Maggie’s Funny & awesome pics, vids and memes thread (work safe, no nudity)

Come on Forrest....you know I'm being funny in a macabre way.
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Best quote I have read in a while.

“The press is a gang of cruel faggоts. Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuсkoffs and misfits—a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage.” -- Hunter S. Thompson
 
I have now officially joined the grandpa club and am stoked to be part of it. All you old bastards seem to have so much fun with it. I was fortunate to be travelling TDY and just happened to be an hour away from my daughter's location. Plus she wasn't due until the 14th, but some complications forced an early inducement and I just happened to be nearby. Mother is doing fine and the baby is healthy so I can't ask for anything more. I think my daughter thought I was joking when I asked if I should buy her her first gun at 5 or 6 years old.
Congrats brother. My grandson indeed is my favorite person on Earth. It changes everything 🤩
 
Not just that, but other "elective" procedures. One of the things that really ticks me off.

Funny story the doc was talking to me yesterday telling me all that was going to happen, eat not eat that kind of thing. And I noticed his watch. I am a "watch guy" so I will notice watches. It was one of those "computer" watches, but the band had in the script. We the people.

As he was leaving and the kid was coming in to do my EKG I said I like your watch band....he said oh thanks, he said you never know how people are going to take it.

That was just sad
My last yearly was supposed to be Jan. 10. They cancelled because of Omicron. Haven’t heard back from them.

Wife has deep chest cough, tried to get an appointment to get lungs checked. They could only do it by phone. How the fuck do you listen for pneumonia by phone?

That profession sucks.
 
My last yearly was supposed to be Jan. 10. They cancelled because of Omicron. Haven’t heard back from them.

Wife has deep chest cough, tried to get an appointment to get lungs checked. They could only do it by phone. How the fuck do you listen for pneumonia by phone?

That profession sucks.

While a friction rub is a good indicator, a 2 view chest xray is the best way to diagnose a pneumonia.
Other lung sounds can be appreciated, low air flow, rhonchi, etc, but really need the xray.

And yes.

Like you in your old position, a few smart and dedicated folks surrounded by flippin idiots.
Lots of idiots.
 
I'd rather undergo a dozen IVs than have to drink Satan's nectar.

Then statistically speaking you have a 1 in 20 chance of dying from ass cancer.

I think I'll drink satan's water and have a camera stuck up my butt every few years. Except now they a pill form of the prep that is much easier to take if your doctor will allow

East to stop? I don't think so. I developed a very aggressive, fast growing colon cancer 18 months after a colonsocopy. Doc found it when he did surgery for diverticulitis. Thought he got it all but it returned just a few months and wiped out my bladder. Lot's of folks on a three year colonoscopy schedule die from stage 4 colon cancer every year.

Not lots. Very few actually.

Could yall stop it with the colon cancer shit.
Buncha morbid motherfuckers.
Everyone knows butt cancer is caused by buttsex.
If I was some of yall I'd get a colonoscopy too.

Now let's get back to funny shit.
I couldn't agree more. Doesn't anyone have some funny dog gif's?
 
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Not if NASA's number one goal for the 'return to the Moon' is "To put women and people of color on the moon." Yes, that's their stated goal. And they are recycling crap equipment and doing no new risky science... they are just virtue signalling.

Hope that when they turn the 'Women and POC's' into an aluminum shower over the South Atlantic in a couple of years that folks remember... NASA's goal was not to advance science or find the best and the brightest or to expand our knowledge as a species. But was to launch some melanin- and mammary- equipped space chimps to the Moon to... virtue signal. The dead astronauts will deserve their long, conscious drop into the ocean... for playing along with it. Knowing they are there because they are worthless tokens.

But whatever... It'll be a good show. And lots of new astronaut jokes! Starburst sales will pick up again.
Disgusting...

Sirhr
What if NASA's main mission has always been to funnel money to politicians. :unsure: :unsure: :unsure:
 
Always laughed at this picture, but it was pointed out to me that underneath the photoshop was Lynn Thompson, the founder of Cold Steel Knives, a competent shooter and fairly well trained in a few martial arts. I hope he has a good sense of humor.
Obviously a black belt in kung pow (chicken)