- Thread starter Lapuapalooza
- Start date
You're acting just like your mother.
mine may leave me if I did that! Her mother was a great woman but she had some attributes my wife couldn’t stand!I just call her by her mother's name.
One time someone told my wife to "calm the fuck down" yeah if we weren't under contract to use his services and atleast ten miles away she would have killed him. I learned at young age never ever tell a woman to calm down.
Well when you get married you don't go from getting laid everyday to every other day.
Naw- you go from everyday to never.
Get a hooker
Although my friend Lars had a real girl and she NEVER complained about how many times a day we did it.
Poor guy,I never did tell him about it because it would have broke his heart.
Although most mail order brides do double dip
That is the Nuclear bomb here.I just call her by her mother's name.
Damn, that would be a hydrogen bomb around here too. I will never go there.
THAT would not work with mine.
Litterally happened last time we went to Alabama.
Her: Which way do I go after I get into Alabama?
Me: Just head South.
Her: I don't know which way South is.
Me: How embarrassing.
Her: Well smarty-pants how can YOU tell?
Me: Its after noon, in January, I'm betting that big red ball is gonna set in the Southwest, yet again today. Keep the sun slightly on your right.
Her: What if the road doesn't go that way?
Me: Then follow those big assed signs that say "South I85".
I tell mine if she keeps her shit up we are moving to Afghanistan...so I can beat her and not get in trouble.
I like to lay my head on her lap and and say everything twice..... you know..... like an echo...
good way to get smacked upside the head
good way to get smacked upside the head
i like to play jokes on my wife. Then reference them
1. Shoplifting. Two weeks after I had my knee replacement (and my wallet disappeared...I think it fell in the trash. Called and replaced the cards) I had had enough sitting around or lying in bed. So, I went shopping. I was on one crutch. When I was done, I decided to pull the wife's chain for bitching about me going/doctor didn't say I could, etc. I told her I got busted for shoplifting. I was in pain and forgot to pay for something. They stopped me at the door and took me in the back security room. They took my sweatpants. Thank god I had underwear. Asked how I got beer without an ID (lost wallet, waiting on that). Security said I probably stole my card from someone. All you people on crutches and wheelchairs steal shit. Probably stole my phone too! Can you come downtown and bail me out? Said the security guy was coming back into the room and was putting rubber gloves on... Each thing I said, she was all WTF!! going off. I busted out laughing at the "gloves" point. Now, all I gotta say is "shoplifting" and she goes off.
2. Demure inner child. When we lived in Idaho and we were having some issues, I drove her up on this beautiful spot overlooking the Cabinet Mtns. I told that in spite of me being a rough sort, I really had this demure inner child that loved things sweet and pretty. I got the "AAAWWEOHH, That's so sweet of you." I couldn't hide the evil he, he, he laugh, laugh and she got pissed. But, she somehow believed that somewhere inside me was this sweet child, so she called my brother and asked him. He said, "Yeah he's got and inner child, Damian."
3. Teabag/potato sack As a gag gift for a batchelor party I was given a deck of "porn" cards. My wife like them, except one of them was a guy teabagging a girl. When the wife was pregnant with our first, that struck here the wrong way, Oh man did that somehow piss her off. And of course, when the "Chuck Norris-isms" came about, potato sacking was just an extension of that.
I've been married 33 years and it always makes me laugh when tossing out a metaphor and watching her go off.
1. Shoplifting. Two weeks after I had my knee replacement (and my wallet disappeared...I think it fell in the trash. Called and replaced the cards) I had had enough sitting around or lying in bed. So, I went shopping. I was on one crutch. When I was done, I decided to pull the wife's chain for bitching about me going/doctor didn't say I could, etc. I told her I got busted for shoplifting. I was in pain and forgot to pay for something. They stopped me at the door and took me in the back security room. They took my sweatpants. Thank god I had underwear. Asked how I got beer without an ID (lost wallet, waiting on that). Security said I probably stole my card from someone. All you people on crutches and wheelchairs steal shit. Probably stole my phone too! Can you come downtown and bail me out? Said the security guy was coming back into the room and was putting rubber gloves on... Each thing I said, she was all WTF!! going off. I busted out laughing at the "gloves" point. Now, all I gotta say is "shoplifting" and she goes off.
2. Demure inner child. When we lived in Idaho and we were having some issues, I drove her up on this beautiful spot overlooking the Cabinet Mtns. I told that in spite of me being a rough sort, I really had this demure inner child that loved things sweet and pretty. I got the "AAAWWEOHH, That's so sweet of you." I couldn't hide the evil he, he, he laugh, laugh and she got pissed. But, she somehow believed that somewhere inside me was this sweet child, so she called my brother and asked him. He said, "Yeah he's got and inner child, Damian."
3. Teabag/potato sack As a gag gift for a batchelor party I was given a deck of "porn" cards. My wife like them, except one of them was a guy teabagging a girl. When the wife was pregnant with our first, that struck here the wrong way, Oh man did that somehow piss her off. And of course, when the "Chuck Norris-isms" came about, potato sacking was just an extension of that.
I've been married 33 years and it always makes me laugh when tossing out a metaphor and watching her go off.
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