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The 'heres a little known embarassing fact about me' thread

I bribed a Punta Cana airport security screener with a "case" of Juicy Fruit gum

by case, it was whatever they call the small boxes that hold the gum for display in stores, this:

91KPFlbvwiL._SL1500_.jpg
 
Worked for a company that made Medical/Sutgical devices. At one point they aquired a competitor . After we had finished with moving the aquired assets from Connecticut to Pa the senior management called the whole company together . So about sixty people yammereing and talking while the head of engineering is trying to speak . Just as I decide to go all retard in normal converstional volume with quiet Lurch speaks everyone clams up . You could have heard a fuckin pin drop . Never got the stink eye from so many at one time . Lurch was embarrassed as well and turned bright red . As I recall his voice cracked the whole time he was speaking .
 
6th grade I agreed with a girl in class discussion that we shouldn't waste money on the space shuttle when there were poor people in the country. I had a big crush on her but she didn't want me. Two yrs later I realized she was fucking Ugly.

What hes not telling is, everybody in the class called his best friend "Ugly", you know, nickname.....
😁
 
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Worked for a company that made Medical/Sutgical devices. At one point they aquired a competitor . After we had finished with moving the aquired assets from Connecticut to Pa the senior management called the whole company together . So about sixty people yammereing and talking while the head of engineering is trying to speak . Just as I decide to go all retard in normal converstional volume with quiet Lurch speaks everyone clams up . You could have heard a fuckin pin drop . Never got the stink eye from so many at one time . Lurch was embarrassed as well and turned bright red . As I recall his voice cracked the whole time he was speaking .

That happened to a buddy when he was talking to me at a concert, the song ended abruptly and all everyone heard was him yell "It's like fucking a fist!".
 
We were leaving a job site one day and had just finished loading up the large 20' enclosed trailer. As I was pulling away my buddy asks "what's that screech?" I look in the mirror and notice that the trailer is dragging a Porta john down the driveway with it. I stop the truck, we get out and I say to my buddy " well at least nobody was in it". At that moment some dude slowly opens the door, still pulling his pants up and not sure what just happened walks off and into the job. Fortunately we never had to go back
 
I was a male cheer leader in college.

Back in middle school, there was a male cheer leader we all made fun of. Called him a homo, and every other name in the book.

Fast forward to high school and the guy is knee deep in fine pussy. Not just fucking our cheerleaders, but fucking other school’s cheerleaders. He also got a scholarship for cheerleading.

If I could go back in time, I’d be a male cheer leader instead of going into wrestling. While I was being “cool” grappling with sweaty dudes, he was being a “homo” grabbing bitches by the pussy.
 
We were leaving a job site one day and had just finished loading up the large 20' enclosed trailer. As I was pulling away my buddy asks "what's that screech?" I look in the mirror and notice that the trailer is dragging a Porta john down the driveway with it. I stop the truck, we get out and I say to my buddy " well at least nobody was in it". At that moment some dude slowly opens the door, still pulling his pants up and not sure what just happened walks off and into the job. Fortunately we never had to go back

So youre the fucking one driving that truck.
 
Ok. So I set up a meeting with a hooker. She looked good in the photo, but when I got there to pick her up, she looked really bad.

I should have just drove off, but figured I could at least go Hoby Buchanon on her.

Well she gets in and as we drive to a shag pad, she starts doing cocaine. I pulled over and told her to get out, as I really don’t want drugs in my ride.

Skank goes apeshit. Starts freaking out, refuses to leave, screams loud when I open the door to remove her.

So I say “I’ll give you $50 to get the fuck out and go away.” She asks for $100. So I paid her and went home and watched porn.

-Fin

Damn, yo
 
I got a call from a random number once, from someone with a thick Chinese accent trying to sell me something, and being super hard to understand and communicate with. Turned out it was my friend, just calling to fuck with me. Fast forward a week, I get another call from someone with a thick Chinese accent, trying to sell me something. I unload on him, insulting him and his shitty accent, and other awful things that no one should say to anyone. I wait for a response because I thought it was my friend, but all I got was a confused, offended and hurt Chinese man asking me why I said all that stuff. I couldn't apologize enough, so I said sorry and hung up on him.
 
Embarrassing as hell. I once slept with a thicker girl in college due to beer goggles, woke up, deciding if I should wake her, or bite my arm off and be called "lefty" for life. Thank god I fell asleep again and she was gone when I woke up again. I avoid college reunions exactly for this reason.
That's why you chew both arms off, cuz she'll be looking for a one armed man.
 
Embarrassment #1...when I was young (5-12yrs old)... I was a gymnast. There is a lot emotional baggage there to unpack about being called a homo, yet being stronger than anyone else in my school, and getting to hang around young attractive girls in leotards for 2 hours everyday after school and being too young to do anything about it.

Embarrassment #2... I was in love with a girl named Kelly Garrison (1988 Olympic Gymnast) . We are from the same home town, and I trained in her gym for years and our parents were good friends. She is 4 years older than me, so I was kind of like a little brother to her. But she was, and still is fucking beautiful.

So, my dumb ass writes a poem about her...not just a simple sweet poem, but a long sappy, love sick poem. I keep it to myself for a lot of years, but then my mom finds it and enteres it into a local poem contest....it fucking wins "honorable mention" and gets published in the local paper!!

Kelly Garrison:
1598193609803.png
 
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Michelle Obama blew me once, but this was a long time ago. Back when he was a lineman for the Oregon Beavers.

did you just confess to knowingly getting a bj from a male/boy.

WTF is going on in the thread
 
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I like frozen sour patch kids AND once bought an R700 ACC-SD and thought it was the best investment I could make when I actually had the money to buy something of quality.
#TimeOpensAllWounds
1598195383797.gif
 
Embarrassment #1...when I was young (5-12yrs old)... I was a gymnast. There is a lot emotional baggage there to unpack about being called a homo, yet being stronger than anyone else in my school, and getting to hang around young attractive girls in leotards for 2 hours everyday after school and being too young to do anything about it.

Embarrassment #2... I was in love with a girl named Kelly Garrison (1988 Olympic Gymnast) . We are from the same home town, and I trained in her gym for years and our parents were good friends. She is 4 years older than me, so I was kind of like a little brother to her. But she was, and still is fucking beautiful.

So, my dumb ass writes a poem about her...not just a simple sweet poem, but a long sappy, love sick poem. I keep it to myself for a lot of years, but then my mom finds it and enteres it into a local poem contest....it fucking wins "honorable mention" and gets published in the local paper!!

Kelly Garrison:
View attachment 7405866

The poem or it didnt happen...LOL.
 
Embarrassing as hell. I once slept with a thicker girl in college due to beer goggles, woke up, deciding if I should wake her, or bite my arm off and be called "lefty" for life. Thank god I fell asleep again and she was gone when I woke up again. I avoid college reunions exactly for this reason.

I actively pursue fat women. When I’ve struck out on the 3-10’s, fat women are my Hail Mary before I resort to getting a hooker.

Fat women suck and fuck harder. It’s really quite an interesting thing. Hotties don’t try as hard, since they are hot. Plus, fat women are way more likely to engage in a threesome with another woman. Just saying...
 
I actively pursue fat women. When I’ve struck out on the 3-10’s, fat women are my Hail Mary before I resort to getting a hooker.

Fat women suck and fuck harder. It’s really quite an interesting thing. Hotties don’t try as hard, since they are hot. Plus, fat women are way more likely to engage in a threesome with another woman. Just saying...

You havent been around long enough to remember Shankster. Ya'll would have been tight. He had a whole crew of Hefties'.
 
I got a call from a random number once, from someone with a thick Chinese accent trying to sell me something, and being super hard to understand and communicate with. Turned out it was my friend, just calling to fuck with me. Fast forward a week, I get another call from someone with a thick Chinese accent, trying to sell me something. I unload on him, insulting him and his shitty accent, and other awful things that no one should say to anyone. I wait for a response because I thought it was my friend, but all I got was a confused, offended and hurt Chinese man asking me why I said all that stuff. I couldn't apologize enough, so I said sorry and hun

Did you call him back to apologize for hanging up on him? Sorry, eh.
 
I pay a stripper named Misty two grand a month in hush money. It used to be five grand a month for too many years, but thankfully it's only two grand now.

First pistol qual I shot low marksman on qual day despite coming a few points shy of expert on pre-qual, I couldn't even spell pistol then much less shoot one. I got a Browning Buckmark and shot the fuck out of it every weekend until I actually got my shitty wristing trigger control under control, but I still had to rock a pizza box for six months as a Sniper Team Leader.

And now for my deepest, darkest embarrassing secret. I'm Creedmoor curious and have a JP 6.5 barrel for a large frame AR in the safe. I haven't gone all the way yet, and am afraid to drink too much when I'm home alone because I may go down to the basement and complete the deed. You can shoot .260 and .308 all your life, but once you shoot a Creed once, everyone knows you as a Creed shooter.
 
Pissed myself once during a cross country race because I didn’t want to stop running. Only one person noticed and I just laughed in the most psychotic way I knew how when we made eye contact lolol
I hear ya, but not embarrassing. That's a fucking badge of honor and proof of dedication to win.
I ran one with the hershey squirts
 
I pay a stripper named Misty two grand a month in hush money. It used to be five grand a month for too many years, but thankfully it's only two grand now.

First pistol qual I shot low marksman on qual day despite coming a few points shy of expert on pre-qual, I couldn't even spell pistol then much less shoot one. I got a Browning Buckmark and shot the fuck out of it every weekend until I actually got my shitty wristing trigger control under control, but I still had to rock a pizza box for six months as a Sniper Team Leader.

And now for my deepest, darkest embarrassing secret. I'm Creedmoor curious and have a JP 6.5 barrel for a large frame AR in the safe. I haven't gone all the way yet, and am afraid to drink too much when I'm home alone because I may go down to the basement and complete the deed. You can shoot .260 and .308 all your life, but once you shoot a Creed once, everyone knows you as a Creed shooter.
Hi, I shoot Creedmoor. Wanna hold hands?
 
Hi, I shoot Creedmoor. Wanna hold hands?
Why do you think I just ordered that 45-70? I now need to overcompensate. When it shows up, we can pray the gay away together.

I've actually had that JP barrel for years, just little reason (and even less funds) to finish the assembly. You still have dibs on that extra SH receiver set of mine if you ever want it.

Like telling everyone that you are a Vegan?
The wife and I ate at a hippie restaurant last night in the hills (both had filet minion at least), it preached gluten free, organic, local, blah blah blah and everyone wearing a mask but us, and I woke up last night in a cold sweat thinking about taking a sledge to a tractor tire and waving ropes around after during burpies. Fuck, that shit was close, but ate a bunch of processed bacon this morning and slapping ribs on the grill this afternoon should clean it out of my system.
 
had a Send-It electronic level in my shopping cart once.
decided i couldn't afford it.
 
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...And now for my deepest, darkest embarrassing secret. I'm Creedmoor curious and have a JP 6.5 barrel for a large frame AR in the safe. I haven't gone all the way yet, and am afraid to drink too much when I'm home alone because I may go down to the basement and complete the deed. You can shoot .260 and .308 all your life, but once you shoot a Creed once, everyone knows you as a Creed shooter.
1598204494134.gif
 
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