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The Rules of the Southern life (if this don’t incite a riot, you men are asleep).

I was told anything north of Alexandria, LA was YANKEE; you can tell the border by the red clay soil and pine trees.
No webbed feet

No AC needed this morning. First snow for the season.

IMG_0877.JPG
 
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We boil our peanuts here, cause we grow em. Aint nobody so poor here we gotta eat a roasted peanut.

We fish for bream here, or "shellcrackers". If you want to take a surprise swim catch a bream and announce, "Oh look! A green sunfish!"

Its not Dollar General its "The DG" get it right.

We don't care if you drove 900 miles, and you are late for the beach. Slow your ass down through our small towns. Slow tractors use these roads cause this is where your food, clothes and gunpowder comes from. Its a long trip from Minnesota, a damn site longer if you plow into a peanut harvester in a blind curve at 60mph.

We like it when you visit. Enjoy your trip, be polite and act like a guest in our country...cause you are.
You mean bluegills, right? :ROFLMAO:
 
10. We don't play lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy Northern games, so don't ask about the scores. We...simply...don't...care.

Oh you mean sports that actually allow you to openly fist fight the opposing team. BuT SiSsY SpOrTs HurR DeRr, I'm FrOm tHe AnTiBelLum SoUth.
 
BBQ is the pig, they say. Fair enough. I don't BBQ steaks, I grill them. Or, I smoke a brisket. I have grilled pork chops with just a dry rub but you could sauce it and carmelize that stuff. Chicken I would say is grilled. Either way, I just ate and I am hungry again, talking abou this.
 
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10. We don't play lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy Northern games, so don't ask about the scores. We...simply...don't...care.

Oh you mean sports that actually allow you to openly fist fight the opposing team. BuT SiSsY SpOrTs HurR DeRr, I'm FrOm tHe AnTiBelLum SoUth.
There is something wrong with your keyboard.
 
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I would say Texas is part of the south but really, it is part of the southwest. And definitely a cut above all others. Yes, I said that out loud, in my "outside voice."
regions325.gif

Pineywoods and part of the gulf coast fit into the south. Prairies and lakes not sure. Big bend and panhandle I agree go with southwest. Everything else I'm not sure.
 
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What is this fascination with ribs?
Where I come from(Eastern NC) we didn't cook butts, or "ribs" or any other part. We cooked the whole hog. We called it a "pig pickin". There were no ribs at a pig pickin. Pig pickin hogs don't have ribs. Ribs were eaten by the turning crew as a wee hours snack or breakfast, depending on the size of the hog. There were often large swaths of that sweet belly meat and jowl missing as well.
Unfortunately, that is quickly becoming a lost tradition and art that would rival Michelin star chefs.
Hog cooked in a firepit still a family tradition on holidays :love:
 
And if #10 were actually true, Dallas would give us back our fucking hockey team.
“Southern” hockey teams are Dallas Stars, Florida Panthers, Tampa Bay Lightning, Nashville Predators, Carolina Hurricanes. Probably not “the real” South though.
 
Southerners are known for their hospitality, but get on the wrong side of one and you'll see a Jekyl and Hyde transformation.
One of Tennessee's state songs includes a verse about the disappearance (and implied murder) of federal agents who went poking around where they didn't belong.
 
“Southern” hockey teams are Dallas Stars, Florida Panthers, Tampa Bay Lightning, Nashville Predators, Carolina Hurricanes. Probably not “the real” South though.
How many players are from the "South"?

And I'm not talking about Southern Canada or Southern Russia or Finland
 
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So instead of getting the army moving, tearing up tracks, marching towards the sea and burning @Mike Casselton’s plantation, General Sherman managed today to break into the pantry where he finished one bag of Meow Mix and tore the bottom out of another… and started in on that one. Little shit gorged himself.

He was lying on the bed when I got home looking like a half-inflated spotted blimp. So distended he looked like had eaten a whole gazelle.

And oh the guilty look.

Half rations for him for the next three days.

Little shit.

Sirhr
 
View attachment 8257027
Pineywoods and part of the gulf coast fit into the south. Prairies and lakes not sure. Big bend and panhandle I agree go with southwest. Everything else I'm not sure.
From my prospective, the pineywoods and that part of the Gulf Coast, east of Houston, are southern. The prairie and lakes are such a different land form (just 200 miles) it is almost like a different continent. The land and the people are really more southwest than southeast.
So instead of getting the army moving, tearing up tracks, marching towards the sea and burning @Mike Casselton’s plantation, General Sherman managed today to break into the pantry where he finished one bag of Meow Mix and tore the bottom out of another… and started in on that one. Little shit gorged himself.

He was lying on the bed when I got home looking like a half-inflated spotted blimp. So distended he looked like had eaten a whole gazelle.

And oh the guilty look.

Half rations for him for the next three days.

Little shit.

Sirhr
Glad he’s not a horse, or you would be facing a huge vet bill trying to help him through a major founder. Not a good thing.

However, Bandit is worried about him for sure. Climbed up in my lap and tried to type some encouragement and well wishes. Bandit is a wonder. (And a bandit and the Lord of Mischief). But he’s the Bandit.

528F2647-9024-4554-96B8-0F7E82598D07.jpeg
 
From my prospective, the pineywoods and that part of the Gulf Coast, east of Houston, are southern. The prairie and lakes are such a different land form (just 200 miles) it is almost like a different continent. The land and the people are really more southwest than southeast.

Glad he’s not a horse, or you would be facing a huge vet bill trying to help him through a major founder. Not a good thing.

However, Bandit is worried about him for sure. Climbed up in my lap and tried to type some encouragement and well wishes. Bandit is a wonder. (And a bandit and the Lord of Mischief). But he’s the Bandit.

View attachment 8257414

He will be fine. Yeah horse foundering or twisting a gut is bad news.

Sherman will sleep it off and next month, I’ll
Leave a cat food bag on the counter by mistake or not quite latch the pantry door… and he’ll do it again. If I let him free feed, he would be 40 lbs of blubber.

It’s a constant battle with him. And about once every month or two, he wins a round.

Sirhr
 
Another thing about the southern accent. It depends on where you are. Especially in Texas. Tommy Lee Jones is from Houston. Matthew McConaughey is from southwest Texas. Bill Paxton (RIP) was from the Dallas area. The vowels are slightly different but the big difference is cadence. The Texas cadence is slower. One effect of theater training in these actors is that a bit of nasality was removed.

I say that because even though I can speak with a texan cadence, people can tell I was not born here but they don't know why. And I do. Born texans have significant nasal tone in their voice. I stumbled upon this listening to a local news station and the lady speaking was all nose, to me. I wondered how she could not hear that. Then realized, that's what she grew up hearing. As opposed to me being from the West Coast and not having a ton of nasality.

With enough training, you can get away from it. The actor John Hillerman played the character named Higgins with a good british accent. Hillerman was born and raised in Hondo, Texas. He took voice lessons to get away from that accent.

(Useless trivial sidenote: the african village in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls was actually filmed near Hondo, Texas.)

In Texas, we take our time speaking. Get used to it.
 
(Useless trivial sidenote: the african village in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls was actually filmed near Hondo, Texas)

On the 777 Ranch, to be specific. A wonderful place. Been there a few times,and looking forward to my next opportunity to return.
 
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Five of the six United States Senior Military Colleges are in The South -- The Citadel, VMI, Virginia Tech, North Georgia, and Texas A&M. Norwich is way up yonder.

At the Corps of Cadets at A&M, on steak night (if you held them up to the light you could almost see through them), after evening prayer and announcements all cadets stood and sang Dixie a capella. Except the yankees, who could choose to just stand there.

I don't think any can sing or play Dixie any more, except The Citadel on Parent's Day. Damn political correctness.
 
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Caveat (Ilike dem big words dont y’all? ). Its gotten a bit calm around here lately what with war in the east, hiden biden trying to win votes by helping the Israelites, and the congress don’t know what its doing. SOS. (Same old Shit).

To, to liven things up a bit, and see just how thick my skin is…here goes

(My favorite is #6).



Rules of the Southern Lifestyle


All good Southerners already know these, but in fairness to those Yankees who came to stay down here:

1. Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hrs a day, so let them cook something they know.

2. Don't laugh at people's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy Ann, Mari Beth, and Inez have all been known to whip a man's butt for less than that.

3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda -- this can lead to a merciless beating. Down South it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi.

4. Don't show allegiances to any college football squad that isn't an SEC team. All the others are a bunch of wusses who get to play Wyoming every week.

5. Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. Many of us are/have been more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner), better educated, and generally much nicer to boot. We've got plenty of business sense (e.g.Turner Broadcasting, MTV, and Netscape). Naturally, we can have lapses of judgment from time to time (e.g. Clinton, Duke). We don't care if you think we're dumb, we know better!

6. We are fully aware that the humidity is high. Quit your fussing, spend your money, and leave if you can't handle it.

7. Don't order wheat toast at the Cracker Barrel. If you do this, everyone will know you're from Ohio. Eat the biscuits like God intended and for goodness sake, don't put sugar in your grits.

8. Don't attempt to fake a Southern accent. Nothing will incite a riot faster.

9. Don't go around talking about how much better it is back home. If you don't like it here, take your Yankee butt back home.

10. We don't play lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy Northern games, so don't ask about the scores. We...simply...don't...care.

11. We know how to speak proper English, we talk this way because we want to and we can. It's like playing jazz, you have to know how to do it right first.

12. Last, but by no means least...DO NOT try to tell us how to Bar-B-Q. This could lead to permanent expulsion and revocation of your work visa. Consider yourself lucky that we let you come down here in the first place. Don't push your luck!
#3; we order sweet iced tea
Grits...


R
Cream of wheat; that you mix in your over-easy eggs with salt and pepper, I like jalapenos & cheese in mine, sopped up with said biscuits!
 
You mean bluegills, right? :ROFLMAO:

I mean if I'm in a foreign country, I will speak the language if I can.
I can identify a bluegill, green sunfish, pumkinseed, long ear, redbreast, etc, ad nauseum. No body got time fo dat!
If I'm in my country, I call them bream or shellcrackers.
20231026_094056.jpg


Shellcracker

Everything else is just a bream.
 
That sounds awesome...even a Yankee like me would appreciate that
Grits + good amount of butter + bacon(or sausage) + onions + serrano or cayennes + your favorite hot sauce or bbq sauce.. all crumbled/chopped up stirred together. Simple and tastes amazing.

10/10 would recommend^^ but might be difficult finding it in other parts of the country..
 
I mean if I'm in a foreign country, I will speak the language if I can.
I can identify a bluegill, green sunfish, pumkinseed, long ear, redbreast, etc, ad nauseum. No body got time fo dat!
If I'm in my country, I call them bream or shellcrackers.
View attachment 8257675

Shellcracker

Everything else is just a bream.
Pronounced "Brim"
 
So instead of getting the army moving, tearing up tracks, marching towards the sea and burning @Mike Casselton’s plantation, General Sherman managed today to break into the pantry where he finished one bag of Meow Mix and tore the bottom out of another… and started in on that one. Little shit gorged himself.

He was lying on the bed when I got home looking like a half-inflated spotted blimp. So distended he looked like had eaten a whole gazelle.

And oh the guilty look.

Half rations for him for the next three days.

Little shit.

Sirhr

I'm gonna say the shit will look like MRE turds, and they will hang over the side of the poop box.

He'll probably need some salad or prunes to clear out all that meow mix.
 
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Having traveled most of this country for work, each location has their own "thing". The language varies from place to place for sure. BBQ varies by place and I enjoyed the variety. I only have 3 states left to have been to all 50. ND, SD and HI. Maybe someday.

The best ribs I ever had was just outside of Oklahoma City. It was some barn converted to a rib place with family picnic style tables. You could smell the meat from a mile away. The rest of Oklahoma was just depressing. Miles and miles of flat earth with places called broken this or broken that. Like Kansas but maybe hotter and with freezing rain.

The best brisket I had was in Charleston of all places. But the place is owned by a guy from Texas. Go figure. Damn good mac & cheese too. Lewis BBQ was the name of the place. The other places with the "pig" BBQ were good too.

Brisket breakfast tacos in Texas are fantastic. Rudy's and a small place in Rockport TX next to the Rockport Tackle Town shop. Great breakfast tacos.

The BBQ place across the street from the main Bass Pro in Springfield, MO is pretty good too. Great chicken wings there.

The south can have its bugs, heat and humidity. For those of you in the south, how in the hell is Bream pronounced Brim? And all panfish species outside of crappie are Bream. Doesn't matter if its a sunfish or Bluegill. It's still a Bream.

The only place in the country where I could not understand the English language was in Maine. I was working an event at Kittery Trading Post and this dude must have come out of the woods. He sounded like one of the characters from Southpark from Newfoundland. I had to have the guy at the counter translate his questions for me to understand. Pure gibberish to my ears.

I learned what a coonass was in Louisiana/TX. Also I have probably had the best food all around in Louisiana. Tony Chachere is a nice guy and makes a hell of a meal. Ribeye with crawfish etouffee with lump crab meat is delicious.

The state I liked the least was Mississippi. I haven't been down near the coast, but the rest of it sucked from my experience. Sorry if I am offending anyone from that state. Meridian is a first class shit hole in my opinion.

I enjoyed northern Alabama and have a good friend there. Arkansas was fun with great fishing. We have an office in Charleston and I spent a lot of time there training new people and standing up a department. SC isn't for me. NC was much the same to me. Florida...yeah not my thing either. I can say I have never really enjoyed any of my time in Florida and I have been through most of it. Maybe if I grew up in a frigid shithole with angry people (parts of the northeast) I would like Florida more? Georgia seems pretty diverse within the state. Atlanta is just San Francisco of the South with the worst traffic.

TN and KY were similar to me in some ways. I had a good time in Nashville during orientation week for Vanderbuilt college. I did not go there, just experienced the fun times of hot college girls in town that week, Hottest most humid day I ever experienced was in Nashville.

Grits with cheese is good. Regular grits seemed kinda bland to me. Not bad, not great, just bland.

Overall I can say that most people in the south and southwest were much nicer and more polite that CA. I enjoyed that part a lot. I enjoyed most places I went but just could not live there.
 
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Well, I disagree. We lost the battle (1861-1865) but the war? No, look at the northern cities, rust belt is the name. Now look at the southern cities, Where what new industry and the relocation of many northern industry has located. Yep, we lost the battle but we Have Won the War…..the South has risen, jsut not in the way expected.

But heck this is supposed to be light…WE WON!

We?

Just how old are you?




P
 
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You can add this to the list:
When shit goes really bad, people pitch in and help. This is when the color of skin, political party or accent don't make any difference.
_________________
Unsure of when the next one might arrive and aware of Robert Hall's critical head wound, they put him in the bed of their pick-up truck, strapping him down with bungee cords before making the drive to the hospital, his wife said.
 
We?

Just how old are you?




P
Pretty Dammed OLD! 3/4 century and working on making it the full 100+.

Best part, I have been blessed with fine health, am in good shape and still enjoy shooting, cycling and sailing. Going to PRS matches, is a guaranteed Lantern Rouge award, but better me to finish last than some struggling new comer. I won my share of matches in IHMSA so, its somebody else’s turn.
 
I’ve heard it’s only frowned upon to marry your first cousins in the south. Second and after is good to go. Family weddings are a superb opportunity to get your next bride… keep in in the family right?
 
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Now, for my opinion, The Best Barbecue was in in an older wood frame of a place in Abilene, Texas. Old is the key word.

Don’t remember the name of the barbecue place, (been 18 years ago) but its a moot point anyway. They moved out of their old restaurant building into a brand new, brick and mortar and glass building and changed their entire method of operation. Just not the same. But do I miss the old place.

Our son was stationed in Abilene for a short time, and I really think that was the best base, best base town of all the places he served. If I had to live in Texas, and was not on the coast between Galveston and Corpus Christi, Abilene would be The Place!
 
Pretty Dammed OLD! 3/4 century and working on making it the full 100+.

Best part, I have been blessed with fine health, am in good shape and still enjoy shooting, cycling and sailing. Going to PRS matches, is a guaranteed Lantern Rouge award, but better me to finish last than some struggling new comer. I won my share of matches in IHMSA so, its somebody else’s turn.

Copy

When you wrote “we” I figured you fought in the war.




P
 
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I won my share of matches in IHMSA so, its somebody else’s turn.
All this time we been on SH together. I did not know you were THE WillK.

I shot with the boys in Conover NC. Went to regionals in Lincolnton GA and Jackson MS.

Just looked. You aint been on the Hide long as I thought.
 
True story:
Here in the South, we'll say my nephew who's family was as Coonass as they get, lived on the levee, fought chickens, fight at the drop of a hat you name it. Well he was marrying and "uppy" type girl, proper, got money, family well to do. Reception was at a fancy "country club". So the liquor gets flowing and the Coonasses are having a great time, then one of the Coonass wives gets up and proposes a toast to the bride and groom: every one is quiet and she wishes Justin and Amanda the very best of life and the best of everything there is! Then she turns to all her kin folk and says: "I ain't never seen you mother fuckers look so good in my entire life". I fell out my chair and the fancy folks were shocked. I still laugh about it! :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO:
COONASSES!