car and Buddy the dog escapes their grasp and heads down the street...

Anybody see where I'm headed?

The perp is captured and made to go potty before coming in.

I repeat, does anyone see where this is going?

They get inside and all is well for about an hour.

He's been drinking too much.
No, not me. Buddy...

Meanwhile, we've opened presents and Neal gets a doggy care and cleanup kit, mostly sort of a joke that can actually be used.

He no sooner sets down the kit and...
Buddy pisses in the middle of my living room.

He's stopped and immediately taken outside to finish his business.

Neal looks at me and remarks that he knew he'd use it but didn't expect it to be so soon...

My daughter brings Ol' Buddy inside and while cleanup is being completed, he decides to shit next to the piano.

Now I can go into detail how the rest of the day went, but suffice to say that shitting 3 times and pissing 7 times is a bit much for me.

The kids leave and my youngest stays with us.


You may ask yourself where this is all leading to?
Remember I mentioned carpet cleaning way up there ^^^^^^^ ?

I got up this morning, made coffee and took my very well behaved hair factory out for her morning potty break. She's happy. She got to run a squirrel away from the squirrel feeder and strutted around the lawn until I called her in.

I get inside and pour my cup full, sit on my spot on the couch.

For some reason my eyes are drawn to piss spot #6.

In the early morning light, I notice a weird glow in the distinct pattern of his urine.

It's fucking glowing. I look around and every spot where he's "tinkled" has the same Christmas glow to it, and the "clean" spot is lighter in color than the rest.

Fuck...

Remember way back there ^^^ I mentioned carpet cleaning?

Merry Christmas dad. Can you clean the carpets?


Oh, and to top it off, as they were getting ready to leave last night, Ol' squatty piss boy decided to lift his leg, and pissed on me...

Merry Christmas you buncha filthy animals. 🤶🎅
 
My wife’s great aunt brought us this 4’ Christmas tree made from pine cones. It smells like her attic and is an absolutely useless item given to free up space in her home without feeling guilty that she threw it out for the trash people.

View attachment 7768404
That is just atrocious. A good place for it is in the back corner of your lot where you can safely light it on fire.....
 
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i think emma's 4 packages of ramen should be the winner, especially since it is a real present and not a joke gift.
 
That is just atrocious. A good place for it is in the back corner of your lot where you can safely light it on fire.....
Thought I might return it to the woods from wence it came. I am blessed with a lot of woods….
 
My wife’s great aunt brought us this 4’ Christmas tree made from pine cones. It smells like her attic and is an absolutely useless item given to free up space in her home without feeling guilty that she threw it out for the trash people.

View attachment 7768404
I got something to make short work of those and have some good fun doing it
 
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$200B oil and gas company and they gave all the field guys these Nambé bowls with company logo on them. Took it home and even the wife rolled her eyes! Daughter loved it at least , wanted it for her dolls.
Company also had corporate holiday party. Only invited the jabbed folks. Then only those in attendance were eligible for raffles.
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Would love some of the things you guys got..... I got a pair of shitty shoes and a leftover water bottle that our sales guys use while out at shows. They are going with a new logo so they gave us techs the old ones. We got those while the people in the office were getting $5,000 bonus checks and other high dollar amount items.
 
Would love some of the things you guys got..... I got a pair of shitty shoes and a leftover water bottle that our sales guys use while out at shows. They are going with a new logo so they gave us techs the old ones. We got those while the people in the office were getting $5,000 bonus checks and other high dollar amount items.
I'll trade you one latch hook soccer ball rug for one water bottle. PM for shipping details 🤣
 
Would love some of the things you guys got..... I got a pair of shitty shoes and a leftover water bottle that our sales guys use while out at shows. They are going with a new logo so they gave us techs the old ones. We got those while the people in the office were getting $5,000 bonus checks and other high dollar amount items.

If you feel that left out, I can piss on your carpet.
Shitting costs extra though. 😁