Thats a hell of a story!Fuck. Ok. Here goes.
I was 15 when I met my 16 year old Cousin. And I realized that there was such a thing as a Cousin hot enough to dick down anyway.
She saw the look on my face too. My dad and her father and a buddy left us to go fly their airplane. First thing she said was “Wanna go see my room?”.
Yes please.
We are in her room and she comes over and french kisses me hard and tells me to hurry before they get back.
Before we can get anywhere, we hear the plane fly over the house making a whop whop whop noise. Then BOOOM. The nothing.
We run outside and the plane had crashed on the front lawn. The amount of gore coming out of the cockpit told me everyone was dead. Including my father.
I hear someone banging at the back side of the plane so I run over to the other side. It’s my dad, and he’s trying to get a door open from the outside to help the guys inside.
Turns out he was so fat the plane would have been over weight if he had gotten in too. 400lbs saved his life. So he was coming back to the house, and would have caught us in the act.
Her father and his buddy were totally dead.
The father had forgotten to put a control cable back on and couldn’t control the plane.
- Thread starter TheGerman
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Thats a hell of a story!
With my luck...I would have gotten her pregnant with fuckin twins.
She was so hot she went into modeling, then got married and had a bunch of kids with some rich tech guy.
She was so hot she went into modeling, then got married and had a bunch of kids with some rich tech guy.
You should have just gone to the Alpine Inn and had their fillet.
It's probably gone to shit now that the daughters and grand daughters have taken over.
High school:
Sat next to this blonde cutie of a cheerleader every day.
Never even tried to ask her out.
She became the first spokesperson for Hooters and a Playboy Playmate.
Lynne Austin...
Sat next to this blonde cutie of a cheerleader every day.
Never even tried to ask her out.
She became the first spokesperson for Hooters and a Playboy Playmate.
Lynne Austin...
Not me I was a male whore... I even tagged a girl that was a self proclaimed witch in high school, 2 of my moms friends, and other bad things... if it was alive I tried to hit it....
It all started in 7th grade.... she was older... I was horny...
It all started in 7th grade.... she was older... I was horny...
I date a Colombian woman. There are nights when I think that if she every channeled as much energy in to rage as she does to fucking my brains out I might very well wake up with a Colombian jock strap (Think Colombian neck tie but lower). Then she wakes up, throws it on me again, and I get amnesia! Oh and I shoot Savage... She still loves me! Weird, right?
P.S. Never, and I mean NEVER! spell Colombia with a "u". They will lose their shit!
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Not me I was a male whore... I even tagged a girl that was a self proclaimed witch in high school, 2 of my moms friends, and other bad things... if it was alive I tried to hit it....
It all started in 7th grade.... she was older... I was horny...
Thought this was the embarrassing moments thread, not the small dick thread!
I fucked a fat chick once...while sober!
Actually, they’re doing quite well and opened a new joint in Deadwood at Cadillac Jacks called Flyt. They still serve some of the best Northern European food around too, hit them up when you come back around and I'm pretty sure you will not be disappointed.
The place I went to a few months back was in Hot Springs, spent the day out agate hunting on the Nebraska grasslands and Hill City was a bit too far out of the way to go. The wife and I stuck out like sore thumbs in there, it was over 100°F that day and we were filthy, thirsty and hungry. With the china virus bullshit, everything was shut down on that end of the hills so we took what we could get. I have not, and will not, be back there. Fucking millennial hippies are worse than baby boomer hippies, I'm just thankful that shit skips a generation.
D
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Dating and fucking aren't the same thing.
I was at San Diego waiting to get out of the USN in '87. I was an E-6 so I was one of the off shift the senior POs on the check-in desk at the transient barracks. Morning after my first night on rotation on mids (read zero sleep) one of the other first classes comes in first thing in the AM and says "Hey, lets go to Ensenada" I'm like "man I've had zero sleep in 24 hrs. He says "you can sleep on the way down". Um... OK...
He had a convertible coupe (like an MG).
As long as I was on beer at Hussong's I was alright, but eventually I got into the tequila. Last thing I remember we were in some little resturant ordering lobster, it was about that point that the system gave up. I was told I fell face down in mine. Eventually someone poured me back in the car. I have a vague memory of having to dig out an ID at the border.
For the record, in person, with beer or bourbon I may tell stories from PI or Busan, but I will not put them in writing.
He had a convertible coupe (like an MG).
As long as I was on beer at Hussong's I was alright, but eventually I got into the tequila. Last thing I remember we were in some little resturant ordering lobster, it was about that point that the system gave up. I was told I fell face down in mine. Eventually someone poured me back in the car. I have a vague memory of having to dig out an ID at the border.
For the record, in person, with beer or bourbon I may tell stories from PI or Busan, but I will not put them in writing.
I spend more time browsing The Hide then spending time with my gf.
I read 6 plus pages of this shit, and what might be even worse is I giggled more than a few times.
I dated a Latina when I was about 20. Went to a couple of her family Saturday barbeque type get togethers and everybody really liked me. They even thought I was cool and nicknamed me "Arrow". My older buddies told me I better get out of that relationship, that her brothers were going to gut me. I called bullshit, told them how much they liked me, so much they called me the "Cool-Arrow".............
I dated a Latina when I was about 20. Went to a couple of her family Saturday barbeque type get togethers and everybody really liked me. They even thought I was cool and nicknamed me "Arrow". My older buddies told me I better get out of that relationship, that her brothers were going to gut me. I called bullshit, told them how much they liked me, so much they called me the "Cool-Arrow".............
Here's a pretty fucked up one...
I peed on a girl smack in the middle of a living room at a packed house party at her request, of course. I was hammered so I don't remember anything other than the space between her front teeth. It was big enough that i probably could have slipped a dime through there.
Thankfully, this was pre cell phone cameras.
I peed on a girl smack in the middle of a living room at a packed house party at her request, of course. I was hammered so I don't remember anything other than the space between her front teeth. It was big enough that i probably could have slipped a dime through there.
Thankfully, this was pre cell phone cameras.
Duuuude, should have chosen something else, now you will be forever known as vinniedelpeeno.
LIES!!!
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i think about stupid shit like what a pain in ass it would be to have cable if you had to get up to change the tv channel like when i was a kid.
That's why your parents had kids.
Haha. Deserved I guess.
How else can I get a couple minutes to read and not be bothered by the wife and kids
Just one??? Ametuer!!!Thought this was the embarrassing moments thread, not the small dick thread!
I fucked a fat chick once...while sober!
Get rid of wife and kids!
Did u hit it though?
Definitely not.
well... probably not, but it's possible.
My junk passed the smell test the next day so I'm gonna go with "no." Definitely no.
Silly boy, thats what antibiotics are for! Call her up and remind her of that experience and tell her u want a go again
I go to a gym that has many different locations and at a location I've never been to I put my shit in a locker and then worked out. All finished, I went back and got my shit. Walking out of the locker room, I passed two old ladies going in. They gave me a strange look.
I had put my shit in the ladies locker room.
I had put my shit in the ladies locker room.
Had a fuck buddy in college. Not terribly attractive, but a great fuck. Looked her up on FB years later and she turned into a feminist libturd. Disgusting, but remembering what she did with her tongue is still a turn on.
Heh - I put on my headphones once because I didn't want to hear the epic shit I had to take. It was earth shattering.
Sauntered into the crapper at LAX...and I'm just rocking that place like it was 1999, AND a Taco Tuesday. God it was awful.
I see this asshole in the stall next to me take off his sneakers and put on a set of pumps. I wondered if I was going to get a "blowjob under the stall" offer in the mens crapper at LAX again.
As I leave before this wierdo next to me starts exploring the lines between being a friendly and sexual assault, I realize I had just blown the doors off the women's shitter. At LAX. There is no busier shitter on the the planet.
I was quite pleased that CA had just passed a gender neutral bathroom law thingy - otherwise I might have had to lay low for a bit and get some stitches for my butthole from a gangland street doc or something.
Sauntered into the crapper at LAX...and I'm just rocking that place like it was 1999, AND a Taco Tuesday. God it was awful.
I see this asshole in the stall next to me take off his sneakers and put on a set of pumps. I wondered if I was going to get a "blowjob under the stall" offer in the mens crapper at LAX again.
As I leave before this wierdo next to me starts exploring the lines between being a friendly and sexual assault, I realize I had just blown the doors off the women's shitter. At LAX. There is no busier shitter on the the planet.
I was quite pleased that CA had just passed a gender neutral bathroom law thingy - otherwise I might have had to lay low for a bit and get some stitches for my butthole from a gangland street doc or something.
I gave my wife the clap once.
I fucked a really ugly balut saleslady once.
I threw up on one of my kids in a drunken stupor. (not sure how many times I did that).
I fucked a really ugly balut saleslady once.
I threw up on one of my kids in a drunken stupor. (not sure how many times I did that).
Been away for awhile. Came back for some laughs and was disappointed. I thought this thread would’ve had more steam. I guess @TheGerman has moved on to tacos or some shit. Oh well.
That is one good thing about the multi use bathrooms. I can’t imagine any woman who’s cool with sharing a public crapper with the men.
Yesssss back on page 1.
I liked that thread where you were hiding your wife’s shoes better.
When I was a teen I ran into a hot friend who was really upset about something.... I consoled her knowing I'd probably get to bang her with my big fat cock and I was right- I was the king. Later I found out her dad died in a plane crash on their front lawn the day before.
In high school probably the best looking girl in school started asking me to sit by her in class everyday, but my dumbass thought she was just being friendly. Granted she was a year or two older and I was a grade ahead. Her sister started being a bitch to me after a while and I couldn’t figure out why.
10-15 years later as a grown ass man it hit me when someone was talking about some HS stories. I want to go back and kick my own ass. My oblivious ass had her following me around more by not asking her out.
TLDR- Could have banged the hot girl in school, but I was a big ol retarded fuck with low self esteem.
If anything at least I wasn’t the kid thinking every girl who said hi was I love with me and started a creepy infatuation. She’s probably gross and has 6 kids now anyway.
Nothing crazy, just a stupid kid.......several times.
Also had a decent looking teacher that wanted the D, but she was married. She was always trying to drive me home and talking some dirty shit to me, It was known around school. Her husband was deployed and I didn’t want to be Jody at 14-15. I have some standards lol.
I did get some free rides home out of it
10-15 years later as a grown ass man it hit me when someone was talking about some HS stories. I want to go back and kick my own ass. My oblivious ass had her following me around more by not asking her out.
TLDR- Could have banged the hot girl in school, but I was a big ol retarded fuck with low self esteem.
If anything at least I wasn’t the kid thinking every girl who said hi was I love with me and started a creepy infatuation. She’s probably gross and has 6 kids now anyway.
Nothing crazy, just a stupid kid.......several times.
Also had a decent looking teacher that wanted the D, but she was married. She was always trying to drive me home and talking some dirty shit to me, It was known around school. Her husband was deployed and I didn’t want to be Jody at 14-15. I have some standards lol.
I did get some free rides home out of it
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